Project W.I.N.K.L.E. Lives!

What do you think of Tolkien on the silver screen...? Whether Bakshi, Jackson, Amazon, BBC radio play, or whoever else, come on in and discuss your reflections, opinions, and memories...

Postby juliebeth » Thu Mar 08, 2001 1:50 pm

I actually DID read Project W.I.N.K.L.E. and the changes list before I registered here. W.I.N.K.L.E. is what prompted me to register. I never laughed so hard in my life! I only wish the Special Edition could get going!
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Postby Ringgamer » Thu Mar 08, 2001 9:10 pm

Well, ElvenArcher got the complete text file of WINKLE from me, so expect to see it up soon. You're going to have to check my accuracy though.<BR><BR>Reformatting that thing was a heckuva job, though! Whew! I deserve chocolate. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif"border=0>
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Postby ElvenArcher » Thu Mar 08, 2001 9:28 pm

A hot fudge sundae with double dutch chocolate ice cream for Ringgamer! <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif"border=0><BR>Yes, I have the Giant File. It will take a little time to get it posted in the Reading Room humor section. I will have to post in installments, and I may need to condense it a little bit.<BR><BR>After all, a story that long couldn't be made into three two hour movies! Some clean lifts are necessary. And if I lift enough, I can add new characters! What about a romance between Eowyn and the Witch King? <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif"border=0> <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif"border=0> <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif"border=0> And Bill the Pony wields a sword! <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif"border=0><BR><BR>Be sure to check the Reading Room for updates. I'll see if I can get a link to the main page when I get it in there.
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Postby ElvenArcher » Thu Mar 15, 2001 7:49 pm

Project W.I.N.K.L.E. lives again on the front page of TolkienOnline and in the Reading Room Humor section!<BR><BR>I've put part one up. Enjoy! I'll put up the next section when I get some time. I'm not sure it will be linked to the front page of TolkienOnline, so check the Reading Room for new entries.<BR><BR>Be sure to check out the other submissions in the Reading Room and especially in the Humor section!
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Postby Elmtree » Wed May 16, 2001 4:43 pm

We have more newbies getting discouraged by the usual brawls between the TORC Brawl Teams. If I recall, such brawls were what inspired this Great Undertaking-- so here 'tis! Let it's wonderful humor force perspective in all the crazy arguments! (yes, I know... you're argument is not crazy. The other one is.<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif"border=0>).<BR><BR>(hey, like my forced perspective pun? HAHAHAHAHAHA! I slay me)
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Postby Beleg » Wed May 16, 2001 4:56 pm

Well, I rather enjoyed my little contribs to this mad project, but I'd like to see the second bit posted. Elven?<BR><BR><img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif"border=0>
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Postby ElvenArcher » Wed May 16, 2001 5:36 pm

Sorry, Beleg! I had my hard drive erased three times in the past three months. I lost my logged Project W.I.N.K.L.E. It's just a matter of getting it back and formatting it so it won't look odd when up in the Reading Room.<BR><BR>I will get it up ASAP.<BR><BR>For those who don't know how to get to the Reading Room, go to the main Tolkien Online page (Tolkienonline.com) and look at the menu on the right. You will see "Reading Room" as one of your choices. Click "Reading Room," then "Humor." You will find not only a segment of this thread, but some other wonderful entries by our message board posters.
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Postby Elmtree » Thu May 17, 2001 6:53 am

The Reading Room not only has WINKLE, but also some other wonderful parodies and humorous bits by some of the masters here. <BR><BR>Any newbie checking this out MUST read Whistler's "Conversations with the One", which is partially humorous and also very moving and beautiful.<BR><BR>Hama and Gungnir have "Letters to the Boss" which had me LOL.<BR><BR>Frodo's country music song is also worth a look.<BR><BR>And you, of course, can find WINKLE (at least one LITTLE BITTY PART-- get moving moderators!<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif"border=0>) there!<BR><BR>I have no idea how to make a link, but here is the exact address for the reading room humor section:<BR><BR>http://www.tolkienonline.com/reading_room/index.cfm?ID=782<BR><BR>I had to go there twice, because the first time I tried I got booted over to the main page, but it eventually works.
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Postby Denethor » Wed May 23, 2001 6:32 pm

I'm still working on a 'prequel' to W.I.N.K.L.E. which deals with The Hobbit. I will be the first to admit that my work isn't really of the same class as the work in Project WINKLE, but I'm still working on it. Any additions to the story from anyone else will be greatly welcomed. If anyone wants to make an addition to the story, it is in the thread entitled "This is definitely NOT the film script for The Hobbit".
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Postby Elmtree » Wed May 23, 2001 7:25 pm

Denethor, <BR>the hobbit parody is great.<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif"border=0> I'm sorry I have not had time to post on it for awhile. I hope some of the winkle fans will give it a try! Give 'em a chance to read it and catch up.
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Postby Ringgamer » Wed May 23, 2001 8:53 pm

Well, ElvenArcher should have the full WINKLE by now, I just sent it again. So, bug the mod, maybe we'll have some more of it online. Or heck, just read it here!
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Postby crispycreme » Thu May 24, 2001 4:56 pm

I just wanted to thank everyone here that contributed to W.I.N.K.L.E. I have spent the better part of these last two days (at work, no less - hush!) trying my durndest to keep from laughing! I've snorted so many times that folks near my office think I've got a cold. My all time favorite part was the chess game between Denethor and Sauron (so beautifully written by Radagast, I think). I literally had to rush outside the building holding my hand over my mouth! Great stuff guys! I wish I had found this board sooner, I would have liked to contribute. Ah well, perhaps some other time.
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Postby Elmtree » Thu May 24, 2001 5:57 pm

Crispy (may I call you crispy? I see you are named after a Nazgul!), there is another thread called "Misc. LOTR parodies" which is for any post WINKLE LOTR parodies (the hobbit ones go in Denethor's hobbit thread). If you do a search for that thread title, you'll see it. Feel free to add something there!<BR><BR>Also, check out the Reading Room humor section here at TORC. There you will find some wonderful parodies by some people from this board (I love the country music song sung by Frodo (by Whistler), and Hama and Gungnir's "Letters to the Boss")
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Postby ElvenArcher » Sun Jun 17, 2001 9:59 pm

The presence of this thread has been requested on the new humor forum, "Tom's House," so I am moving it from "Movies" over there.<BR>Enjoy, folks!
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Postby Denethor » Sat Jul 07, 2001 4:00 am

With all the new rumours regarding the upcoming films (eg Gimli hacking at the Ring), I wonder if it would be possible for TORC posters to start creating a second Project WINKLE (ie doing another LOTR 'film script' according to rumours and fears surrounding the Movies). After all, there are still another five months before the films actually appear. It would be interesting to compare the results of the second with those of the original (although of course, nothing can match the original Project WINKLE <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif"border=0>)).
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Postby Xatia » Sun Jul 08, 2001 3:57 am

Interesting idea, Denethor, but what would you call it?<BR><BR>Project W.I.N.K.L.E mark 2?<BR>Project O.Y.S.T.E.R.?<BR>Project C.L.A.M.?<BR><BR>Just doesn't have the same ring to it... <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif"border=0>
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Postby Denethor » Mon Jul 09, 2001 1:32 am

Perhaps "The Revenge of Project WINKLE" or "The WINKLE strikes back". Maybe I should start a separate thread to see who else is interested in taking part in this second project.
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Postby Radagast » Mon Jul 09, 2001 6:30 pm

Of course, there is something that should terrify us all that it may very well be possible to write not ONE but TWO epic farces on the Lord of the Rings based upon the rumors we've heard.<BR><BR>Yeesh!
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Postby Elmtree » Tue Jul 10, 2001 8:55 pm

Whoa! I was wondering why WINKLE was at the top o the pile again! There's talk of a SEQUEL??? ANOTHER movie script!? TWO OF THEM? Don't be silly. There must be THREE.<BR><BR>this is lord of the things, after all. <BR><BR><img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif"border=0><BR><BR>But dang... I can't see how we can go in order again, and make it work like Winkle One. But that's always the problem with sequels, no?<BR><BR>What about just posting parodies of the rumored changes as they happen?<BR><BR>Then again... we could go from the beginning.... A new thread? Or should I just start here?<BR><BR>Frodo (voice over): When we-- <BR><BR>SPLOOP!<BR><BR>;-)<BR><BR>(well, they did say they were cutting that prologue!)
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Postby Xatia » Wed Jul 11, 2001 2:34 am

A parody of a parody? Why not <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif"border=0><BR>If it's to be here:<BR><BR>------<BR>The blank screen slowly ripples and becomesthe inside of a circular Green Door. The camera moves away from the door and pans around to FRODO, who is padding silently through his hole. The sound of a thousand hobbits chanting Bilbo's Bath song rises and fades, suddenly peaking as the camera zooms in to FRODOs face.<BR><BR>GANDALF grabs FRODO's shoulder and pulls him around.<BR><BR>GANDALF: "Is it secret? Is it safe?"<BR><BR>FRODO: "The Ring? I thnk so..."<BR><BR>GANDALF: "Not the Ring, you dolt, my pipe! I left it here last time I called. Saruman has always coveted it, for he wishes to own a silver monogramed walnut finished pipe. And now, I fear, he has his chance!"<BR><BR>FRODO: "So, what about the Ring?"<BR><BR>GANDALF: "What? Oh, THAT Ring... well..."<BR><BR>------<BR><BR>Xatia chickening out <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif"border=0>
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Postby Nerdanel » Tue Oct 09, 2001 11:14 am

By the way, when are more installments going to the Reading Room? Part One was posted in March but follow-ups have been conspiciously absent.
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Postby groundstalker » Sun Jan 20, 2002 8:16 am

As a new Tolkien convert I must say that WINKLE was brilliant - absolutly ace. Very good. I think the funniest bit for me - oh god no, it was all funny!!! Very good all!
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Postby Aerin » Mon Jan 21, 2002 9:06 pm

Hello everyone! I know I've never posted here, but I've really enjoyed Project WINKLE. I'm in the process of combining every parody into a set of MS Word files for y'all, so wish me luck!
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Postby Harvestar » Mon Jan 21, 2002 9:30 pm

Did anyone else think SPLOOP (I think that's how it's spelled... been awhile since I've read WINKLE) at the scene change from Buckleberry Ferry to when the 4 hobbits arrive at Bree?<BR><BR><img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif"border=0> <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif"border=0>
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Postby bluicebank » Wed Jan 30, 2002 5:00 am

Ah, yes. So that's where the tie-dye look came from.<BR><BR>Excellent!<BR>
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Postby enchanted_elf201 » Tue Feb 05, 2002 2:30 am

what is "SPLOOP"?
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Postby Nerdanel » Tue Feb 05, 2002 2:32 pm

I have just read the Project W.I.N.K.L.E. from the beginning to the end. It's been a long time since we wrote it, but there were some surprising insights we had then.<BR><BR>Radagast (where are you?) introduced the idea of frequent intercutting to see what the bad guys are up to.<BR><BR>Elmtree had a vision of a FLOATING RED EYE near Barad-dûr in Frodo's vision.<BR><BR>I, Nerdanel, foresaw MR. BUNNY. I called him the Easter Bunny of Mordor, but he was the right color (pink) and vicious all right.
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Postby Hithaeglir » Thu Feb 07, 2002 11:47 am

(Hi, I'm new to this forum.) It seems to be a while since this was written, but it should always be kept on top =) A great, hilarious work by you all! But I miss one thing. I miss Bergil. (Maybe he was there and I just missed him?) Anyway, here is the TRUE story about this heroic boy. I'm sorry for any (censored) profanity. It's really his fault, not mine.<BR><BR>---<BR><BR>Cut to PIPPIN walking around pointlessly in the city. He sees CHILDREN. IDYLLIC MUSIC starts playing.<BR><BR>BERGIL suddenly points a toy gun at the halfling. MUSIC changes to OMINOUS.<BR><BR>BERGIL<BR>Hey you! What are you, a stranger? How old are you? I'm ten. I could kick your a**. My dad is a soldier. He could kick your dad's a**. Heck, I bet I could kick your dad's a** myself. Wanna come see my new Playstation 2?<BR><BR>PIPPIN manages to look at the same time startled, terrified and very amused. MUSIC sounds the same way, but the MUSICIANS (suddenly appearing on screen) look mostly startled.<BR><BR>PETER JACKSON<BR>CUT!! The Playstation 2 hasn't been released in Gondor yet. What are you doing here anyway? You have been cut out of the movie, remember?<BR><BR>BERGIL<BR>I KNEW you would send me away with the maidens! I hate you and this movie.<BR><BR>BERGIL walks away, muttering, and picks up a booklet from the Cut-out Characters Corporation (CCC). He leaves the city to join it.<BR><BR>PIPPIN, looking confused, is soon accompanied by a poor CGI creature which is almost, but not quite, entirely unlike JAR JAR BINKS, and some HAPPY MUSIC.<BR><BR>BERGIL reaches Rivendell the same evening with a loud SGLOOP. (Not to be confused with SPLOOP, SGLOOP is the sound of a backdoor in the PS2 LOTR game, that every 10-year-old within the boundaries of the ancient kingdom would know of.)<BR><BR>BERGIL<BR>Hey. I've come to join this CCC thingy.<BR><BR>ELROND<BR>You'd be the first.<BR><BR>BERGIL<BR>But what about Mr. Bolger?<BR><BR>ELROND<BR>Mr. WHO??<BR><BR>BERGIL<BR>Never mind. But what about Tom Bombadil?<BR><BR>ELROND<BR>Couldn't make it. Something about not wanting to leave his forest.<BR><BR>BERGIL<BR>Oh. And Glorfindel?<BR><BR>ELROND (indifferently)<BR>Slaughtered by Orcs.<BR><BR>BERGIL<BR>F**k.<BR><BR>ELROND<BR>Erestor the Arrestor! This boy is using profane language, thus risking the PG-13 rating.<BR><BR>BERGIL (sarcastically)<BR>It's not like I would have been allowed to see it anyway.<BR><BR>ERESTOR THE ARRESTOR comes and throws Bergil out, which is quite a heroic task considering that he is after all only 2 feet tall (which is very tall for a Rivendell elf).<BR><BR>ERESTOR<BR>That's for trying to sabotage the movie! The Household of Elrond stands quite unwilling to plead your case before the Crew.<BR><BR>BERGIL<BR>But hey, you're also cut out!<BR><BR>ERESTOR<BR>Hm, good point. Maybe I should...<BR><BR>ERESTOR gets suddenly slaughtered by a vast number of ORCS.<BR><BR>BERGIL<BR>F**k.<BR><BR>BERGIL walks away in the night. With another SGLOOP, he arrives just in time to witness the Muster of Rohan.<BR><BR>BERGIL<BR>If that backdoor wasn't VERY fast, it should be morning by now. Where is the sun?<BR><BR>MERRY (munching on a ridiculously long sandwich)<BR>Power-out. Don't ask.<BR><BR>BERGIL<BR>Ehm. ANOTHER funny little halfling??<BR><BR>MERRY<BR>You mean you've seen Frodo?<BR><BR>BERGIL<BR>No, Pippin.<BR><BR>MERRY<BR>Oh, that infuriating screw-up. Where is he now?<BR><BR>BERGIL<BR>Still in Minas Tirith, I reckon.<BR><BR>MERRY<BR>But that's where we're going! And I owe him an awful lot of money for pipe-weed. This is no good.<BR><BR>BERGIL<BR>I'll take your place then? That way I will be IN the movie and you will be OUT of it, and everyone will be happy?<BR><BR>MERRY<BR>Sounds good. You will ride with a fellow named Dernhelm. Seems a bit queer, but he's nice and all. Oh, and here's my copy of the Lord of the Rings. Might come in handy later.<BR><BR>BERGIL takes the book and puts on MERRY's clothes, leaving the hobbit in his underwear.<BR><BR>BERGIL<BR>Thanks, and so long!<BR><BR>Cut to DERNHELM and BERGIL riding with the Rohirrim, approaching Gondor. BERGIL is reading in his book.<BR><BR>BERGIL<BR>It says here that I, being Merry and all, will get to kill a Nazgûl. Cool.<BR><BR>DERNHELM<BR>Read again. You don't really KILL it, that's my part.<BR><BR>BERGIL (gazing through the page)<BR>F**k. I risk my life and everything, and in the end a girl gets to have the most fun.<BR><BR>DERNHELM<BR>Sshh, I'm not a girl.<BR><BR>BERGIL<BR>Oops, almost gave away the plot there.<BR><BR>DERNHELM and BERGIL ride into the sunset. Zoom out.<BR><BR>BERGIL (in a distance)<BR>Hey, how come the sun sets when it never rose? And since when does it set in the south?<BR><BR>KING THÉODEN (in a further distance)<BR>A heroic sunset is too important to the movie to need explanation, Master Holbytla.<BR><BR>BERGIL (inaudibly)<BR>Holbytla my a**.<BR><BR>DARKNESS falls again, accompanied by QUIET, OMINOUS MUSIC.
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Postby Aerin » Thu Feb 07, 2002 10:04 pm

ROFL!!! That was great!! Just one little thing, though... You left out Gildor!!!
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Postby NiennaSorrowing » Thu Feb 07, 2002 10:21 pm

W.I.N.K.L.E.!!!!! My W.I.N.K.L.E.!!!!!!!! Ah, the glory days... <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif"border=0> <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif"border=0> <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif"border=0> <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif"border=0> <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif"border=0> <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif"border=0> <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif"border=0> <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif"border=0> <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif"border=0> <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif"border=0> <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif"border=0> <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif"border=0> <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif"border=0> <BR> <BR>KEEP IT AT THE TOP!!!! THE REAL TORC!!!! <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif"border=0> <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif"border=0> <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif"border=0>
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