The TVM - for Calma....

Just as Tolkien and the Inklings used to meet at The Bird and the Baby, come in here to converse about whatever might be on your mind. This is the place for all off-topic conversation.

Re: The TVM -The jokes's on us!

Postby Ninui » Wed Apr 10, 2019 11:41 pm

What do you call a dog magician ?
A labracadabrador


What happened to the dog that swallowed a firefly?
It barked with de-light.


What's a dogs favorite food ?
Anything on your plate !


:D
Last edited by Ninui on Sat Apr 13, 2019 9:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: The TVM -The jokes's on us!

Postby Thor 'n' Oakenshield » Thu Apr 11, 2019 6:41 am

Q: What did one hat say to the other?
A: You stay here. I'll go on ahead.


Q: What happened after an explosion at a French cheese factory?
A: All that was left was da Brie!
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Re: The TVM -The jokes's on us!

Postby luthienelflover » Thu Apr 11, 2019 10:17 am

Thor 'n' Oakenshield wrote:Q: What did one hat say to the other?
A: You stay here. I'll go on ahead.



:rofl: :rofl:

If you're American when you go into the bathroom and American when you come out, what are you when you're in there?

European. :D
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Re: The TVM -The jokes's on us!

Postby Tookish_Traveler » Thu Apr 11, 2019 2:37 pm

luthienelflover wrote:
If you're American when you go into the bathroom and American when you come out, what are you when you're in there?

European. :D




Haw! :D
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For Calma ..

:(







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Watch my (low budget) movie
here!!!


For more fun, watch this video! ->

Star Trek meets Monty Python!!
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Re: The TVM -The jokes's on us!

Postby Frelga » Thu Apr 11, 2019 9:27 pm

Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite type of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
Impressive. Every word in that sentence was wrong.
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Re: The TVM -The jokes's on us!

Postby Tookish_Traveler » Fri Apr 12, 2019 3:36 am

:D

Parallel lines have so much in common. It's a shame they'll never meet.


:roflmbo:


:roll:
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For Calma ..

:(







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Watch my (low budget) movie
here!!!


For more fun, watch this video! ->

Star Trek meets Monty Python!!
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Re: The TVM -The jokes's on us!

Postby notlistening » Fri Apr 12, 2019 5:26 pm

It's like Dad jokes exploded in here!!!!
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Re: The TVM -The jokes's on us!

Postby Tookish_Traveler » Sat Apr 13, 2019 3:12 am

And here are some literal dad jokes.... :roflmbo:

Dad, did you get a haircut?
No I got them all cut.


Whenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, "No, just leave it in the carton!"

SERVER: "Sorry about your wait."
DAD: "Are you saying I’m fat?”



WAITRESS: "Soup or salad?"
DAD: "I don’t want a SUPER salad, I want a regular salad.”


:D

:roll:
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For Calma ..

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Watch my (low budget) movie
here!!!


For more fun, watch this video! ->

Star Trek meets Monty Python!!
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Re: The TVM -The jokes's on us!

Postby Thor 'n' Oakenshield » Sat Apr 13, 2019 2:19 pm

So, today was my birthday! I got to go down to New York City for the day and me and my sisters and friends went to the Tolkien Exhibition at the Morgan Library & Museum - it was incredible, and I highly recommend it. We got to see all of this beautiful artwork, the first drafts of the Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit, his maps, his sketches, family photographs, his college robes. It was so beautiful that I had tears in my eyes, it was so good. Granted, it took us a while to get in: it's a first-come, first-serve type of set up for the exhibition, so we had to wait until 1:00 until we could get in, but in that time we went across the street and had lunch at a nice little diner. It was great. I got the book on sale at the gift shop, a beautiful (and huge) volume filled with all the illustrations, etc, from the exhibit, plus a lot of stuff that wasn't on display. I had a wonderful time.
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Re: The TVM -The jokes's on us!

Postby Tookish_Traveler » Sat Apr 13, 2019 2:43 pm

Oooooo. Sounds like a great trip for you, Thor. Happy Birthday!!!!!

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...or do you prefer this one.....?

Image

8)


I got to spend the day in Scotland (PA). :D
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For Calma ..

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---------------------------------


Watch my (low budget) movie
here!!!


For more fun, watch this video! ->

Star Trek meets Monty Python!!
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Re: The TVM -The jokes's on us!

Postby notlistening » Sat Apr 13, 2019 5:07 pm

Happy Birthday Thor. Sounds like you had a great day. :)

So it seems like almost every country in the world is having an election or there is one coming up. We just had our state election and now the Federal one has been called. I'ms terrified of the Greens/Labour party getting any power as they will tax us back to the stone age with the cost of the climate change policy and renewables. Not that I mind them being put in, but it needs to be introduced at a slower rate as the coal fired power stations can't just be shut down becuase solar ain't ready to power the country. And don't make buying EV compulsory. I certainly can't afford one of those, plus will hvae no power to actually charge them. And shutting down the mining industry, we will have no exports so no income, no tax and we will all die of either heat, cold or no food. Also that would put an awful lot of people out of work and if there is no money to pay welfare, they will soon be on the street. Also scary extremist vegans are attacking our poor farmers who are struggling through the worst drought in ages.

Okay, rant over.
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Re: The TVM -The jokes's on us!

Postby Ninui » Sat Apr 13, 2019 10:16 pm

What do you call a snowman on a hot day ?
Puddle


What did one shark say to another one after eating a clown fish ?
Well, this tastes a little funny

Have you heard about the cannibal who passed his brother in the forest ?

Glad you had a fantastic birthday celebration,Thor-n . Many happy returns of the day .. :D
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Re: The TVM -The jokes's on us!

Postby Tookish_Traveler » Sun Apr 14, 2019 4:15 am

Ninui wrote:What do you call a snowman on a hot day ?
Puddle


What did one shark say to another one after eating a clown fish ?
Well, this tastes a little funny

Have you heard about the cannibal who passed his brother in the forest ?



:D

Took me a second to get the last one..... :? :shock: :roll:

And for something a bit different.....


Image

.
.
.
.
.
......


Image


:lmbo:
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For Calma ..

:(







---------------------------------


Watch my (low budget) movie
here!!!


For more fun, watch this video! ->

Star Trek meets Monty Python!!
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Re: The TVM -The jokes's on us!

Postby Thor 'n' Oakenshield » Sun Apr 14, 2019 6:48 am

Thank you all so much! I had a truly wonderful time! :D
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Re: The TVM -The jokes's on us!

Postby Tookish_Traveler » Mon Apr 15, 2019 4:35 pm

A Roman Legionnaire walks into a bar and holds up 2 fingers and says, "Five beers, please."


Badda booooom!!



:D
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For Calma ..

:(







---------------------------------


Watch my (low budget) movie
here!!!


For more fun, watch this video! ->

Star Trek meets Monty Python!!
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Re: The TVM -The jokes's on us!

Postby notlistening » Wed Apr 17, 2019 4:34 am

hehehe, math humour!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
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Re: The TVM -The jokes's on us!

Postby Tookish_Traveler » Thu Apr 18, 2019 6:22 pm


“Why do they lock gas station 
bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?”–George Carlin



:D 8)
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For Calma ..

:(







---------------------------------


Watch my (low budget) movie
here!!!


For more fun, watch this video! ->

Star Trek meets Monty Python!!
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Re: The TVM -The jokes's on us!

Postby Storyteller » Fri Apr 19, 2019 9:49 am

Hey all!

Story here, checking in.

I've changed jobs. Still a travel agent but smaller company, better pay and I'm a manager now. Managing a veritable snake pit of coworker rivalry and chaos.

I've won the uphill battle to bring my wife to Israel, she's landing here Saturday night. Next stage is getting her a visa that allows working. I'm going through the next layer of bureaucracy and won't see the end of it for the next 5 years.

My management style is trying to teach my coworkers to not mix personal and professional, and to stop caring what someone says behind their back. I use an old Jewish joke for that:

"Hey Moishe, do you know what your neighbors say about you when you aren't home?"
"Oy Sarah, when I'm not home, they can beat me up for all I care!"
"...Their aim in war with Germany is nothing more, nothing less than extermination of Hitlerism... There is absolutely no justification for this kind of war. The ideology of Hitlerism, just like any other ideological system, can be accepted or rejected, this is a matter of political views. But everyone grasps, that an ideology can not be exterminated by force, must not be finished off with a war.” - Vyacheslav Molotov, ""On the Foreign Policy of the Soviet Union", 31 October 1939
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Re: The TVM -The jokes's on us!

Postby Ninui » Sat Apr 20, 2019 7:37 am

What day does an Easter egg hate the most ?
Fry - Day


What do you call ten rabbits marching backwards ?
A receding hare line


How can you tell where the Easter bunny has buried his treasure ?
Eggs - marks the spot

Why did the Easter bunny have to keep firing the duck ?
He kept Quacking the eggs
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Re: The TVM -The jokes's on us!

Postby Tookish_Traveler » Sat Apr 20, 2019 3:43 pm

hee... Easter jokes. Good ones, Ninui.

Glad to see you, Story!!!! Good news about your wife AND the new job!!! :D
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For Calma ..

:(







---------------------------------


Watch my (low budget) movie
here!!!


For more fun, watch this video! ->

Star Trek meets Monty Python!!
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Re: The TVM -The jokes's on us!

Postby Ninui » Sun Apr 21, 2019 7:47 pm

Why did the elephant cross the road ?
The chicken couldn't be bothered


What do you call it when it rains chickens and ducks ?
Fowl weather


Why does Snoop Dog carry an umbrella ?
Fo'Drizzle


What do you call a big pile of kittens ?
A meowtain


What is a cows favorite color ?
Marooooon !!


What were the cows doing under the tree ?
Talking about the latest moos !!
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Re: The TVM -The jokes's on us!

Postby notlistening » Mon Apr 22, 2019 3:27 am

aarrggghh! stop it! When will this month end!!! ;)
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Re: The TVM -The jokes's on us!

Postby Ninui » Mon Apr 22, 2019 11:26 am

What did the policeman say to his belly button ?
"You're under a vest !


Why shouldn't you write with a broken pencil ?
Because it's pointless !


What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches ?
A nervous wreck !

How do hens cheer for the team ?
They egg them on

Where do bees go to the bathroom ?
The BP station

:D :wink:
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Re: The TVM -The jokes's on us!

Postby Tookish_Traveler » Mon Apr 22, 2019 1:24 pm

notlistening wrote:aarrggghh! stop it! When will this month end!!! ;)



:D

8 days yet....

Q: When does April come before January?
A: In the dictionary!



Name a bow that can’t be tied. A rainbow



Where will you be in one year? I don’t know. I don’t have 2020 vision.

badda bing!!!!11111111111
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For Calma ..

:(







---------------------------------


Watch my (low budget) movie
here!!!


For more fun, watch this video! ->

Star Trek meets Monty Python!!
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Re: The TVM -The jokes's on us!

Postby Ninui » Tue Apr 23, 2019 1:45 pm

Why are dogs like phones ?
They have collar ID's !!


What do you get when you cross a Collie witha rose ?
A Collie flower


What dog reed absolutely loves to live in the city ?
A new Yorkie !!


Why was the dog sweating so much ?
It was a hot dog !!!


What did the Dalmatian say after his meal ?
"That sure hits the spots !!!
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Re: The TVM -The jokes's on us!

Postby Tookish_Traveler » Wed Apr 24, 2019 12:35 pm

Soooo.... after it took winter forever to end, it now seems like the weather is warm enough for May instead of April. :P



How do you prevent a Summer cold?

Catch it in the Winter!


=:)
:D
:twisted:
8)
:roll:
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For Calma ..

:(







---------------------------------


Watch my (low budget) movie
here!!!


For more fun, watch this video! ->

Star Trek meets Monty Python!!
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Re: The TVM -The jokes's on us!

Postby notlistening » Thu Apr 25, 2019 3:47 am

Saw Avengers End Game today. I am still processing it in my head. A lot went on (no spoilers though) as you can expect. It is pretty slow to start with but ramps up BIG quickly. Can't say anymore but if you go, don't stay for the credits, there is no need. There is nothing to see. And there were a few funny bits, mostly supplied by Thor and Antman.
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Re: The TVM -The jokes's on us!

Postby Tookish_Traveler » Thu Apr 25, 2019 2:57 pm

I hear it is a good movie. Will be seeing my own self sometime. :D
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For Calma ..

:(







---------------------------------


Watch my (low budget) movie
here!!!


For more fun, watch this video! ->

Star Trek meets Monty Python!!
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Re: The TVM -The jokes's on us!

Postby Ninui » Thu Apr 25, 2019 8:23 pm

Why don't cats shop on line ?
They prefer a cat a log !!


Have you heard about the cat who swallowed a ball of yarn ?
She had a litter of mittens


Why did the cat wear a dress ?
She was feline fine !


Why was the cat sitting on the computer ?
To keep an eye on the mouse !


What do you call a cat who just ate a duck ?
A duck fill platy puss !


:D
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Re: The TVM -The jokes's on us!

Postby Tookish_Traveler » Fri Apr 26, 2019 3:06 am

hee. Cat jokes. :D

I remember Hue's famous elephant joke thread. hmmmm...................


;)
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For Calma ..

:(







---------------------------------


Watch my (low budget) movie
here!!!


For more fun, watch this video! ->

Star Trek meets Monty Python!!
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