OCC: The Old Man's Tale

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OCC: The Old Man's Tale

Postby Galadorn » Tue Jun 19, 2007 1:59 am

Last edited by Galadorn on Thu Jul 19, 2007 8:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby Bardhwyn » Tue Jun 19, 2007 4:28 am

Welcome Galadorn!

I see you've started a role play thread here in The Prancing Pony - well done.

And you've created an OOC thread. :)

You've described yourself as 'new' to this all - ( I know how that feels, I was new once too :) ) - so take some time to read the Guides and Rules to Roleplaying which is the very first thread here in the forum.

OOC, the acronym, stands for 'Out of Character' and it allows the writers of a thread (and their fans) to make comments and discuss the story.

And even more important, you can use this thread to talk about the story you would like to create with other writers - to advertise yourself and your creative ideas in other words (not necessarily other websites. ;) ).

Enjoy your time here Galadorn and see you on the boards!

~B
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Postby Daefaroth » Tue Jun 19, 2007 9:34 am

"OOC" threads are, as Bardhwyn has pointed out, for the use of the participants in a Role Play thread, not for the sole purpose of advertising a private forum.

Please take her advice and read the Guidelines posted at the top of this forum.
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occ

Postby Galadorn » Tue Jun 19, 2007 9:17 pm

why thank you mate i appreciate that and thanks for helping me get started, though in the rp section do you any other places then the PP or the green dragon inn
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Re: occ

Postby Frelga » Tue Jun 19, 2007 10:33 pm

Galadorn wrote:why thank you mate i appreciate that and thanks for helping me get started, though in the rp section do you any other places then the PP or the green dragon inn


Galadorn, welcome to the Pony. :) I would like to answer your question but I admit I can't quite follow the sentence above. I hope you forgive my curiosity, but is English your native language? We are quite an international crew here, and we can certainly be very understanding when someone for whom English is second, third, or fifth language is mastering the grammar and spelling.
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Postby Galadorn » Tue Jun 19, 2007 10:42 pm

i am of german decent but i like that word i speak english german and a little spanish
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Postby Bardhwyn » Wed Jun 20, 2007 11:21 am

I think the operative word missing in that question is have, haben-

Do you have any other places to advertise a forum? I think is what he's asking in response to Tooth...er, I mean Daefaroth's post. :D

'No' I think is the answer to that, Galadorn. Sorry.

Unless you want to purchase a Premiere Membership with Torc, Galadorn and imbed a URL link in your signature pane.

If the question was : 'Is there anywhere else to role play other than the PP or GD forum?' - only one other place - the Lucky Fortune Inn thread in the Welcome Forum. There people new to RP can go and give it a try. I don't know how active that thread is though, Galadorn.

Seems this little thread is getting some attention, so hey... ;)
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Postby IrisBrandybuck » Wed Jun 20, 2007 11:33 am

Well, it's giving me a chance to try it out in a non-intimidating place to see if it's something I want to get involved in. :D
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Postby Galadorn » Wed Jun 20, 2007 9:28 pm

ay it is geting some attention its amazing
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Postby Bardhwyn » Thu Jun 21, 2007 5:56 am

Its fun, this - isn't it? :D

Galadorn - Bardhwyn isn't an elf, ;) she's a human female. I think my character bio link is still showing in my signature pane.

And why did Bardhwyn say what she did? Because Galadorn didn't introduce himself - ;) He just walked up and said 'you're talking about me'. :D
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Postby IrisBrandybuck » Thu Jun 21, 2007 6:00 am

If I do get into role playing more I may create a completely different character just for the fun of it. :D
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Postby Bardhwyn » Thu Jun 21, 2007 6:03 am

Hehehe.. if you get into role play, Iris - be careful - you may not be able to stop at JUST ONE!! :P :D :D :D



I and my 10+ characters speak from experience. :roll:
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Postby IrisBrandybuck » Thu Jun 21, 2007 6:17 am

Sort of like cats and potato chips? :D

Well, I was going to jump in on your conversation (little one! LITTLE ONE!!) But I want to see how the elf answers first.
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Postby Bardhwyn » Thu Jun 21, 2007 9:27 am

Well, he jumped in on ours :D - but yeah, I want to see how the Elf answers too.

:)
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Postby Bardhwyn » Fri Jun 29, 2007 3:34 am

...and the plot thickens!

So, Galadorn, up to you to tell us what's in the box!


:)

Galadorn and Iris - I am off on hols until next Sunday and away from the internet.

I look forward to seeing how things go. ;)
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Postby IrisBrandybuck » Fri Jun 29, 2007 5:45 am

Have fun! :D

I added a little bit more, but not much. I think it will depend on what's in the mysterious package...
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Postby Galadorn » Mon Jul 02, 2007 8:26 pm

whoa what just happended sorry i was off line for a while
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Postby Galadorn » Mon Jul 02, 2007 10:07 pm

not that this has anything to do with every thing but does anybody know of any good xmen role play forums :!: :!:
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Postby SilverScribe » Tue Jul 03, 2007 9:20 am

Dude:

Open a browser window and go to Google.com

Type in "x-men role play" and hit enter.


You should get about six pages of links to look at.
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Postby Galadorn » Fri Jul 06, 2007 9:40 pm

thanks
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Postby Bardhwyn » Sun Jul 15, 2007 4:54 am

Hey Galadorn -

You posted a question 'what just happened?' - it is not clear what you're referring to. Please fill out the question and then we can answer you better.

And Dude, if we want to continue developing this fledgling story, I'd like to suggest a few things -

Firstly, you being the thread originator, consider titling the story thread (new rp) and the ooc thread - this thread - more conventionally. Meaning, like the other threads here in the forum. Pick a catchy title for this tread and change the ooc thread, too.

Secondly, I read that English is a second language for you. I am always impressed by people writing in a non-native language.

Would you like us to help you with your written English? I can't speak for Iris but I am willing to give helpful feedback. I am a native speaker, I have a better than average grasp on the rules of written English.

I think, my friend, were you to apply effort in this area (improving your written English) you'll find that your readers and your fellow writers will enjoy your efforts and your developing talent more readily.

And lastly - I didn't understand something in your last post - so I will paste a copy of it here and then ask my question:

galadorn looks down and then at the woman

"yes the old man was to give me this he was a friend of my father"


galadorn sets the package on the table and opens it; seeing the the hobbits curiosity in the package, he un does a second string in the package and unfolds a cloth and there lies a book and a paper reading

"as you requested, you father would have been proud"

looking up at the woman surprised

"where is the old man at now"




This quote: "as you requested, you father would have been proud"

('...you father...' - 'your father', right?)

Was this statement written on the piece of paper or did your character speak this aloud?

Between the use of the present tense (past tense is more appropriate - eg. he untied the string and opened the package) and sparse punctuation (this area needs some attention), I'm not quite clear.

Thanks - ~B
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Postby IrisBrandybuck » Wed Jul 18, 2007 8:17 am

Good suggestions. :)

Yes, I would be more than willing to help. Having tried to learn a foreign language myself some years ago, I know it's difficult. And English is VERY difficult for a non-native.

I'll put my email in my signature for you both. :)

Galadon, it might help if we knew what your native language is, also.
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Postby Daefaroth » Wed Jul 18, 2007 5:28 pm

Again, welcome to TORC Galadorn.

You have been given very good advice in this thread regarding your Role Play.

I will give you some additional advice, although in a more "official" capacity.

Please review my post in the other thread. Give your Role Play a proper title and edit the title of this OOC thread to correspond.

This forum has Guidelines for a reason. If you will not make any attempt to follow them, the staff will have little choice but to lock these threads.
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Postby Galadorn » Wed Jul 18, 2007 6:59 pm

well thanks for correcting me i am always willing to learn more
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Postby IrisBrandybuck » Thu Jul 19, 2007 6:04 am

Ok, Galadorn, let's start here. This is your most recent post:

galadorn stands still for a second and then returnes back to the table he was originally siting at and ponders on a few thing, one why was the old man serverly wounded, two why he was alone his brother was to follow him.as he thought this, another idea came into his head. the oldman was never trusting anough to give the package to a random person why this mortal.

galadorn stands up and walks out of the prancing pony and walks towards the mortal in a very stealthy approach and grabs her shoulder

" you how did you know the oldman lady, and dont lie to me"


The first thing you need to remember to do is to capitalize the beggining of each sentence. In normal posting this isn't so important, but here we're writing a story and it helps.

Secondly, I think maybe you should invest in a good dictionary, or get online to dictionary.com to help with spelling. Again, in the regular forums this isn't a big deal, but here it is AND it will help you at school. After a while the professors are going to stop being nice and will start taking points away for poor grammar and spelling. So another book you should invest in (and the school book store will have one or several) is one on punctuation and grammar.

Again, everything I said will actually really help you in your life outside of the internet. Learning another language is hard and these items will help you to learn even better.

Finally, you really MUST do what Daefaroth has said...go back, change the titles of both this and the RP. Go to your first post, click on "Edit" and make the changes. Even something as simple as "Galadorn's adventure" would work.

And now, having said all that, I want to give you what your post would look like after a little work. I put changes in boldface:


Galadorn stands still for a second, and then returns back to the table he was originally sitting at and ponders on a few things. One, why was the old man serverly wounded? Two, why he was alone (his brother was to follow him). As he thought this, another idea came into his head. The old man was never trusting enough to give the package to a random person... why this mortal?

Galadorn stands up and walks out of The Prancing Pony and walks towards the mortal with a very stealthy approach and grabs her shoulder

"You! How did you know the old man lady, and don't lie to me!"

And now I'll explain the changes. Every proper name should be capitalized...this includes Galadorn and The Prancing Pony. Each sentence should end with a punctuation mark: . ? ! are the general choices. When writing quotes, it generally looks like this: "Hey," he said, "Don't do that!" or "I don't understand you." (That's free of charge since your post doesn't really have that.)

Old man is two words in English. The rest are just stylistic or spelling changes. I'll confess, I'm not the greatest when it comes to spelling, but when in doubt, check.

Good luck!
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Postby Bardhwyn » Thu Jul 19, 2007 7:40 am

Fantastic exposition, Iris. Very thorough and clear.

Galadorn, why not make the edits that Iris has suggested? Along with renaming both the title to this thread and the title to the story's thread, as Daefaroth has directed?

We will then be in a good place to carry on.
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Postby Galadorn » Thu Jul 19, 2007 8:35 pm

okay thank you for your corrections
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Postby Galadorn » Fri Jul 20, 2007 12:30 am

uhh you asked me what my native languege was a while ago it is spanish um and when you said (well quoted me)

as you requested, you father would be proud (thats the old man's wrighting) so thank you for all of your help and feel free to correct me ay time you feel it is needed english is such a complicated languege i must say german is easier

(geseloush, attinthusin) it mean well in english i think it means gets to haveing fun but in spanish it easier)
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Postby Bardhwyn » Fri Jul 20, 2007 3:12 am

English is complicated, Galadorn - no doubt about it.

That's what happens when you mix Saxon, German, French, Latin and add a smattering of Gaelic and mix it around for 10 centuries. I might have missed one or two languages. :?

Still, it is a VERY GOOD idea to embrace it and immerse yourself. Good on ya', mate.

Dude, just one more thing - your OOC title made me chuckle but I think you also need to add the story title - so, if I may suggest:

OOC: The Old Man's Tale (Helping Galadorn's Grammar) :)


Ok - Iris - a question, I had the thought of describing your Hobbit character as emerging from the inn, into the courtyard outside to witness the exchange between the characters Galadorn and Bardhwyn.

Are you ok with that?

~B
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Postby IrisBrandybuck » Fri Jul 20, 2007 6:46 pm

Spanish? Hoo, boy, the only spanish I know is how to count to ten and ask someone if they speak spanish! Which isn't helpful if I can't speak, is it?

Bardwyn...that's good. :)
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