The Tale of Esgalmir

Writing is a passion many people experience after reading Tolkien's works. Come here to discuss and share your experiences with writing.

Which one of the characters is your favorite?

Esgalmir
2
33%
Malfinien
3
50%
Sarah
1
17%
Mark or Jerry
0
No votes
Debbie McHean
0
No votes
Officer Bloom
0
No votes
Darryl
0
No votes
 
Total votes : 6

The Tale of Esgalmir

Postby balrogthane » Fri Feb 27, 2004 4:04 am

Hi, I don't know if I'm doing the wrong thing here... but I am working on a little story of my own, and thought maybe I could post it here as it's being written. :) It's not very good right now but I'd like to see what TORC thinks of it, and get some input. :D Can I just put it up right here? Or is there another place I need to go?

[edit]The first chapter is right here. :) [/edit]

-(----
Last edited by balrogthane on Thu Jun 16, 2005 7:07 pm, edited 5 times in total.
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Postby LaivendurUndomiel » Fri Feb 27, 2004 5:11 pm

If I am correct, you can post it here. Other people have done so in the past, but I'm not entirely sure, so...yeah. <img src="http://www.tolkienonline.com/mb/i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif"border=0>
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Postby Daefaroth » Fri Feb 27, 2004 10:37 pm

<BR>This is definitely the right forum to post stories, poems, verse or any work that you want to share, and to ask for feedback or input.<BR><BR>As long as it does not fall outside the Terms of Service for this website, post away.<BR><BR><BR><BR>
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Postby Vinyaadariel » Sat Feb 28, 2004 9:14 am

YAY! Go for it, dont worry, im sure the forum owner wont send orcses after you!!<BR>Look forward to reading it,<BR><BR>*whispers aside to others*<BR>If balrogthane is good we could make money out of this one!!!<BR><BR>I waits with anticipation....<BR>Luv Vinny xxx<BR>
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Postby eleklya_ » Sat Feb 28, 2004 10:10 am

I,m glad u asked that balroghane I was wondering myself. Then if you can post here, whats the point of the reading room story section?? <img src="http://www.tolkienonline.com/mb/i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif"border=0> <img src="http://www.tolkienonline.com/mb/i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif"border=0>
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Postby Aramel » Sat Feb 28, 2004 9:24 pm

The point of the Reading Room is to put up your stories to show to other people. The Reading Room has a rule: nobody is allowed to say negative stuff about others' works. Here, though, people are allowed to give you "constructive criticism". That's basically it.
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Postby prmiller » Sun Feb 29, 2004 7:20 am

I hope you whatever story<BR>or poem that you bring,<BR>will grow from our perspectives,<BR>though they may have a sting.<BR>Be brave and post it for us,<BR>for we are waiting here<BR>as guests before a banquet,<BR>who hope to toast and cheer.<BR><BR>Bright blessings,<BR>Parm <img src="http://www.tolkienonline.com/mb/i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif"border=0><BR>
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Postby balrogthane » Tue Mar 02, 2004 4:47 am

OK, I feel much better. This is a selfish post, really, since I know that what I have isn't anything good, it's just something I tried to do, so I'd like to apologize for that first. But I would still really like to hear what you think about it : i.e., could it be improved? (duh it can be, but I guess I mean-- is it worth even trying to improve it ?)

And this is really embarassing, I know it must be cheesy -- and if it looks like I copied off anyone, I promise I didn't, I've read hardly any fanfic and I just got the urge to write this. So, without farther ado : *one anemic drumroll*




[edit]Since I changed all the names to be actual Elvish, the starting chapters have been reposted correctly, later on. I should have just edited the chapters already up, but since I was stupid and didn't, you'll have to jump forward to the first correct chapter. :)

Thanks, and sorry 'bout that.[/edit]




*cheeses*

-(----

P.S.-- if it stinks, PLEASE come out and say it! The last thing I want is someone clearly saying it stinks by talking about interesting idea or nice touch or parc like that. Just tell me up front! :P
Last edited by balrogthane on Thu Jun 16, 2005 5:31 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby Lady_Haleth » Tue Mar 02, 2004 7:13 am

I love that SO much!!!!!!<img src="http://www.tolkienonline.com/mb/i/expressions/face-icon-small-shocked.gif"border=0><img src="http://www.tolkienonline.com/mb/i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif"border=0> That is a cool idea for a story!!<img src="http://www.tolkienonline.com/mb/i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif"border=0> And it is very interesting and well written!! Keep it up!!!<img src="http://www.tolkienonline.com/mb/i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif"border=0> I've never been to this corner of TORC before, but Im deffinetly comming back! Please post more as soon as you have it!<img src="http://www.tolkienonline.com/mb/i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif"border=0>
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Postby balrogthane » Sat Mar 06, 2004 7:58 am

Well, either every one else who read that had to run and get over being sick before they could reply or else no-one else has read it. <img src="http://www.tolkienonline.com/mb/i/expressions/face-icon-small-tongue.gif"border=0><BR><BR>Actually, I don't think Flinolien liked being in America. Cause he ran off and showed up in another story I started (yes, I am hopelessly cranking out disjointed bits of stories). It was a gruesome little vision, you could say, of an Orc hand pinned to a tree by an arrow. So the story started by getting the Orc's hand pinned, and then Flinolien just showed up, uninvited. I swear he wasn't supposed to, but he had other ideas. Plus, I didn't know it, but he has a sister! Writing sure is interesting, eh? Your characters take on lives on their own . . .<BR><BR>I have gotten a bit more written that actually corresponds to this story, and it's on the floppy that's in the computer right now, but the stupid computer can't read WordPerfect format. <img src="http://www.tolkienonline.com/mb/i/expressions/face-icon-small-mad.gif"border=0> So I'll have to get it up later.<BR><BR>-(----
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Postby Galhadrim » Sat Mar 06, 2004 3:18 pm

It's an interesting piece, kind of like an anti-Mary Sue. Depending on your goals as a writer, I would suggest turning towards original fiction. Fanfiction cannot be published in the traditional sense but it can be a load of fun to write. Chop down some of the wordiness in your paragraphs and focus more on character development and scene description. That is what will carry a story beyond whatever initial hook you come up with.<BR><BR><img src="http://www.tolkienonline.com/mb/i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif"border=0>
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Postby eleklya_ » Sun Mar 07, 2004 9:57 am

I like it, its different!
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Postby Aiwe » Sun Mar 07, 2004 8:22 pm

I enjoyed it as well. <img src="http://www.tolkienonline.com/mb/i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif"border=0><BR><BR>Galhadrim (as usual) gave you some very good advice. Your writing ability is such that you might want to publish at some point, and you need to have an original mythos built for that.<BR><BR>Now for the nit-picky stuff<BR><BR>1) What Galhadrim said<BR><BR>2) Does Flin sleep or doesn't he? take a look at these quotes: "The alarm clock was upstairs, right through the floor, and it woke him up every morning...Without needing to sleep as humans do, Flin spent most nights on the Internet...He may not have needed much sleep, but he had to have some, and sleeping was always good for bringing advice and ideas."<BR><BR>A little clarification on that point would be good. <img src="http://www.tolkienonline.com/mb/i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif"border=0><BR><BR>--Aiwe<BR>
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Postby balrogthane » Mon Mar 08, 2004 3:43 am

Wow . . . OK, I'll respond to each of you, starting with<BR><BR><u><em><strong>Thanks!</strong></em></u> <img src="http://www.tolkienonline.com/mb/i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif"border=0><BR><BR>Galadhrim: I don't think I'd ever be interested in publishing anything, and although I don't want to call what you said into question, is it possible that good grammar has been mistaken for good writing? <img src="http://www.tolkienonline.com/mb/i/expressions/face-icon-small-sad.gif"border=0> And I know I have bad beginnings, I always do. *groans* They're painful to read, but I always end up telling and not showing. I've tried to work it out better, but the version at home is hardly different from this here. And probably worse . . .<BR>Yeah, I know it can't be published, but as you said it was a load of fun to write! Sometimes I sit down and just feel like writing. (OK, so, it's often during a boring class <img src="http://www.tolkienonline.com/mb/i/expressions/face-icon-small-blush.gif"border=0> ) But if I don't feel like doing it, or it gets hard and doesn't feel like it's going anywhere, I quit-- is that a bad attitude?<BR><BR>Aiwe: Good point. I'll have to fix that. What I meant in that last quote, in a wordy way, was, "Flinolien spent most of each night on the internet." But I now see it doesn't say that . . . <img src="http://www.tolkienonline.com/mb/i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif"border=0> oops<BR><BR>-(----
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Postby balrogthane » Mon Mar 08, 2004 4:23 am

[edit]Since I changed all the names to be actual Elvish, the starting chapters have been reposted correctly, later on. I should have just edited the chapters already up, but since I was stupid and didn't, you'll have to jump forward to the first correct chapter. :)

Thanks, and sorry 'bout that.[/edit]
Last edited by balrogthane on Thu Jun 16, 2005 5:33 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby Frelga » Tue Mar 09, 2004 12:32 pm

Balrogthane, I enjoyed your story. Looks like you put a lot of thought into it, judging by the amount of background material.<BR><BR>I don't know Elvish, so I'm no help with your question. Just wanted you to know that someone else is following your story. <img src="http://www.tolkienonline.com/mb/i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif"border=0>
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Postby balrogthane » Wed Mar 10, 2004 8:22 am

Thanks very much! . . . Unfortunately, Flinolien has fallen asleep again. *poke* He doesn't seem interested in coming back. Translation: I'm not being able to write anything. *wrinkles nose*<BR><BR>Besides, I have a book to finish for next Tuesday and a report to write and half a dozen things to turn in and-- aww crud, Flinolien can just sit there and snooze! I hope I'll get some more out of him next week . . .<BR><BR>-(----
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Postby Tigerlily_Goldworthy » Wed Mar 10, 2004 3:57 pm

Balrogthane, you really need to stop being so harsh on yourself- I found this very interesting. <BR><BR>I don't speak Elvish either, though I am trying to learn some (mispronunciations are my worst fault, I think, but I digress). I'd guess your character's name is meaningless, but you could check councilofelrond.com, they seem to have a reasonably accurate language section (like I'd know... but it actually looks like Tolkien Elvish, rather than made up Elvish [elfish? <img src="http://www.tolkienonline.com/mb/i/expressions/face-icon-small-devil.gif"border=0>])
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Postby balrogthane » Thu Mar 11, 2004 7:43 am

Well thank you! <img src="http://www.tolkienonline.com/mb/i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif"border=0> <img src="http://www.tolkienonline.com/mb/i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif"border=0> You're very kind. I still really want to run it by my sister, though. She has the final word on anything I do. <img src="http://www.tolkienonline.com/mb/i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif"border=0> You wouldn't be too far wrong if you replaced Flinolien and Ninia with me and my sister. <img src="http://www.tolkienonline.com/mb/i/expressions/face-icon-small-tongue.gif"border=0> I'm not nearly as cool as Flinolien, but ny sister is way cooler than Ninia!<BR><BR>What do you think needs to be changed? And I will add some more, I just got, erm, sidetracked again . . .<BR><BR>-(----
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Postby Vinyaadariel » Sun Mar 14, 2004 12:19 pm

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm, me likeee, it was definitely different, but original.<BR><BR>Continue, and we shall see how it progresses...<BR><BR>Keep going, ddon't be so harsh on urself,<BR><BR>U is v brave to even do this in the frist place....I roots for u<BR><BR>Luv Vinny xxxxx
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Postby Lady_Haleth » Sat Mar 20, 2004 8:43 pm

Wow, I love it!!!<img src="http://www.tolkienonline.com/mb/i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif"border=0> I like the style and the storyline is interesting! Most of all, its unique!! No Mary Sue story. The only thing is that Tolkien wrote about a character named Haleth; a girl. So you might want to change the name or maybe not.
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Postby balrogthane » Mon Mar 22, 2004 5:05 am

Ah, I see. So, you're not keeping an open mind? :wink: Thanks, I will change that. Sometime. No time now. Instead, lemme see... need to put in what I got next...

First off, here's the full chapter 6.

[edit]Since I changed all the names to be actual Elvish, the starting chapters have been reposted correctly, later on. I should have just edited the chapters already up, but since I was stupid and didn't, you'll have to jump forward to the first correct chapter. :)

Thanks, and sorry 'bout that.[/edit]

-(----
Last edited by balrogthane on Thu Jun 16, 2005 5:34 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby Lady_Haleth » Tue Mar 23, 2004 3:45 pm

Oooh, its getting exciting!!!<img src="http://www.tolkienonline.com/mb/i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif"border=0> You are a talented writer balrogthane!!! <BR><BR>Maybe Haleth had a sex change or something...<img src="http://www.tolkienonline.com/mb/i/expressions/face-icon-small-rolleyes.gif"border=0> See?? Open mind!<img src="http://www.tolkienonline.com/mb/i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif"border=0><img src="http://www.tolkienonline.com/mb/i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif"border=0>
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Postby balrogthane » Wed Mar 24, 2004 2:02 am

Thanks! I'm trying to make it more so; I know it was mighty boring to start with...<BR><BR>LOL. Yeah, that definitely sounds like something an Elf would do. <img src="http://www.tolkienonline.com/mb/i/expressions/face-icon-small-rolleyes.gif"border=0> <img src="http://www.tolkienonline.com/mb/i/expressions/face-icon-small-tongue.gif"border=0><BR><BR>BTW, do you know a place I could go and try to get Elven names? I tried-- once-- to learn Elvish. That did not work. So I am still in the dark as to what my names mean (other than that one!)<BR><BR>-(----
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Postby Tigerlily_Goldworthy » Wed Mar 24, 2004 2:15 pm

Well, Councilofelrond.com has a sindarin and a Quenya name database, so you could search out names (like say, Sarah) and it'd give you the Sindarin/Quenya equivalent.<BR><BR>Or, what I do is get out my Silmarillion or my 'Languages of Tolkien's Middle-earth' book and look up elements of names...<BR><BR>That's lead to some interesting name possibilites for me.
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Postby balrogthane » Thu Mar 25, 2004 7:53 am

OK, thanks Tigerlily! I'll do that right now.<BR><BR>-(----
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Postby Lady_Haleth » Thu Mar 25, 2004 8:59 pm

So how long do we have to wait for the next instalment?<img src="http://www.tolkienonline.com/mb/i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif"border=0> <BR><BR><BR>Do the stories posted here have to be LotR related or not? Im trying to write a little something too, but its not LotR related.
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Postby balrogthane » Thu Apr 01, 2004 6:38 am

OK, heh heh... got a slightly irate message from an Elvish scholar (scholar in Elvish, not scholar who is an Elf) informing me that I had named my principal character a girl's name and his sister would translate as 'Tear Abyss' or something touching like that. O.o So I am now repairing the damage.<BR><BR>Also have some more written, if anyone is interested. And please some more criticism! My ego is enough trouble to control as it is!! Please...<BR><BR>-(----
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Postby Tigerlily_Goldworthy » Thu Apr 01, 2004 12:39 pm

<em>OK, heh heh... got a slightly irate message from an Elvish scholar (scholar in Elvish, not scholar who is an Elf) informing me that I had named my principal character a girl's name and his sister would translate as 'Tear Abyss' or something touching like that. O.o So I am now repairing the damage.<BR></em><BR><BR>Sorry... <img src="http://www.tolkienonline.com/mb/i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif"border=0> I have to snicker... I find that rather amusing. <BR><BR>But of course, at least your Elves' name means something... I'm working on BETA-ing one of my RL friends' first attmpts at writing fanfiction, and the names, though pretty, are just random syllables. (The really odd thing about this situation is that she knows nothing of LOTR, sae what she got from FOTR [the movie], a fanfic [A Little Nudge Out The Door], amnd what little I've told her [then again... that's not such a good resource... <img src="http://www.tolkienonline.com/mb/i/expressions/face-icon-small-devil.gif"border=0> I told her Frodo dies in ROTK. *evil laughter*])
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Postby Lady_Haleth » Wed Apr 14, 2004 2:30 pm

<em>(scholar in Elvish, not scholar who is an Elf)</em><BR><BR>Oh come on, are you sure?? Its possible they are an Elf in disguise as an Elvish scholar!<img src="http://www.tolkienonline.com/mb/i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif"border=0><BR><BR>So whats going on with the story? I can't wait for more of it, its great!
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