If I really went to Middle Earth

Writing is a passion many people experience after reading Tolkien's works. Come here to discuss and share your experiences with writing.

Postby *~Linsul~*~Songbreeze~* » Mon Feb 14, 2005 3:59 pm

You guys make me blush.........
:)

Ch 5 is in the works, but I have a question: Do you still want the Rohirric/OE translations?


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Postby Tuima » Mon Feb 14, 2005 8:21 pm

Wonderful, Linsul! Very realistic!
I dunno about the translations. On the one hand, they sure are nice -- but on the other hand, it helps the tone of your story to leave your readers a little confused or frustrated -- they can relate to Alysandra that much better.

Happily awaiting the next installment!
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Postby Elfkin » Tue Feb 15, 2005 10:49 am

*Rubs eyes* B...Balrogthane?! Can it be? *is melodramatic and stuff* Where've you been all this time? The Lair feels cold and empty. Mostly cold. Comes of being used to having a Balrog about the place.

We've missed you! Have you seen Vanimor?
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Postby Shieldmaiden_pippin » Tue Feb 15, 2005 12:30 pm

[color=darkred]Och, I've forgotten the Lair! :(

And I haven't seen Vanimor in forever... :cry: I fear that the incredibly hard work of finding a college and finishing high-school (probably not in that order :P ) has dragged her away from TORC.

But I will try and post something in the Lair sometime soon.

Now we'd best head elsewhere before Linsul suspects us of trying to hijack her thread... :whistle:

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Postby Tigerlily_Goldworthy » Tue Feb 15, 2005 3:37 pm

Heh heh. Methinks BT forgot to sign out of Pippy's account after he updated ToP or something.

I've only been reading for the past two days... BT called me and told me that I had to read it, so I did. Very good. This is cool. :D

I personally kinda like the translations... I like knowing what's going on and being like "I know something you don't know, [Insert Character Here]!"
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Postby Elfkin » Wed Feb 16, 2005 5:26 am

BT: I shall be watching you. :P I miss Vanimor... :(

About the translations: I think they're a good thing, for T_G's reason and because it's kind of fun to try to work out what in blazes they're talking about then seeing if I was right. :) Then with your little note above them (just "translations" or something) people who, like Tuima, want to keep the element of mystery know when to stop reading. Would that work?
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Postby Dilly » Wed Feb 16, 2005 8:48 pm

Ya, I like elfkin's idea. Because I like the whole 'not knowing' thing but it would also be nice to know what they are saying.

Vunderful vunderful!

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Postby *~Linsul~*~Songbreeze~* » Thu Feb 17, 2005 4:40 pm

OK. I shall put in translations, then I'll post the next chapter.

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Postby balrogthane » Thu May 05, 2005 12:22 pm

Three months later, we're all still :whistle:

Where is Linsul? :club: :wink: :P

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Postby Tigerlily_Goldworthy » Fri May 06, 2005 8:33 am

*sits patiently while BT stalks around the room waiting*

If you think three months is bad... there's a certain fanfic that hasn't been updated since Oct 23, 2003 that I'm waiting for... :roll:

And of course, she had to cut it off in a part that puts her main character into a rather desperate plight...
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Postby aragornnme » Fri May 06, 2005 12:14 pm

Yes, well, we won't mention that one, TG :roll: It has been since 2003, hasn't it? Anywho, I said I wouldn't mention it...:whistle:

So, yeah, where is Linsul? I like anti-Mary Sue stories :D And she hasn't updated in a while...:nono:

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Postby Eredolyn » Mon May 09, 2005 9:05 am

She's romping around Fangorn with a few friends at the moment (having just returned from a nasty adventure involving muses in Mirkwood :P ). Hang on, I'll go get her...
Liiiiiinsul,
*Linsul romping about a glade, not listening.*
Liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinsul,
*remains happily ignorant*
LINSUL!
*pauses and wonders where sound is coming from*
Linsul listen! Get over to this story and freakin write!
*sees a butterfly and chases after it*

grrrrrrrrrrr. As you can see, she's not listening. :lightening:
Maybe we ought to send muses into her story to get her writing. What say you, Tuima? But then that would be weird because she's already tracking down muses with us....oh nevermind. :roll:

-Ere
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Postby *~Linsul~*~Songbreeze~* » Tue May 10, 2005 2:56 pm

Wooooow... what a pretty butterfly...

*goes skipping after it*


*is enjoying tormenting BT and Ere*
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Postby balrogthane » Tue May 10, 2005 3:07 pm

:cavetroll:

And I'm NOT kidding. :evil:

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Postby *~Linsul~*~Songbreeze~* » Tue May 10, 2005 9:13 pm

FINE!

Chapter 5 : Hunger

Cat puke, I thought sleepily as I sat down to rest and watch the sun set. That’s what the sky looks like. Cat puke, if your cat’s been eating lots of salmon. The clouds, with their pinkish tint, did look a bit fishy, rippled into scales by a high-altitude wind. As the light faded, deep blue gaps of night peered through like an upside-down ocean, bottomless and cold.

My stomach rumbled at the thought of salmon, or any food, for that matter. It had been two days since we’d eaten anything. I was increasingly worried about Lytling, who cried whenever she wasn’t asleep. She was simply sobbing now, too tired to wail.

A rabbit hopped unconcernedly at the base of the hill, pausing to drink from a puddle that had gathered in crook between two hills. I stiffened, staring down at it hungrily. I hadn’t had meat in awhile. The rohirric family I had been with had eaten meat rarely, choosing to live off the small garden outside instead.

I glanced down at Lytling, who had finally drifted to sleep, though she was still sniffling. Maybe I could leave her for a bit. The grass made a good cushion, and I’d just be down the hill aways. Not too far.

My mind made up, I set her down in the grass, and cautiously made my way downhill.

The rabbit’s ears went up. It froze. Flattened itself out on the ground, using an old lepine trick that fooled hawks, (who could only tell the difference between prey and grass if the prey was moving), and most all of its other predators. But it was too late. I’d already seen it.

Even with my lack of weapons, I was pretty sure that I could capture it. I’d spent many a year of my childhood chasing’ my pet rabbits in our large yard, and occasionally chasing the wild ones behind our houses. I had become pretty efficient at catching rabbits. I hoped that I still was.

I pretended I didn’t see bunny, walking nonchalantly to the left, and heading away from it, keeping my eyes fixed on another spot, though I was watching it out of the corner of my eyes. It remained still.

I turned as fast as I could and pounced, only to have it wriggle out of my hands and shoot away into the night. I howled, angry, and scrambled after.

I’d no idea I could run so fast. I suppose it was hunger that drove me to race after the poor rabbit, who was frantic by now. Even when I lost sight of the actual rabbit, I could follow the ripples in the long grass. I pounced often, but each time I was unsuccessful in catching my prey. C’mon, Ally!I chided myself, this was easy when you were a kid! But the plains of Rohan offered more places for the rabbit to run than my walled-in backyard, or the flat, open parks where I used to chase rabbits.

I was panting by now, and the ripples in the grass were far ahead. I gave up, feeling ready to cry. What was I going to do? Even if I’d caught the rabbit, there’d be nothing to feed Lytling with! Tiered, I headed back to where I’d left Lytling.

The return trip took much longer than on the way out, and when I finally reached Lytling, the stars were out, and peeping through the clouds. She was awake, and whimpering again. I hugged her to my chest, wishing with all my heart I could give her food.

“Please, God, “ I prayed as I held her, “Help me to find food for Lytling. Please. Shhh...” I whispered to baby, as she began to cry even louder. “I don’t want her to die, God. Please, help.”

~

With the morning came a sort of calm. I was more determined than ever to find a settlement, any settlement. I walked as fast as I could in my exhaustion, heading in no particular direction. Lytling slept most of the time, her little golden head leaning against my shoulder. That alone was enough encouragement to keep me going.

I saw smoke on the horizon at about noon. At first, I was excited, thinking that it was the smoke of village fires, but as I drew closer, I saw that the smoke was much too dense and dark to be a cluster of small fires. With a sinking heart, I realized that it was another burnt-out village. The wild men must’ve been busy.

I sat on one of the many rocks, and simply stared at the smoking, blackened ruins, feeling nothing. I was, I suppose, too tired to think or feel. I coughed as the smoke filled my lungs. Lytling blinked at the village, seemingly not really seeing them.

I sat, watching the now small flames lick the ruins, and die. The feelings seeped into me slowly. The realization of what this meant came first, and with it despair, knowing the next village had to be over a day’s walk away. Most likely the Wild men would get there before me.

Lytling’s blue eyes looked wearily up into mine as I explained to her why there was no food. Even though she couldn’t really understand me, I felt that I owed her at least that much. I finally broke down crying, not able to bear that tiny, sorrowful face. As my warm tears splattered on her face, Lytling took one of her chubby hands over her face to block my tears, and began to cry as well.

This was altogether too much for me. There had to be something for her to eat! Anything! I set her down, and rushed at the burning wreckage. My bare feet singed as I ran through the hot ashes. I scrambled over blackened beams, and dug franticly, trying to find something, anything, to feed Lytling with.

“Come on!” I yelled, furious at the hot wreckage that laughingly, (or so I thought in my anger), hid all food from me. My skirt caught fire, and I franticly beat it with my hand, not caring if I burnt my hands in the process.

I threw a smoldering wooden shield out of my way, frantic to find food. There! A cracked clay jar was sitting on the ground. White liquid was leaking out of the crack. Milk! I grabbed it, and whooped, happier and more delighted than I’d been since I’d come to this godforsaken country. I hastily took my skirts and used it to plug up the crack, which was as long as my middle finger.

The jar was hot from being buried under all that ash for who knows how long, but I held tight onto it, and refused to follow my reflexes and drop it. I ran, excited, to where Lytling lay, still crying.

Hastily, I set the jar on the ground, knelt, and picked her up. I poured milk into my other hand from the crack, and held it to Lytling’s lips. She stopped crying as she tasted the rather warm milk, and eagerly began to drink more. I smiled as she ate, my heart slightly less heavy. Some hope at last.
Last edited by *~Linsul~*~Songbreeze~* on Tue May 10, 2005 9:27 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby balrogthane » Tue May 10, 2005 9:21 pm

:shock:

*applauds madly*

Very good! Even more intense. I love how the rabbit actually managed to escape-- I also love how Ally would even have the idea of chasing a poor, defenseless little bunny to devour it. :wink:

Only one small note: 'tired' means someone who is sleepy, worn-out. 'Tiered' has to do with having 'tiers,' or multiple levels. :P

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Postby *~Linsul~*~Songbreeze~* » Tue May 10, 2005 9:33 pm

lol, glad you liked it. But beleive me- bunnies can be dangerous! :shock: NEVER try to pet baby bunnies while mommy's around!

*ow*

Thatnks for catching the "speeling" mistake.. I fixed it immeadiately!

And I really do suggest you write on YOUR story now that I'm back in business.


*puppy eyes*

Pweeeeze!
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Postby Ladyofboxclocks » Thu May 12, 2005 2:33 pm

Oh wow! I just found this thread, and I am hooked on your story! It's true though, your story is much more realistic than any Mary Sue, and I really like it! Please, write more! I really like the use of Anglo-Saxon too, it really adds a lot!
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Postby *~Linsul~*~Songbreeze~* » Tue May 17, 2005 10:13 am

Aw, thanks LadyOBC!

Chapter Six: Of Edoras and Acne

I first saw the city at sunset. I had spotted two people on horseback, and was trying to call to them when I reached the hill-top and beheld Edoras, more beautiful and breathtaking than any picture or movie would have been able to convey. The Golden Halls upon the top of that large hill shone in the reddish light of the sunset, looking like what I thought heaven must look like. It was the best thing I'd seen since I'd come here.

I stood still, simply admiring the city, no longer watching the solitary horse with it's two riders. It was just as I had imagined it- only a hundred times better.

The folks at TORC would get a kick out of this, I thought, suddenly remembering all my friends there. I wished they could've come, too. Maybe then I wouldn't've made so many mistakes- or lost those two boys. I felt a prickle of guilt, and looked down.

White flowers dotted the ground at the foot of the hill. There were small, irregular hills down there- burial mounds, I realized. Two men were standing amoungst them, one before a mound and weeping, the other simply standing there, comforting the other with his presence.

I lost my breath, and my throat closed. I realized, with the excitement only a Lord of the Rings fan can get, that Theoden, king of Rohan, and Gandalf the White were below.

Thud! I turned to see what had made the sound. The horse I had been following had just lost one of it's riders, and the other, a little girl, clung to the saddle, looking fearfully over at the boy on the ground.

The two men looked up, and Gandalf hurried to them, with a swiftness that seemed odd for someone who was - or at least, appeared to be - so old. Tentatively I made my way down to them.

"Hwaet?" I said, using the Rohirric word for hello.

Theoden looked up. "Hwæt eart þu?"

"Allysandra," I said, hoping I understood him correctly, "Er- I was- attacked- by Wild men. Er.... Wild Men," What had Blostma called them? "Wylde menne?" I guessed, knowing that most likely it was not right.

"Wilde ielde sucan!" the little girl was sobbing into her brother's chest. He nodded, and spoke quickly to Theoden in rohirric, who answered equally fast.

Gandalf whispered something to Theoden, who looked at me and nodded. Gandalf then motioned for me to follow him. Suddenly I felt nervous. I hesitated, but decided to go anyways. The girl was placed back on the horse, and her brother led it by the reins behind him. Theoden strode forward and walked beside (and slightly ahead) of Gandalf. Thus I entered Edoras, the great city of Rohan.

~

They led us up through the main thouroughfare and into the Hall. I was almost trembling with excitement as the guards drew back the door and let us in.

Inside, sat four of the (in my opinion) best people in Middle Earth: the three hunters, and Eowyn. I touched my hand to my face, to make sure that I was here for sure.

A bump met my finger.

I blushed profusely as Legolas peered curiously at me, his fair face too
much to bear. Acne! Now! In Middle Earth! I groaned, and tried to glare at my traitorous face, which, of course, was impossible.

They sat the four of us (the boy, girl, Lytling and I) down at one of the many wooden tables. Eowyn rushed forward, making sympathetic sounds as we sat. I realized that I must look a sight, all covered with ash and dirt and cuts and bruises. The other two sure did, though they were not coated with ash as I was.

Gandalf spoke, surprising me greatly. He spoke english, or at least, something like it. The pronounciations were wrong in some places, (e's weren't silent at the end of a word, stuff like that), I could actually make out what he was saying.

"They were attacked, they say, by wild men. Someone go and fetch food for them!"

Eowyn hurried off, returning quickly with three bowls of soup. She looked questioningly at Lytling. "Are you her mother?" she asked me. I shook my head, and she hurried back to what I supposed was the kitchens, returning with milk and an odd, soft gruel. I thanked her, and began to eat, gulping down the food like the two with me.

The others were talking. "Wild men? Where?" the voice was Aragorn's.

"He-" Gandalf gestured at the boy, "has told me that they lived in the West Fold. He does not know the girl and the babe, however, and we did not ask her."

Eowyn went and knelt down beside us, speaking softly to first the girl and her brother, then to me. Theoden sat down upon his throne, with a great sigh, and Gandalf sat down on his right.

We told her our stories, and she rose and spoke. "They had no warning! They were unarmed! Now the wild men are moving through the West Fold, burning as they go, rick, cot, and tree."

"Hwider is Modor?" the little girl asked Eowyn.

"Shhh...." Eowyn put a balnket over the girl's shoulders, trying to comfort her.

Gandalf spoke to Theoden. "This is but a taste of the terror than Saruman will unleash. All the more potently, as he is driven now by fear of Sauron!"

Theoden drew a hand over his eyes, and Gandalf continued to speak. "Ride out and meet him head-on, " he said, placing a hand on the arm of Theoden's throne. "Draw him away from your women and children. You must fight!"

Theoden looked warily at Gandalf. I watched with a mix of awe and horror. Awe, because I was in a room full of the people I had been nuts about since the age of eight, and horror because I knew what would happen next, and was frightened.

"You have a thousand good men riding north as we speak. Eomer is loyal to you. His men will return and fight for their king." Aragorn spoke ernestly.

Theoden stood, and I crossed my fingers, praying that Theoden would change his mind, or something, and listen to what the others said.

"They will be three hundred leagues from here by now! " he paced before the throne, "Eomer cannot help us. "

So much for that.

"I know what it is you want of me," he continued, turning to face Gandalf, who had also risen, "But I will not bring further death to my people. I will not risk open war."

"Open war is upon you, whether you would risk it or not. " Aragorn spoke again. I resisted the urge to go "YEAH!" but I did sit up straighter at this.

Theoden angrily turned and walked to were Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli sat. "When last I looked," he said, "Theoden, not Aragorn, was king of Rohan. "

"Then what is the King's desicion?" Gandalf's voice was sharp, and a teensy bit sarcastic.

Theoden turned to him. "We go to Helm's Deep."
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Postby Eredolyn » Tue May 17, 2005 11:14 am

Wow, that's awesome. It's like watching the movie with a TORC fan doing commentary! Hilarious! So I take it you're in the film Middle Earth, and not the book Middle Earth, right? because that's what it looks like. Quick suggestion: I would mention 'Alysandra' travelling a bit or something before coming upon Edoras. Otherwise it's brilliant!
Glad you're writing again! :happydance:

-Ere
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Postby balrogthane » Tue May 17, 2005 1:35 pm

It's good-- but, how do the characters suddenly know English? :? Such a major plot change, unless you have an incredibly good reason to back it up, threatens to destroy the main point of your story. :|

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Postby *~Linsul~*~Songbreeze~* » Tue May 24, 2005 3:57 pm

balrogthane wrote:It's good-- but, how do the characters suddenly know English? :? Such a major plot change, unless you have an incredibly good reason to back it up, threatens to destroy the main point of your story. :|

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*sigh* I know... but I don't know what to use to represent the common tounge. Any ideas?
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Postby balrogthane » Tue May 24, 2005 11:23 pm

Linsul wrote:*sigh* I know... but I don't know what to use to represent the common tounge. Any ideas?

Anything but English, really-- letting your character understand what's being said is the disaster. It also goes against what you were previously shooting for, where you also kept us in the dark. :| Unfortunately, you're already using the Old English for the Rohirric. I would suggest either looking into doing German (you could save some lyrical language like Italian for if you meet any Elves), or some other Germanic language, for Common.

One other note-- your story is strongest when it isn't following movie events. I don't know if it's just the fact that almost all fanfic writers retell scenes, or what, but I like your story best when it isn't following along with exact scenes from the movies.

All these comments should not be taken as dislike for your story-- far from it! :D It still rocks. Keep going! :)

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Postby *~Linsul~*~Songbreeze~* » Wed May 25, 2005 10:31 am

Thank-you thank you thank you! Ch 6 is being re-written- I agree that the movie thing doesn't go over well.....
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Postby Ladyofboxclocks » Thu May 26, 2005 4:13 pm

Oh, I don't know about the language factor. I mean, if you based Rohirric on Anglo-Saxon then you must base Westron on English, it makes sense that way. I mean, it's like the Hobbits recognizing words of the Rohirric language because they speak Westron, kind of how I recognize words in Anglo Saxon because English comes from it. Besides, do you really want to write all the dialog in several different languages?!? That would get really hard after a while unless you have your character start to understand the language and they write it in English to convey that your character understands. *shrug*

But I do agree with BT and that following the movie story wasn't your strong point, but a lot of writers do it so it's permitable...

But besides that, I really do like the story, and I can't wait to see what you do with it. :)
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Postby Lalaith-Elerrina » Sat May 28, 2005 8:25 pm

Okay, hello. Linsul, this is what I am doing for not having found this thread before: :cry: :pull: :cry:

I don't hardly ever come to The Scriptorium. Sorry! :(

I would agree with BT, although I can see you've already followed the advice. I don't mind folks who follow the movie lines so much, but it's nice to see a new take, also.

(Even though I haven't commented until now, I did just now read every post, Linsul.) :D
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Postby Dilly » Thu Jun 02, 2005 6:19 am

Linsul!

It was great! And I also (like others before me) agree with BT. Your story has a sort of innocence about it, maybe because of Alysandra's inability to speak the tongue, or the fact that REAL things happen to her. Anyway, keep going strong! I like that we have had two chapters in such a short time!

Dilly
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Postby Mytootzie2 » Fri Jun 10, 2005 1:26 pm

Hi, my name is morgan, i'm new but i've read through chapter 4 and now that i came here i got chatpers 5&6. i must say i enjoyed them alot. As for the whole language thing i think that it's fine that Theoden, Gandalf, Eowyn Legolas etc. know english. It would make sense since they are of nobility or a higher class. The common people wouldn't have as much education as they would and no need to know the common toung like the king and Eowyn, since they are counted on to communicate with other lands. i think your doing great. keep going. i'm excited to know what happens next. :)
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Postby Lalaith-Elerrina » Mon Jun 13, 2005 11:37 am

Hey, Linsul! I've read the latest chapter in the RR. Lovely job! Again. This is a great story. I love your imagination.
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Postby Lady_Larien » Thu Jun 16, 2005 6:17 am

Linsul- Wonderful story and very creative/different!! I'm very interesting to see what happens next and how she will interact with the Fellowship. PLEASE POST SOON!!!!

~Lari~
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