The Unforging of the Ring (Help?)

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The Unforging of the Ring (Help?)

Postby WithyWyrm » Thu Feb 22, 2007 5:54 pm

The Unforging of the Ring

Over forbidden mountains black
By cursed road and twisted track
We must go on, without the dawn
To take this thing of evil back

Far from the hope of home and Shire
Following roads of peril dire
Still we must press, the wrong redress
Deep in the mountain's ancient fire

Beyond the help of council wise
On stony bed, 'neath hidden skies
We will not fall, for past the pall
The bright and blessed stars yet rise

Though darkness light and laughter take
Though courage fails and feet may quake
It cannot end, we will not bend!
Our hearts are set, they cannot break.

Through journeys cold and comfortless
And onward to the dark abyss
'Neath mountain's shade, the sun will fade,
But we will climb and conquer this!

In triumph's hour all hope has fled
As here we lie on stony bed
Our hearts are light, we conquered might,
Though life for us is gone and dead.

Though fading from our mortal eyes,
We glimpse the dawn through smoky skies
The light has come! Our task is done!
On eagles’ wings our spirits rise.



--------------------------------------------------------------------

Garg. This doesn't feel right. Should I leave off the last verse? Add another one? Just stop being paranoid and post it already?
:bang:

Edit: Here is the final verse...which probably needs tweaking...but it's written! Thanks for the input!
Last edited by WithyWyrm on Thu Sep 27, 2007 7:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby Erumahtar » Thu Feb 22, 2007 6:43 pm

I like it, but I must agree with you about the last verse. Maybe adding another that sounded more hopeful? :?

But it is pretty good and I like the title very much. :thumbsup:
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Postby ~*Enaira_of_Imladris*~ » Fri Feb 23, 2007 7:37 pm

I agree with Erumahtar. I think one of the things Tolkien wanted to get across in his books is hope. It sounds like it needs another verse to lift it back up.
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Postby Mungo » Fri Feb 23, 2007 7:55 pm

Very nice. I thought it came from somewhere in the books. It very much has the feel of the dwarves' song in the beginning of the Hobbit.

But it does feel incomplete. When I was reading it, I felt like the ending came too soon. Perhaps a few more verses?
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Postby WithyWyrm » Fri Mar 23, 2007 8:12 pm

That means back to the drawing board again. I'm just not getting that final verse...it'll probably be a while until I get it hammered out.

Thanks for the help, I needed it!

~WW
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Postby Edmund the Scholar » Tue May 15, 2007 9:56 am

WithyWyrm wrote:That means back to the drawing board again. I'm just not getting that final verse...it'll probably be a while until I get it hammered out.

Thanks for the help, I needed it!

~WW


How is that final verse coming WW?
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Back-from-the-dead appearances are getting to be a habit...

Postby WithyWyrm » Thu Sep 27, 2007 6:59 pm

Finally! I've composed a final verse. What has it been? Seven months? You wouldn't think four little lines would give me that much trouble...yeesh.

I'm just going to edit the new verse into the first post. Please tell me what you think!

~WW


PS: Mungo: It should; this was based closely off of the verses in the Hobbit.
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Postby Erumahtar » Mon Oct 01, 2007 3:45 am

Welcome back, WW. :)

I like the last verse soooooooooooooooo much. It's so hopeful and true to the story. And it seems more complete ( Mungo) then the last one.

You are a hell of a poet, WW. :wink:
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