Fishing with Meatloaf

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Fishing with Meatloaf

Postby A_Simple_Poet » Mon Apr 02, 2007 9:45 am

The following story was an exercise designed to imitate right down to the semi-colon the style of a short story written by Jamaica Kincaid. Though I emulated her style of making the piece, in effect, one long sentence; the theme is my own and I am experimenting both with voice and character personality with regard to the father. Some of it has been edited or ommitted to keep it family friendly and free or harsh vulgarities. I suppose this is my submission for whatever TORC awards this qualifies for next time around. :roll:

Anyway, Let me know what you think. :)

Fishing with Meatloaf

So you really think you’re a man, then?; well I still don’t see any fish on your line, and a man ain’t a man until he’s caught his first fish, no son you’re the one to catch them this time; I’m just here to eat ‘em; what do you mean you can’t?; ain’t you been watching me and Chuck do it all this time?; I know you can do it!; no I didn’t bring no lures … lures are for sissies and amateurs; I don’t care what they say, bass are hard after the real thing, now reach into the cooler and grab a bit of last night’s meatloaf; it should work fine and leave a bit of tin foil on it; the shine will draw the fish; just don’t tell your mother about it; see now you hook it gently through the fat … are you listening to me … the fat part here, so it won’t cut off; too squirrelly for you?; it’s not even blood son, it’s meat loaf!; oh you’re talking about the skinning of the fish?; aw hell, it’s only a little bit of blood!; didn’t you ever get a strawberry flying for a fly ball?; no wait; that’s right; Chuck played ball and you played the piano; shame of a thing to do to a kid; but don’t tell your mother I said that;

all right, fine I’ll skin it this time but there’s a few things I wanted to talk to you about before we cook ‘em later; no, son, I didn’t bring a microwave in my pockets, we’ll have to build a fire to toast them but there’s no sense in doing that until we catch them first; now mind your line now or you’ll lose it, grip it there, that’s good; lucky we’re not in a boat; it’s funny how you’re so scared of water; you should have been one of those kids they dropped into the pool right out of the oven to swim, like they do on those science channels; that’s what we should have done I always said, but don’t tell your mother I said that; now look, how old are you, fifteen?; alright, twelve … it don’t really matter; you’re gonna start liking girls soon; you see your sister Mindy is turning 16, what, next month?; well if she brings home some clown punk I think I might just have to kill him; personally, I wouldn’t have her start dating until she’s 25, only don’t tell your mother I said that; now as I was saying before that, girls start to really grow at that age and are practically women; yeah, I see you might know that already; but quit blushing now, men don’t blush and we don’t cry either, I don’t care what the political correct horses--t tells you these days, only girly men and finks cry, remember that;

and as for girls … well don’t go getting one knocked up ever … even when you get married, think real hard about it no matter how much she hooks and sauces you because you’ll be trapped for life; knocked up?; you mean you ain’t heard about all that yet?; well … we’ll talk about girls again another day; anyway mind your line, it look s like you got a bite!; aw, hell, look sharp now boy!, reel it, pull tight, harder; aw fell. He cut out there, you lost ‘em; aw, don’t worry about it; don’t apologize, boy, I said it’s alright don’t worry about it, sometimes life jumps off the line too and all you can do is bring in your line, bait it with your best offering and cast out again; besides we’ve still got a ton of meatloaf, though now that I think about it, that might be the problem really; just don’t tell your mother I said that.
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A_Simple_Poet
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Postby seren » Thu Apr 05, 2007 11:34 am

ASP: Thank you for sharing this with us. I, for one, enjoyed it very much.

Both Ms_G and I have responded in the Writer's Cafe - I hope you find our comments useful.



:D
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Postby A_Simple_Poet » Fri Apr 06, 2007 7:02 am

Thanks, Seren. I read the comments over there. I meant to respond to them all so as not to derail the continuity of the Writer's Cafe. But to answer the prevailing question there: no, I don't favor the bloody semicolon either. I loathe it, but that was part of emulating the style of Ms. Kincaid.

I may respond to the comments left at the Writer's Cafe when I have a better opportunity to do so. :)
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Postby Edmund the Scholar » Tue Apr 24, 2007 6:53 am

Bravo Poet!!

I have to say, being a new father of a little boy, I was very moved by your writing. I am not a fisherman, but I often picture my son and I sharing moments like this. I can't wait until I can share the LOTRs with him!

Thanks for posting this. I am going to share it with my wife.
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Postby A_Simple_Poet » Fri Apr 27, 2007 6:55 am

I've been fishing just once, and never with a child.

And I have no children either so this story was a bit of a reach for me. It seems to have been rather well recieved.

Thanks for the kind words.
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