Appendix Z :Redux: (Parody)

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Appendix Z :Redux: (Parody)

Postby pat457 » Tue Dec 16, 2008 12:42 am

Well, here goes Appendix Z again, with many modifications from its original version.

FOREWORD: This is a general parody of those ancient documents in fragmentary conditions and archeological findings of such in general, a "what-if" type parody specifically. What if some bunch of ancient texts were discovered in the Minas Tirith library? What if a few of those texts give us a different picture than what the actual novels give us (think Nag Hammadi library or the Oxyrhynchus papyri or even the Dead Sea Scrolls)? Would these change our view of say, Frodo or Sam or Aragorn or even Gandalf?

If these are quite boring, then I did my job. Appendices are usually supposed to be boring anyways. :lol:


============

Recently, the (rather snooty and...:ahem: I mean, very kind and helpful) librarians of Minas Tirith released previously-unknown texts not found in the copy of the Red Book that the Professor translated into English. Now for the first time, we shall show these published texts fully translated into English, under the collective title "Appendix Z."

With the (not so-)kind permission of the librarians and assistance by many and without further ado, we are proud to present:

TEXT 1.) THE CAUCALINDALË CODEX (MnTr P11)

(The codex starts off with blank water-stained parchment pages. On the fourth leaf, verso, is written a preface in Westron, smudged and badly-spelled)

Waet falous es a wel-knun elwesh song comonle sung bi zthe elwes and in corts of kyng elesear wech i shel wreighte en teh orgnal qenya and cinderin for the benefeyt of futyure generacions

(Ed. Note: It is interesting to note that the writer mentions the Elves as still existing in Middle Earth and Elessar's reign, dating this Appendix as having been written in the early years of the 4th Age. The song which follows is written hastily and crudely, that even scholars had a hard time deciphering the text for 5 years. Even so, after much labor they finally deciphered the text as that of a well-known Elvish song, also well-attested in contemporary works of the period. The text is as follows:)

Odd mix of Quenya and Sindarin: [i]Hobbit spies from Shire
Trying to steal gold hordes from dragons
And thirteen Dwarves from mountains
Dream of silver-steel productions
And if you want these kind of dreams
It
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Postby pat457 » Tue Dec 16, 2008 12:55 am

The next verses are found to be unique to this manuscript, believed to be a late addition by another scribe (dubbed "Scribe B"), judging from the handwriting, which is more clear and legible, as opposed to "Scribe A" who seems to know word spelling poorly and was clearly copying his text of the song from another source). Other sources either give alternate verses (there are all in all 1400 variations of this song) or end the song at this point which points to this song perhaps being passed on orally, changed by bards and minstrels as they see fit.

Careful examination of contemporary works from the 4th Age reveals that the following verse seems to have been lifted from yet another Elvish song (now lost), fitted into the above song by editing the lyrics to fit the rhyme scheme and tacking the chorus on:

[i]Destruction leads to a very rough road
But it also breeds Creation
And earthquakes are to Eru
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Postby pat457 » Tue Dec 16, 2008 1:35 am

FRAGMENT 2 (Recto)

...Bilbo stood up. "I told you Gan[dalf,] I am having st[range n]ight[ma]res lately. I see this deep, dark ca[vern whe]re a gigantic fiery creature wrapped in shadow stood in front of a narrow bridge and you were in front of it. From what I can see, the creatur[e -- beli]eve me Gandalf, it was absolutely terrifying --had [...]*!" Gandalf said nothing...
Bilbo went on, "People keep tel[ling m]e I'm well-preserved -- well-preserved indeed!" Bilbo snorted...
on[e of his h]ands in his p[oc]ke[t, fi]ngerin[g som]ething. "I feel stretched, like butter scraped over much bread"...

* The word here is very smudged. While the first letter was interpreted as a "w," it could be that the letter stroke of the "w" is misinterpreted and could easily be another letter; indeed some have suggested that this was another word that was a trait specific to the creature (in context, the creature seems to be a Balrog)

FRAGMENT 2 (Verso)

..."How long have you been eavesdropping?" Gandalf said to Samwise Gamgee the Gardiner. "I don't follow you, Mr. Gandalf, sir. No, I have been dropping no eaves, honestly -- well, except that o[ne time I] accidentally knocked over one in the Tookborough -- but still sir, Bag En[d's got no ea]ves, and that's a fact, so how could I drop on one?" Even Gandalf was terribly confused on Samwise's longwinded excuse. Yet he still quest[ioned]...knocking him up...sack...
beating over and over again...
..."Me, go see the Elves and all! Hooray!" and burst into tears. Frodo had to shake his head and question himself whether Sam is still sane.
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Postby pat457 » Thu Dec 18, 2008 4:09 am

We now move on.

FOLIO 57 (RECTO)

...Aragorn hit...on the head and pulled his hair...while Merry took a dagger and pierced..."No, Gandalf!" cried Frodo, who strangled...
"I shall not cease to [...]," he said...fell and remembered anything and no longer.

...'Ring of Power...grasp,' said the old man wearing the blue colored...
"He shall enter the domains of the Dark lord, and...
"My name is All...Wizards, as we are known to you." The company stood in silence. Frodo stood up uneasily and said, "I thought...East!" said...and drew a whip made of...spikes pierced his arms...
Alla...also...granted...Glorfindel arrived. "You!" he said, surprised...
...llando!" that his blue cloak was stained with...sword to his hilt. Aragorn took a stone and threw it on... Around his body...like a mist...into the West...harm them.
"East...go not,"...West...flying...North for the...'Goodness, I could not...next we would encounter talking trees, I suppose!" said Pippin, exasperated.

..."I do not!" cried Aragorn, who drew Anduril from his sheath, yet found that instead of a sword, he held a bough of twigs and cranberries in his hand. Radagast laughed at this sight. "Do not fear, I am on your side," he said...laughs not, you know."...
Tom Bombadil...went and took a bottle of...
...feel my sword!" said...
"His bright blue jacket and yellow boots..."I guess we'll have to stay up late, Mr. Frodo," said Sam. Frodo nodded in agreement. "Yes, I'm afraid [...]"...
"I fear that neither Tom nor Goldberry is here anymore," said the strange creature...Riders...No! No!!...

Pasadulmen etrecolimaroien,
maruvenori estellacordial emerien.


...Which in the Common Speech..."smelt of elderberries!" Boromir smirked at the badly-executed figure of speech. He then cried out from atop the tree..."A blessing from the Valar!" shouted the men..."Have a care then! I can't believe w[e'll just st]ay here ere night breaks," said Boromir. L[egolas] seemed rath[er w]ary of the place; it was too silent. He kept lo[oking around for] any sign of Orcs on their trail. He found none, [but the uneasi]ness was still there.

Yet suddenly Tom...a man appeared...sung the following, with a sneer:

'Old Tom Bombadil is a scary fellow,
He'll come at night and steal marshmallows
,

Thus the suspicious-looking man sung. His voice, which was melodious...Gimli felt his arms weakening, and his mind becoming more and more dull...
"[...] believe Tom!"...Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli...just before they...thankfully Gandalf returned and hit them all on the head with his staff because they did something very foolish. Not that they could help it; they had been under a malicious spell.
Last edited by pat457 on Sat Jan 17, 2009 5:55 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby pat457 » Fri Jan 16, 2009 6:56 pm

FOLIO 57 (VERSO)

'Now that you mention it, Gandalf,' said Frodo, 'I wonder if the Eagles would help us[...]'
...'Eagles? To Mordor?' said Gandalf. 'Good idea! I shall call Gwaihir and ask him if he and the others are willing to [...]'
...Gandalf told him...Gwaihir protested. 'No, it clearly stipulates on our contract that[...]'
Frodo scowled when he heard this. It never dawned on his mind that the journey would be this difficult.
He suddenly had an impulse to go back to the Shire, live in peace for the rest of his days, and finger the Ring...
...but he remembered. Even if he did go back, the Enemy will still...
...Gandalf was also visibly annoyed...Gwaihir finally flew away...'Delivery services [...] no longer free!'
'Remember to call if you have any urgent delieveries'...Landroval. Aragorn then went to Gandalf and said, 'What now are we to do?'
'We have no other choice but [...] hope that Caradhras [...],' said Gandalf. The company then grabbed their bags and...

(the middle of the page is badly smudged by an ink blot, rendering only a few legible words)

Carad...Gimli,
'N[o]...[h]elm?'
...
...
...
Snow...terrible.
'It is the wra[th]'...Legolas stood up.
...Yes!' they shouted.
...
...defeated them.
...
...
Finally...went to...

...They are wrought of ithildin that mirrors only starlight and moonlight,' said Gandalf. They intently waited until the moon and stars came out of hiding and shone on the gate...

...'There are the emblems of Durin!' cried Gimli.
'And there is [...] of the [Hi]gh Elves!' said Legolas.
...
...
...They say only: The doors of Durin, lord of Moria. Speak, friend, and enter."' '[i]What does it mean by speak, friend, and enter?' asked Merry.
'If you are a friend, speak the password and the doors [...] open,' said Gimli.
'And Moria? Why would anybody dare name it 'Moria'?' Pippin asked, who just wanted to ask that sort of question to make him sound more knowledgeable: he did not of course actually understand what Moria meant, these things not being taught among Hobbits.
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Postby pat457 » Sat Jan 17, 2009 6:31 am

FOLIO 58 (RECTO)

'Because the Elves who made this door long ago had a wicked sense of humour and deceived Dwarves in making this door,' Gimli replied, 'for the word 'Moria', while meaning 'The Black Pit' in the Elvish tongue, also means 'A Shiny and Glittery Happy Place' in an archaic dialect of our tongue -- which had become extinct long ago due to the dwindling of Dwarves who dared use it.' Legolas snickered and added, 'The Dwarves thought they were getting a good present from the Elves, but in reality [...] A bit sad reall[y, t]o see Dwarves fall for this sort of prank.'
'Feeling all high and mighty, eh, elf?' said Gimli, whose anger is slowly arising...
...re...Lego...
start of a feud...Gimli took his axe while Legolas prepared his bow and arrow. The Hobbits meanwhile we[re too bu]sy sipping some mushroom soup -- wrought from very valuable and rare types of edible mushroom stolen by the sackfuls from the kitch[ens of Riv]endell, four of which are known in the High Elvish as shí-tacë, enocí-tacë, trúffelë, and the rarest of all such fungi found in this corner of Middle-earth, pórtsínë -- to take any notice. Ev[en F]rodo was lightly distracted; yet he w[as not to bl]ame, for mushrooms of such [quali]ty and taste was hard to come by, eve[n in t]he Shire. And preciously valuable things that are hard to come by in the Shire were very pr[ized by Hob]bits indeed that they would instantly drop whatever they are doing just to get a glimpse (or taste) or it.

Aragorn and Gandalf finally stood up to stop the two from further attacking each other. 'Now, could we at least put this ancient feud to rest, even if for a little while? We still have no idea on how to open the door!'

'What did I sa[y, Legolas m]y friend? Forgive me, for I miss[poke in an]ger!' said Gimli.
...Gand...annoyed, said to him, 'Knock on the doors with y[our he]ad, Pe[regrin] Took [...]'
...
...
...
...Surely you do know the password, Gimli, being a Dwarf and all?'
Gimli answered hesitatingly, 'No.'...Gandalf's eyes gleamed as he had a plan. He gathered everyone, save for Gimli, and grabbed a sack from his luggage...and they tied...clubs and sticks until...unconscious. Then they took the sack, and they put [...] within it. Aragorn and Boromir each took a club, and beat...sack...very painful...he felt that his bones broke at the...
...password!!!' shouted Gandalf at him. Gimli...groggily...'I think...'
...Gimli was inside...'body is bruised and broken,' said he. They took their clubs and beat...some more...the Watcher in the Water...
...'Just remember!' said Frodo. 'Do you...'
'Mellon!' said Gandalf, just as Gimli was regaining...but the doors did not open yet. Gandalf repeated in a loud voice, "Mellon! Mellon! Mellon darnit!'
'Wait,' Frodo said, scooping out the dust and uncovering the bottom of the doors. 'I think there's something else written at the bottom of this door. Can you make them out, Gandalf?'

Image

Gandalf had finally solved the riddle. 'Ah! I need to pronounce the word with proper inflection!'
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Postby pat457 » Sat Jan 17, 2009 6:52 pm

Image
The Upper Half of Folio 57 (Recto)


FOLIO 58 (VERSO)

Pick[ing up h]is staff Gandalf stood before the rock, knocked on it hardly and said in a clear and dramatic voice, as if chan[ting:] 'Mé-Me-Ёh-Lí-Lü-Ló-Nń!!'
The s[tar s]hone out briefly and faded again, yet the door did not budge. Gandalf, now once again visibly annoyed, continued to knock on the door...gathering his strength, he hit it very roughly...crack[ed in the midd]le and swung until...wall.

'I was wrong after all,' said Gandalf. 'The opening wo[rds and the proper instructio]ns...in[scribed on the d]oors all the[ time! I ha]d only to speak the Elvish wor[d for friend] syllabica[lly in various in]flections and the doo[rs ope]ned.' Everyone...and said words such as 'yeah right' under their breath...a qu[ick venom]ous look from Gan[dalf silen]ced...

(Faded ink)

Out of the water...
...
...
...Gateway! Up the stairs [...]'
...
...
...mushrooms which had a...quality...Sa[mwise]...
...Gandalf...Frodo...Be quiet!'...romir laughed at the sug[gestion]...'I don't care!' shouted Pippin...old man, and drew his sword. Pippin suddenly froze in horror as he recounted...Gandalf...buttons...They looked on. The walls of Moria seem to be stained...'[...] red paint ... Doubtless these were of the orcs' making [...] prone to such deeds [...] this.' Gimli was silent. 'Are you sure that this is not...lood?' said Boromir, cringing. 'Nay [...]'

'Does anyone have some rope? We'll, erm, fashion a noo..no, a bridge for yo[u to cro]ss.' 'Rope!' Sam muttered. 'I knew I’d want it, [...]'...Golden halls, yet where the gold is, I do not know.' Gimli suddenly...'I noticed that you have a lot of spending-money after that event.'...odo...Gollum? Must be [...]'...am. 'Tricksy! False!' spat Frodo. Sam merely...to his senses. 'I'm sorry, Sam. I don't know what came over me. It is the Ring' [...] 'It must not be the Ring...something else?'
...
...
...because of the width of the hall...
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Postby pat457 » Sat Jan 17, 2009 9:30 pm

FOLIO 58 (RECTO)

Balin, son of Fundin, Lord of Moria.' 'He is dead then,' said Frodo. The company stood silent beside the tomb. Suddenly there c[ame a]n echoin[g blast: a great] horn was blown, and horns answered it. Then ther[e foll]owed the sound of many feet. 'They are coming!' cried Legolas.
...
...
'The Shire!' [Frod]o cried, and stooped and stabbed with his blade the hideous foot...
...Good blade!' cried Aragorn.
Doom, doom went the drums in the deep.
...
Boromir and Aragorn slew many. Yet orcs lunged at Gandalf...Peregrin...pans by Samwise...suddenly, his hair turned yellow, and a fiery light seemed to have surrounded his person...and he joined together his hands, crying out a word of command in the High-Elvish speech, 'Cáméhamëhá!' Then, from his hands shot forth a huge ball of either fire or lightning, bluish in colour, that struck dead a number of their orcish pursuers. 'Go on! Now!' shouted Gandalf to Aragorn, who led the others.
...the chasm...too deep...
...Legolas...arrow...
...ranks of the orcs had opened, and they crowded away, as if they themselves were afraid...came a smoke; and it swirled in the air. Its streaming mane (looking like that of a lion's) kindled, and blazed behind it. In its right hand was a blade like a stabbing tongue of fire; in its left it held a whip of many thongs. On its feet were something like slippers or boots wrought of black wool, smoldering. 'Ai! Ai! a Balrog! A Balrog is come!' wailed Legolas. 'A Balrog, now I understand. What an evil fortune!' said Gand[alf, be]coming...

Image

...The enemy [advanced aga]in. 'Over the bridge!' cried Gandalf, recalling his strength after seeing the hideousness (or rather, the lameness) of the Balrog's appearance. 'Fly! This is a foe beyond any of you. I must hold the narrow way. Fly!' The others halted just within the doorway at the hall's end, unable to leave their leader to face the e[nemy alone. Meanwhile, Pippin was still wondering in his heart what Gandalf meant by 'fly', as he nor anyone else around clearly possessed wings.

[Gand]alf then stood in the middle of the span. The Ba[lr]og h[alted again,] facing h[im, and the s]hadow about it reached out like two vast wings, wings which were [...] yet truly was not [...]*. Gandalf stood firm and attempted to block the Balrog with words. The Balrog spoke not, yet thrust its fiery sword...clanged...

*Wings: Following Professor Tolkien's lead, the Westron word hekôrgu, of uncertain meaning, has been rendered as 'wings' (though a minority have started to challenge this traditional translation).

How to amend this text is still a matter of debate, even amongst scholars: some who favor the 'Winged Balrog' hypothesis amend the text to 'wings which were huge (kûktahi) yet could not be truly used (brënal higikôr)' while others amend it to 'wings which were as smoke (kû kabthi) yet were not truly wings (brënali hakôrgu)'.


...Roast...Braised, broiled or boiled...good, eh?' The Balrog lashed at him with its whip and carried him by the leg; yet Gandalf said, 'Fry*, you fool!' after that, he fell and was gone into the abyss. The Fellowship ran...wept. 'Gandalf!' they all shouted. Their grief...heavens...the drum-beats faded.

They all remem[bered his la]st words. Aragorn finally spoke.'Alas! We cannot stay here [...]'... for the danger was still great. They ran into the fabled forest of Lorien, where it is said that...

(The story ends here abruptly. The book contains a dozen more blank ruled folios, suggesting that the scribe never finished it. Almost illegible scribbles at the last page, written by later hands and rendered obscure by water damage, reads: "knavis scriv, go not inventing storiys of hi-folly" and "(illegible)...has been deemed to be inauthentic and false.")

*Fry: Some who look into these texts to ascertain as to whether or not Balrogs do have wings point to the similarity of Westron words for 'fly' and 'fry': 'balsi' and 'bahksi', respectively, saying that Gandalf was commanding the Balrog to fly (especially as this declaration was in the singular). Yet they fail to take into account the four rather obscure words before this declaration (yatnangi [some words faded] yakasin a' yakenesi a' yaknapsi, literally "roast...cook-wet-sear or cook-grill or cook-boil"; rendered here as "roast...braised, broiled or boiled"), which would have prompted the remark in this version of the events. Also, Codex Findegilis (Prof. Tolkien's source text) understands balsi as referring to the Company instead of the Balrog: they should fly, i.e. flee from their enemies.

Also, in recent years other MSS have been uncovered which either contain both statements ("Fly you fools" and "Fry you fool") or have "Fry you fool" before Gandalf fell; the present major scholarly consensus is that these were two separate utterances by Gandalf that happened to have almost the same choice of words.
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Postby pat457 » Sat Jan 31, 2009 10:03 pm

TEXT 2.) THE BERGILION FRAGMENTS (MnTr Fr156)

The Bergilion Fragments refer to to a group of fragments of a codex, originally found in the ruins of the city of Dol Amroth (near present-day Edelond, the Edhellond of old) among with many other codexes and fragments. The fragments passed through many private hands, until being finally acquired by the Minas Tirith Library. The text bears a great affinity to the one in the Caucalindale Codex, albeit in a greatly summarized and variant form. Comparing this to the Caucalindalensis it would seem that the text departs more from the Codex Findegilis Rubeus.

Fragment 1 Verso

"...And your father smelt of elderberries!" Boromir smirked at the badly-executed figure of speech. He then cried out from atop the tree and was heard by the Company. The Easterlings then fled [...] said, "Have a care then! I can't believe we'll just stay here ere night breaks. It is not like we had any choice on the matter." Even so, Legolas seemed rather wary of the place; it was too silent for his liking. "I fear that there may be Orcs on our trail," he said to Gandalf.

Suddenly Tom Bombadil came up to them from behind the bushes, wielding a club. They were very bemused. "I thought that you could not leave [...]"

Fragment 1 Recto

...and, along with Gandalf, went away. Boromir laughed at the suggestion and took out branches. But out of the [...] voice, singing:

"Old Tom Bombadil is a wily fellow,
He'll come at night and steal your pillows,
Gandalf Greybeard is a deceitful trickster,
His words are poison, and his ways lead to danger.
"

Suddenly within their hearts everyone started to think that Gandalf and Tom had deceived them and felt a desire to make their pay for their trickery. The voice continued to egg them on, saying [...]
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