The Hobbit, The Lord of the Rings, and Tolkien - The One Ring

by **lark** » Wed Mar 17, 2004 10:09 pm

**Lark reaches the opposite shore, with some difficulty because of her wounded leg, and turns to see J_F and Riot following.** Where did all the other orcs go? Did they run off? **She is almost to the top of the bank, when..."Slash!" She barely manages to duck the sword stroke aimed at her head. The remaining orcs have regrouped on the other side of the river. Quickly rolling to one side and jumping to her feet, she plunges the dagger that WW gave her into the face of the nearest one and starts slashing away wildly with her sword, but there are far to many for her to fight off in her wounded condition.** Will J_F and Riot get to her in time? Will anyone else on this stupid thread ever dicide to join the battle? Stay tuned to find out!

by **Johnny_Flett** » Thu Mar 18, 2004 11:26 pm

Good Question. You were there, when the courage of the Dwarves and Elves failed... ***up the bank, sneak up behind first goblin, two-handed swing at missing neck: 1 down. Immediately upon second goblin, grab by neck, quickly deposit and withdraw sword through helmet visor: he's toast, two down. The third is shielded, and must be tripped to deal with fourth and fifth who have closed. The fourth was a much better adversary : a lucky deflection took most of his sword hand and he withdrew. The fifth fell to a simple feint and thrust to the stomach (after a successful abdomen strike, slightly turn the blade towards the spinal column and push down). The third was back and the wiliest yet: several seconds elapsed before he left his mottled mug hanging for a split second, and received a broken jaw from a left cross. The lack of calcium in their diet makes their crooked bones very brittle. My blade relieved him of the top of his skull; he was stone dead by the time he hit the ground. For some reason the cadaver emitted a tremendous fart after falling: that was a new one. I now came to Lark: several orcs lay dead and dying around her- one was trying to drag itself away with one arm while holding in his guts with the other. Her sword was notched: her shield bore three black arrows. The moonlight revealed a horrible gash in her longcoat, which was rent to the waist. A slight discoloration of the skin on her thigh suggested a possible fracture: it was at this point that I began to get angry. What of Riot? The last I had seen she had not yet the river crossed, firing at the goblins that pursued our strategic relocation...

by **Riot** » Fri Mar 19, 2004 6:21 pm

I was trying to give others a chance to post. *crickets chirp* Well then... *Due to the proximity of the orcs, archery has lost its efficacy. Riot unsheathes her sword, and parries, as she makes her way to the river. A few pricks from the business end of the dinky orcish weapons convince her that perhaps she should do a little more than parrying. Shifting to the offensive, Riot deals a dirty kick to the orcish privates, before remembering that they are supposedly genderless. Still, the smelly one goes down with an "Oomf" and Riot supposes the impact of the groin kick is not lost. Swinging her blade, she parts the face of an orc in a non-symmetrical cut, not improving its already painfully bad looks. It could be considered modern art... The crowd is thickening, and Riot decides it would be wise to make it to the river with a bit more haste, and then proceed to massacre her foes. Whirling her sword a bit carelessly, she makes her way through a spray of blood and gore, down the slippery banks, and through the clumpy reeds, to the polluted waters. A smaller goblin presumes to tackle Riot as she plods soggily through the pit of bloated floaters. With an aggravated snarl, she wrestles it under the water and benevolently teaches it to breathe...err...tries to teach it to breathe like a fish. Unfortunately, with another onslaught of fey freaks, she is forced to plunge a wrist dagger into her writhing pupil. And he was learning so well... Grinning at a pissy looking J_F, Riot wipes her brow with her sleeve and exhales. "If it weren't for the smell..." The hissing and shouting of orcs drowns out her sarcastic comment, and in response Riot proceeds to begin truly hacking and slashing at the orcs. "Everyone's a critic..." The first one to reach her midstream is disarmed, of whatever that pointy prober was, and promptly put onto the pike-ish protrusion. The second and third ones are beheaded after a few choice strokes to the more tender parts of the body. "Any preferences Lark? Shoulder, tongue, loin? I might suggest the rump..." J_F gets an almost thoughtful look on his face as he shoves a curved dagger into the throat of a howling orc. "That's not funny." Riot shrugs and continues to single out the ugliest orcs. How shallow. Seeing a particularly hideous creation, Riot gapes for a moment before nocking her bow. His face is utterly loathesome. Pockmarked, puke green, and tinged puce. Oily wisps of thinning hair cling to his leathery scalp. His eyes are beady and yellow, almost invisible beneath the rolls of grimy skin. His nose is bulbous, and with her weak human eyes, Riot must squint to confirm the presence of mucus drips. His lips are torn and gray, revealing a less than five pointy blackened teeth. He jiggles as he walks and his armor is made from the crudest of rotting beast-skin. And even from her position, Riot is certain that the putrid stench she commented on could come from no other. His name is Squibbermike the Repulsive, and he such an affront to decency... Riot debates the choicest manner of killing him. That one head to show to the boys back home. Gritting her teeth, and trying to hold her nose (it is terribly difficult while shooting), she lets the arrow fly. The missile strikes true and disappears beneath the layers of fat in his gut. He grunts loudly and looks over at the three defenders. J_F whistles softly. "That is one ugly son of a mûmakil..." Riot changes weapons again as the orcs crowd closer. Squibbermike slides down the bank, his bountiful blubber bouncing in the wind. Riot and J_F oggle the beast a bit more before returning to their slaying. "...Incredible..." Riot

by **Johnny_Flett** » Fri Mar 19, 2004 9:40 pm

**Riot stands upon the edge of a shelf of stone in the riverbed: just behind her it ends in a small waterfall which feeds a large basin of dark water. Her and the orc square off like two sumos: this is going to be good. There is a sudden loud WHOOSH and a momentary image of something red and black and slimy arcing out of the water: Angamander! Riot is able to turn just in time to see the beast's five foot wide mouth descend over her head, shoulders and arms, pinning her elbows to her waist. As it slides down the falls back into the pool, Riot's legs are seen moving rythmically back and forth, ere she is borne beneath the foam. The goblins are much dismayed and are scrambling back up the bank and into the brush. On our side they are withdrawing as well: my bow is expediting their retreat, scoring at least one direct sphincter hit. Their harsh screams and curses are receding into the waning darkness.*** "It is lucky for us that this was a mere hunting party. Had they been Raiders we should have been much harder pressed." ***Lark turns and gives J_F an incredulous look; her luminous eyes still wide with disbelief at what she has just seen*** "What did you expect? She ate mostly insects, worms and snails. Something like this was bound to happen." ***There is another disturbance in the pool. Two bulbous eyes the size of Shire pumpkins have crested the surface. The monster then rears back it's fell head and with an echoing wretch disgorges the ranger from it's gut. Sailing majestically 20 meters into the air, she reaches her apogee between the arms of the crescent moon and is heroically silhouetted there for a moment before plunging down, face first into the soft mud of the riverbank with a muffled "Oof."*** "We had better go help her. I have a cedar flett nearby. It has plenty of provisions and some Beorn-skin rugs. We can rest there before our return journey to the Mountain. I am sure we all have a few discourteous words for our erstwhile allies, if they are sober enough to hear them." ***J_F helps Lark to her feet and they head for the riverbank...***

by **Riot** » Sat Mar 20, 2004 6:27 pm

*picks self off bank* "Holy ****. Of all the things I did not expect today." *Riot gasps for breath as she sits up and spits out a mottled lump of gore.* "I believe I bit off its uvula..." *She spits several times before laying back. She holds up the bloody sac with cynical amusement before groaning.* "I hate Mirkwood." Riot

by **lark** » Sat Mar 20, 2004 9:20 pm

Our dear, brave, disgustingly filthy, Riot. You're such a good sport. You should be on Fear Factor for that one.<img src="http://www.tolkienonline.com/mb/i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif"border=0> If I can get to my pack, I think I have some anti-bacterial hand wipes we can use to clean you up some.<img src="http://www.tolkienonline.com/mb/i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif"border=0> I'm not sure I can make it to the flet with my leg like this. Be a dear, J_F and get me a couple of sticks to splint it with. I can't help but wonder what happened to our companions. Everyone seemed game for orc hunting when we talked about it in the comfortable halls of the Lonely Mountain, but now that the time has come to get our hands dirty...**Shakes head sadly** Where are they?

by **Johnny_Flett** » Sat Mar 20, 2004 9:48 pm

J_F: "I can only imagine..." ***cut to Lonely Mountain. The Great Hall is a shambles. Half-eaten sandwiches, spilled bowls of nachos and chicken bones litter the floor. Mugs of ale sit upon tables, only inches away from the coasters, leaving unsightly rings upon Thror's antique tables. WindWalker, Grandaughterof Galadriel, and Naryatheringoffire are sprawled out opon overstuffed and irreperably stained recliners and sofas, watching soaps on the Palantir. Narya: "I want to watch "As the Steward Turns..." GOG: "No way. General House of Healing is on. Lukathor is marrying Lauralin today. Where's the remote?" WindWalker makes an heroic attempt to reach the remote, which has inexplicably positioned itself out of arms reach, but his bloated stomach prevents him from approaching anything even close to resembling upright. Exhausted by the effort, he slumps back down into the cushions and emits a tremendous belch. And suddenly one, and then another began to burp, the deep-throated burping of the dwarves in the deep places of their ancient homes...***

by **Riot** » Sun Mar 21, 2004 7:19 pm

*lays on ground twitching* "A toothbrush! A toothbrush! Aragorn's kingdom for a toothbrush!" "You were there, when the courage of the Dwarves and Elves failed..." But what we weren't there for, was when the livers of the Dwarves and Elves failed... *Riot attempts sitting up. Covered in slime and digestive juices, she's still a bit woozy, a little dizzy, and quite nauseous. As J_F moves to help her, she commits reverse peristalsis all over his patent leather, brand name- LEG'o lass, boots. He lets out a prim elvish scream before smacking her over the head with his bow.* "Ohh...I can see last night's dinner...eww...it's still alive. Damnit J_F! You said they were dead. I really should just develop an eating disorder..." *Lark offers some consolation by limping over there and saying, "I'm not in the @#%$'in mood for this $%*@! Get up and get moving!" <img src="http://www.tolkienonline.com/mb/i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif"border=0> Riot

by **lark** » Sun Mar 21, 2004 10:40 pm

Oooooh! A prim elvish scream from J_F. Remindes me of our wedding night.<img src="http://www.tolkienonline.com/mb/i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif"border=0> **Riot, again 'summons the earl'** Sorry Riot. I thought you rangers liked filth. Anyway, we really need to pull ourselves together and head for the flet. I'm worried that the surviving orcs may regroup and return. Possibly in greater numbers, and we all know that no one else will help us. Do you think that's too subtle?<img src="http://www.tolkienonline.com/mb/i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif"border=0>

by **Riot** » Mon Mar 22, 2004 8:58 am

*sighs as she spits up newt guts* "Subtlety was always your strong point, shield maiden." *Riot picks herself up and staggers a upstream a little so she can wash up.* "I like my filth...but I don't necessarily like my filth. <img src="http://www.tolkienonline.com/mb/i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif"border=0> Riot

by **Slugwortz** » Mon Mar 22, 2004 4:10 pm

Hello scums. I am Slugwortz, son of Johnny Flett. I will posting on this thread from time to time. So tremble with fear!<img src="http://www.tolkienonline.com/mb/i/expressions/face-icon-small-mad.gif"border=0> <img src="http://www.tolkienonline.com/mb/i/expressions/face-icon-small-mad.gif"border=0> <img src="http://www.tolkienonline.com/mb/i/expressions/face-icon-small-mad.gif"border=0> <img src="http://www.tolkienonline.com/mb/i/expressions/face-icon-small-mad.gif"border=0> <img src="http://www.tolkienonline.com/mb/i/expressions/face-icon-small-mad.gif"border=0> <img src="http://www.tolkienonline.com/mb/i/expressions/face-icon-small-mad.gif"border=0> <img src="http://www.tolkienonline.com/mb/i/expressions/face-icon-small-mad.gif"border=0> <img src="http://www.tolkienonline.com/mb/i/expressions/face-icon-small-mad.gif"border=0> <img src="http://www.tolkienonline.com/mb/i/expressions/face-icon-small-mad.gif"border=0> <img src="http://www.tolkienonline.com/mb/i/expressions/face-icon-small-mad.gif"border=0>

by **wind_walker** » Mon Mar 22, 2004 8:32 pm

*The dwarf lays back and relaxes, pats his stomach* "Thats what Spring Break and a broken pc will do to ya..." *glances around for Riot, "Riot, where are ya, could you hand me the remote, dear?" "Slugwortz," slides a strong beer to the boy. "settle in!" -WW

by **Johnny_Flett** » Mon Mar 22, 2004 9:11 pm

***sigh*** I was afraid of this...Flett's bane has returned. I recall the last conversation we had: SlugW: "Dad, you just don't understand me!" J_F: "Shut up." SlugW: "I hate you!" J_F: "Shut up or I'm sending you to the Mount Gundabad Military School for Twisted Elves!" SlugW: "I wanna go! I wanna go!" The day was spent recuperating at the flet: Lark rested her wounded leg and alternately basked in the sunshine and nourished herself on wine and stuffed mushrooms. Around midday I returned to the site of the skirmish and was able to retrieve my lost sword and her lost dagger, as well as a dozen arrows. In the evening we slept under the Beornskins on the leeward side of the flet. Riot had to remain downwind, as the digestive enzymes of the Angamander left her smelling like Formaldehyde: in addition, they had bleached her epidermis a death-like chalky white, and dissolved every single bristly hair from her body. In the morning we set out for the mountain. Word has come of a hostile takeover of White Council,Ltd., which is now become a subsidiary of White Hand Inc. Lippscab, Klott and 10,000 Uruks are headed for the mountain to resolve outstanding litigation. I hope they are turning WindWalker to prevent bedsores...

by **Riot** » Tue Mar 23, 2004 6:48 am

Messing with the hair is not cool, J_F. ...Oh look, my little apprentice is back. Slugwortz, why are you wearing the banner of Minas Morgûl? *Riot finds a flowery little knapsack with various elvish beauty products. Along with some odor-neutralizing body wash (used to get the overpowering scent of Thranduil’s Essence of Daisies off), she finds a bottle of Elvish Rogaine (©); Legolas’s special formula. Looking closer, she finds J_F neatly embroidered on the side of the bag.* "…This explains much." *Riot goes on to clean up, and within a few hours, is as good as new.* Riot P.S. *throws remote at WW. It falls short somewhere in a spider's den.* New quest...? P.P.S. Chad says "hi." He won't stop reading over my shoulder. bundle.

by **wind_walker** » Tue Mar 23, 2004 7:53 am

The great lump on the couch begins stirring and wriggling. Shortly, a zipper undoes itself on the front and the great nass falls away leaving a well fit Wind Walker standing in its wake. "I SHALL HAVE MY REMOTE!" -WW ps. my head hurts, by hair is wet, every teacher wants something, i have an exam friday and now my remote is missing, what in heaven's name is going to happen next? <img src="http://www.tolkienonline.com/mb/i/expressions/face-icon-small-devil.gif"border=0> <img src="http://www.tolkienonline.com/mb/i/expressions/face-icon-small-rolleyes.gif"border=0>

by **Riot** » Tue Mar 23, 2004 3:16 pm

WW: You die? *Riot brushes her nice, shiny, black hair. The pallid tone of her skin is actually quite interesting in contrast to her usual tan. Riot finds she rather likes it. Not having to shave is also kind of nice. Unfortunately, she has no eyebrows and decides against using the silky hairgrowth formula on her face. Well, having no eyebrows seems to be the fashion right now. As for eyelashes...a tiny dab of that magical Rogaine might not hurt. After restoring herself to her normal self, sans eyebrows w/ trimmed eyelashes, Riot tosses J_F his makeup purse.* "Thanks J_F! Hey, Slugwortz, what kind of stuff did they teach you in that institution?" *Slugwortz nimbly leaps onto a rock near where Lark is sitting and opens his mouth.* "@#$%! *#$%! %$*@" And without further ado, he begins to sing. "One-hundred bottles of ale on the wall, one hundred bottles of ale! *hearty belch* Take one down, pass it around, ninety-nine bottles of ale on the wall... *longer hearty belch* Ninety-nine..." *Riot stares at Lark who is shaking her head and glaring at J_F.* Lark: "I told you it was a bad idea." Riot: "Hey, at least he can count. I mean it is a public facility..." "Ninety-eight bottles of ale on the wall..." *The sound of head bashing can be heard in Mirkwood.* Riot

by **Slugwortz** » Tue Mar 23, 2004 7:09 pm

why are you wearing the banner of Minas Morgûl? Because me and my fathar have our differences... Wait? he's my father noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!<img src="http://www.tolkienonline.com/mb/i/expressions/face-icon-small-shocked.gif"border=0><img src="http://www.tolkienonline.com/mb/i/expressions/face-icon-small-shocked.gif"border=0><img src="http://www.tolkienonline.com/mb/i/expressions/face-icon-small-shocked.gif"border=0><img src="http://www.tolkienonline.com/mb/i/expressions/face-icon-small-shocked.gif"border=0><img src="http://www.tolkienonline.com/mb/i/expressions/face-icon-small-shocked.gif"border=0><img src="http://www.tolkienonline.com/mb/i/expressions/face-icon-small-shocked.gif"border=0><img src="http://www.tolkienonline.com/mb/i/expressions/face-icon-small-shocked.gif"border=0><img src="http://www.tolkienonline.com/mb/i/expressions/face-icon-small-shocked.gif"border=0><img src="http://www.tolkienonline.com/mb/i/expressions/face-icon-small-shocked.gif"border=0><img src="http://www.tolkienonline.com/mb/i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif"border=0> P.S. You stink!<img src="http://www.tolkienonline.com/mb/i/expressions/face-icon-small-tongue.gif"border=0><img src="http://www.tolkienonline.com/mb/i/expressions/face-icon-small-tongue.gif"border=0><img src="http://www.tolkienonline.com/mb/i/expressions/face-icon-small-tongue.gif"border=0><img src="http://www.tolkienonline.com/mb/i/expressions/face-icon-small-tongue.gif"border=0><img src="http://www.tolkienonline.com/mb/i/expressions/face-icon-small-tongue.gif"border=0><img src="http://www.tolkienonline.com/mb/i/expressions/face-icon-small-tongue.gif"border=0>

by **Riot** » Tue Mar 23, 2004 7:32 pm

"He's such a polite little boy." *picks up Sluggy-baby and puts him over her knee* "I will not take that kind of lip from a half-grown half-elf. When you're older, bigger, and presumably (if possible) meaner, then I will deal with you accordingly." *gives Sluggy a wedgie called the "Dunédain Special." That'll teach him. Riot P.S. That's your father's bodywash. I borrowed it. Desperate times call for desperate measures.

by **lark** » Tue Mar 23, 2004 10:01 pm

**Sigh** *To J_F* I told you we should have home schooled him. <img src="http://www.tolkienonline.com/mb/i/expressions/face-icon-small-rolleyes.gif"border=0> Wind Walker, you're back! Now that all the fighting is over! I'm sorry. I can see you're not feeling very happy.<img src="http://www.tolkienonline.com/mb/i/expressions/face-icon-small-sad.gif"border=0> **Gives WW a hair dryer and an asprin** Would you like me to braid your beard for you? J_F has some great hair products in his bag. PS Riot, you do stink.<img src="http://www.tolkienonline.com/mb/i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif"border=0> I guess I shouldn't criticize. You're the only one who stuck with us. What now? Riot said something about spiders. **Cringes**

by **Johnny_Flett** » Tue Mar 23, 2004 10:18 pm

Ladies! Cease thy caterwauling...It is plain that you are merely upset that I have the largest chest measurements in our merry little band...

by **Riot** » Wed Mar 24, 2004 7:35 am

*sniffs self* That bodywash of J_F's is rather fruity. I think it stinks too, but it beats digestive juices. As for J_F. Yes, I agree. My bust size can't hold a candle to his man-boobs. Ewww... Riot

by **naryatheringoffire** » Wed Mar 24, 2004 2:16 pm

it seems that in my absence things have gotten out of hand i mean talking about bust sizes, we can do better than that

by **lark** » Wed Mar 24, 2004 5:44 pm

naryatheringoffire , we can do better than this? Where have you been? Have you read the last couple of pages? J_F, Riot and I have all been orc hunting, and facing terrible dangers. It's not our fault that no one came with us. Look at my wounded leg and Riots missing eyebrows for heavens sake. **Sigh** Please read about our misadventures, and the next time you suggest an outing, please join us.<img src="http://www.tolkienonline.com/mb/i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif"border=0> PS Riot. Man-boobs? Lol, that was a good one, but I'm still mad at you for calling me a pervy little demon at Tom's house.

by **wind_walker** » Wed Mar 24, 2004 6:03 pm

*Glances briefly at J_F, then lets his eyes linger on lark, then Riot, and catches narya's narrow glance* "What, I wanted to judge for myself." *whispers to Slug* "who do you think would hurt me less ehn i say the other is better, not counting J_F" *shudders* Also, who's up to find the remote? -WW

by **Slugwortz** » Wed Mar 24, 2004 6:55 pm

Slugworz fixes undeys then throws dirt clod at Riot: Riot leaps to the side and her cape lands in the fire and begins burning. As quick as she can she runs for the river, then Slugworz accidentally sticks his foot out and trips her. She slides face first down the muddy bank into the river. Ha! Ha! Ha! PUTZ!<img src="http://www.tolkienonline.com/mb/i/expressions/face-icon-small-tongue.gif"border=0><img src="http://www.tolkienonline.com/mb/i/expressions/face-icon-small-devil.gif"border=0><img src="http://www.tolkienonline.com/mb/i/expressions/face-icon-small-tongue.gif"border=0><img src="http://www.tolkienonline.com/mb/i/expressions/face-icon-small-devil.gif"border=0><img src="http://www.tolkienonline.com/mb/i/expressions/face-icon-small-tongue.gif"border=0><img src="http://www.tolkienonline.com/mb/i/expressions/face-icon-small-devil.gif"border=0><img src="http://www.tolkienonline.com/mb/i/expressions/face-icon-small-tongue.gif"border=0><img src="http://www.tolkienonline.com/mb/i/expressions/face-icon-small-devil.gif"border=0>

by **lark** » Wed Mar 24, 2004 10:13 pm

Slugwortz, behave yourself! Here is the remote WW. Remember, I'm a wife. I can find anything. I must ask you, WW, why you never respond when I offer to do something nice for you. (Let you ride with me, braid your beard...) Do you not like me, or are you just afraid of J_F?

by **wind_walker** » Wed Mar 24, 2004 10:29 pm

thank you, lark. i mean no rudness, just very distracted. i don't get nearly as many responses to threads as i'd like. i'm a ful time college student with 2 majors and a part time job. it gets rough on a regular basis. *sigh* like this huge program i have to write by friday... evermind, please don't take it personal. this place has evelved more than i could have thought into sometihng that i never expected anyway. i honestly wasn't expecting it to carry this well. its the second time i've tried to revive this guild. promise, besides, a braided beard? *raises eyebrow* i suppose the great gimli had a few braids... think you can make it look as good as his? speaking of which...i am to be Orion's best man at his an Elena's <a href='http://www.tolkienonline.com/thewhitecouncil/messageview.cfm?catid=25&threadid=78891' target=_blank>wedding</a>. maybe you could help me get all fancied up for that? -WW

by **lark** » Thu Mar 25, 2004 8:34 am

Awwww, poor Wind Walker. **Hugs WW** I feel bad for asking now. I had questions ignored on three treads yesterday, and was gettin a little testy. What are your majors? I would love to help you get all gussied up for the wedding. We can braid your hair and beard, or at least get the crumbs out of it. I'll even make you a new cloak with lovely little gold dragons embroidered around the collar. What color would you like?

by **wind_walker** » Thu Mar 25, 2004 9:10 am

Don't feel bad, but as har as the wedding goes, Orion's picked out the outfits for the groomsmen (a kilt...i'm a dwarf for goodness sake!) anyway, perhaps you would help me talor it so it actually fits? as for majors, i'm doing computer science (programming) and computer engineering (work with hardware and software). they sound like they should go together, and a little,they do. but not as much as most people expect, there are as amny seperations in the classes as there are if i had majors that weren't related at all. and my computer is breaking down on me again <img src="http://www.tolkienonline.com/mb/i/expressions/face-icon-small-sad.gif"border=0> on a college budget, that can be devistating. -WW

by **Riot** » Thu Mar 25, 2004 4:29 pm

WW: A kilt? On a dwarf? Is that a rug on your calves? ...Elf, yes, Slugwortz, I am addressing you. If you continue with this behavior, I will be forced to put you in a dress (all pink and sparkly), add your dad's princess perfume, and throw in Diana's company somewhere in the mix. I have that power. Yes, I will lock you in a closet with Diana. D-I-A-N-A. Putz? That's your father's word. A chip off the old block, eh? *dusts self off before tossing Sluggy into the creek* I suppose I should thank him for restoring my natural light armor. *thinks about it* "Thanks Sluggy..." *blows kisses* Riot

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