The Dwarves Guild

The varied peoples of Middle-earth at times found unity in their pursuits, and all too often experienced deep rifts. Engage in lively conversations as we banter about the differences between the Alliances, and recruit for our People as well. Remember, keep it friendly.

Postby Johnny_Flett » Wed Aug 29, 2007 7:55 pm

Alpha Geek wrote:monday I turn it in to the IT people


You can kiss THAT laptop g'bye! The IT people suffer from acute inertia; you will be buffeted by a lifetime of excuses why your computer is not ready yet. They will drag it out for two or three weeks longer than you could possibly imagine, and you will end up having to kick them square in the butt to get it back. Of course, you will show up Monday to drop it off, only to find the office closed for Labor Day; a classic IT stalling technique.

Mara: :angry: IT people: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

~EDICT~
FORTHWITH, ALL REFERENCES TO INFORMATION TECHNOLOGY AND WALT DISNEY ARE STRICTLY VERBOTEN. ANYONE FOUND TO BE IN VIOLATION OF THE KING'S PECULIAR BRAND OF HARDCORE TOLKIEN ESCAPISM SHALL BE SMASHED TO ATOM'S BY THE KING'S OWN WAR SLEDGE, AND/OR BANISHED TO HANG WITH THE GOOFBALLS AT THE BIRD AND THE BABY.

SAME TO YOU

~the KING
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Postby Maranwe-Ar-Feiniel » Mon Sep 03, 2007 6:04 pm

But if I was alpha geek, would I need to give it to those mordorians spawn?

Ok, juist had to say that...So. Now what?

A quest?
Ravaging teh surrounding lands?
Getting drunk on native concotions in exotic far flung islands?
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Postby Johnny_Flett » Mon Sep 03, 2007 8:44 pm

Maranwe-Ar-Freshmaniel wrote:Getting drunk on native concotions in exotic far flung islands?


That has been taken care of on Hot Elves.

We could use one of your trademark posts about eating delicious foods, drinking perfumed wines, dressing in costly garments, bejewelled, beribboned, and lounging about on silken beds heaped high with pillows.
:wink:

Or was that Kethasbro?
:?
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Postby Johnny_Flett » Mon Sep 03, 2007 8:47 pm

BTW:

Give Johnny_Flett a Premier Membership!
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Postby Maranwe-Ar-Feiniel » Tue Sep 04, 2007 7:50 am

Give Johnny_Flett a Premier Membership!



Wow. That was subtle. :P

And yes, that woud be me. Keth's tend more towards the absurd.

Actually, ravaging sounds pretty good right now...


SOMEONE POST SOME STORY IDEAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Postby lark » Wed Sep 05, 2007 7:26 pm

Sir Inconspicuous wrote: Give Johnny_Flett a Premier Membership!


Okay. :)

*bling!*

Miss Bossy wrote:SOMEONE POST SOME STORY IDEAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Okay. :)

It was a lonely kind of day on the Lonely Mountain, and Queen Lark sat quietly in her room…alone. Ten minutes previously she had given the young prince instructions to take a plastic bag out to the foothills and clean up the nanny berries left there by the royal herd. She was now trying to resist the urge to check on his progress, afraid of what she might see. Eventually her curiosity got the better of her and, against her better judgment, she glanced out the window. She regretted it almost immediately.

Sluggy was making his way across one of the larger hills positioned far below her widow with the plastic bag she had given him covering one hand. He was using that hand to pick up the excrement and place it in his bare hand. It was nearly full. Smacking herself on the forehead, she yelled out the window to him, “No Sluggy! Put the poop IN the bag!!”

Sluggy looked up. :? A confused expression on his face told her he couldn’t hear her well enough to understand. She tired again. “THE BAG!! PUT THE POOP IN THE BAG!!”

He stared at her blankly for a moment, then brightened and nodded as if he understood. Bending down he scooped up a particularly large handful and flung it at Riot’s window. He then gave his mother an enthusiastic thumbs-up. :thumbsup: Lark heaved a sigh. :roll:

It was then that the sky suddenly darkened as if a storm were moving in. Lark looked up and caught her breath. A huge dark dragon circled ominously overhead. There had not been a dragon at Erebor since Smaug was destroyed, but this was none other then the son of Smaug, Flatch, who had come to avenge his father and take over his hoard and leave his large, smelly carbon footprint on the face of Middle Earth! :shock: :shock: :shock:

Cupping his filthy hand to his mouth, Sluggy yelled up to Lark, “I’m not picking up after that thing!!”
8)
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Postby Kethasbro » Sun Sep 16, 2007 1:40 pm

Brego came running up to lark (quite excitedly) yelling about a dragon. with what appeared to be blood on his face and hands.

"Lark theres a dragon outside!" :clap: :yippie:

" :shock: :x :angry: BREGO WHY IS THERE BLOOD ALL OVER YOU.......WHO DID YOU KILL THIS TIME EH?!" :x :angry:

:? :( :cry2: "I didn't kill anybody its just velvet cake batter."
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Postby Maranwe-Ar-Feiniel » Thu Sep 20, 2007 12:02 am

Maranwe turned away from the window where she and Lark were watching the destruction of the surrounding country side.
"Brego, go help Sluggy pick up after that thing....it's leaving piles of ash and rubble everywhere."

"Why do I have to do it?"

"Because your an annoying pest and I want to get rid of you. And you have skills in cleaning up messes like that...it looks like you room after you play with those metal balls you found in Isengard....."

The annoyance trotted over to the window and peeped over the parapet.

"Oh... :shock: ...........actually, thats not quite as bad as my room..."

:bang:

"What ever...Just take care of the mess...and get rid of that dragon."


"Can Sluggy and I keep it for a pet?"

Lark called distractedy over her shoulder, "Yeah, sure, whatever....just clean up after it."

"..... :shock: ..... :? =:) ....... :happydance: ......"



:shock: "Lark, do you know what you told them...?"
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Postby Johnny_Flett » Fri Sep 21, 2007 7:32 pm

Enter Johnny_Flett, the Supreme Dairy Goat Potentate, stage left, accompanied by two pleasingly goat -shaped diary goats.
They are Desert Moon, the Aged, and Cassamagoat, the Wise; the matriarchs of the Erebor Fog herd. The king has apparently been drinking.

CasSY: "Meh! Meh-heh-heh-heh!"

J_F: "What is it girl? Spit it out, you old goat!"

Des: "Mah! Mahroomeh-heh!"

J_F: "Show me!"

The goats amble over to the window, where the others have gathered and proceed to nibble their clothes, step on their feet, and lean their goat bodies against them until their is room for the king. He approaches the window, showering his friends with platitudes.

"Hello mountain-friends! Mara! Howarya? Brego! Your tooth is looking exceptionally well! Slugs! You growing your horns out again? Ah! My Queen!", he exclaimed, bowing before her with a flourish. "The Royal Brooders are all set up! And I'm expecting the boatmen to deliver the first load of swine within the hour! Soon all of Middle Earth will be sizzling in our skillet along side our cholesterol-choked eggs, mysteriously plump sausage links and gristly sausage patties! And when their puny, weakling arteries are clogged to bursting..."

He was cut short by a tremendous rush of air from the window; Flatch the Pungentemose flew past the window, belching fire from several orifi.

"Waaaah! My alfalfa! We'll never get a third cut now! Battle stations! Battle stations! Slug! Deploy the shock troops! Mara! Fetch me my horrible and fearsome war-mask! Lark! My axe and war hammer! To the gate! THE GATE!"

Des: "Meh!"

Fade to black...

Fade in at the gate...a couple of dozen dwarves have driven cleats into one of the gate-stones (laid dry, but thick), have attached ropes and are pulling for all they are worth.

J_F: (masked) "Pull! Pull! By the name of Aule, and for all that you hold dear on this goaty earth, pull! Pull! We must issue forth and meet the enemy! Pull! Pull! Puullllll!"

The stone slowly, but surely, is inched from the wall. The opening is filled with a very large and very yellow eye; the pupil contracts, and a muffled snort is heard.

"All right boys, ease her back into place! C'mon. Put yer back agin' er! Push!"

Thus began the seige of Erebor; trapped like naked mole rats with the fearsome worm on their doorstep, a madness fell upon them like a soggy loaf of Roman Meal bread.

Slugs: "I know! When the eggs hatch, we'll tie a note to the legs of one of the chicks and send it to Laketown for help! I think Riot's there. She was dating that guy, what was his name? Blard the barrel-sitter, or something."

J_F: "Brilliant!" :)
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Postby wind_walker » Mon Sep 24, 2007 7:56 pm

"YEEEEEEEE-HHAAAAWWW!"

The holler came from the beast's back. A tiny saddle was spotted by the King and Queen.

"What in the name of Jersey?!?" Flett hollered.

"If you plannin on fryin bacon, want some eggs?" the rider, most likely a dwarf, called. He threw a rope for one of the exposed bridges and caught it. Sliding down, he tied the rope fast and the beast was pinned. "She'll lay one heck of an omelet if you like! The bridge ought to hold..." he added as the stones groaned under the dragon's pull... Windy turned to the growing crowd and shrugged.

-WW
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Postby Kethasbro » Mon Oct 08, 2007 12:05 pm

Brego: " Hay look Sluggy Wind_walker already cought our new pet. :lol: :lol: :lol: Thank you miss Lark your highness"

Lark: "What who said you and Sluggy could have it?"

Brego: " You did your highness :lol: :lol:
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Postby Maranwe-Ar-Feiniel » Mon Oct 08, 2007 5:07 pm

Mara marched ove to the impish Brego and grabbed his ear
"Fool of a Took! It is obviously WW's, so you can not have it. Besides, do you really want to clean up after it all the timting ear.e?"

He twisted away from her and gingerly touched his smarting ear.
"Sure I do..."

A devious smile crept over Mara's face.
"Alright. Here," she shoved a large shovel into his hands, "start out there on the roof. The wind is shifting, and Lark doesn't want her chamber to smell like dragon stalls."

At that very moment, a scent of sulfurous kitty litter drifted past.

"Yeah, Brego, you might wanna hurry with that."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


How d'you like that, Keth? Even when away at college, I still make you do chores. :lol:
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Postby Johnny_Flett » Tue Oct 09, 2007 6:36 pm

"Well, well, well...well." Spaketh king. "It looks like the gangs all here. Except for our beloved buffoon."

"Here she comes!" exclaimed Prince Slugwortz. The company filed past the dragon to where Slugwortz was, looking down the valley from the Front Gate. Sure enough, there was Riot, and a rather polite looking young man, sitting atop a barrel that was approaching from Laketown. The young man was in front.

"How are they doing that?" asked Brego. "They're floating against the current."

"Mysterious are the ways of the rangers, and powerful are their fumes," frowned the king. "Speaking of gas bags, I'd like for you to get this scaly pile of guts off my doorstep WindWalker. And you owe me about a thousand bales of hay. Let's see, at, say, five coppers a bale, I figure 500 gold pieces ought to cover it. Okay, Windy old cheese? Windy?"

"Oh my goodness! Look!" screamed Mara. A tattered piece of chainmail hung from the dragon's mouth. One of Windwalkers gloves, torn and bloody, lay on the ground beneath it... :shock:
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Postby wind_walker » Sat Oct 13, 2007 7:35 pm

"Harr, Harr, Harr!" The dwarf laughed sneaking up behind the king and queen. What should have been slaps on the back turned into smacks on the rump. Both were gastly startled....

"But how...?" Mara seemed flabbergasted.

"Someone our dear King may see fit to go into business with," Windy explained. "The Illusive Skull, it is the best halloween shop around. Most realistic blood, body parts, and alien v predator models. They have an animated headless horseman scene for sixteen grand. If you aren't expecting, a horse with no skin rearing in front of you is intimidating."

"It has best be a darned nice scene," the king said... A prank for the ranger was already forming in his mind. "How fast can they deliver?"
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Postby Johnny_Flett » Sat Oct 20, 2007 8:00 pm

"Eagle Express can have it for you same day...but they'll want payment up front."

"But I want it NOW! No time! Dwarves! Fetch the Royal catapult! Brego! Slugs! What's brown and sounds like a bell?"

"Um...dunno.

"DUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNG! Follow me, boys!"

Within twenty minutes the King, Brego and Slugwurtz had collected a huge supply of the dragon's fecal matter, and had rolled it into a four foot diameter ball. This they loaded into the catapult, and carefully aimed at the barrel riders, who were just speeding their way into Dale. The King stopped one of his guards, reached into the guard's vest and pulled out a bottle. He emptied the contents onto the ball, then struck a spark. The ball burst into stinky flames.

"You've heard of the old Flaming Crap On the Doorstep? Well this is the old Flamimg Crap FROM the Doorstep! There's no way we can hit them, but with a little luck we ought to give them a good drench and scare the living bejabbers out of 'em! Fire on my signal!"

The king raised his hand, and they all waited breathlessly. It was a beautiful, October day. Unseasonably warm, the birds were singing, the church bells in Dale were ringing...

"FiRE! FiRE! FiRE!"

Launched from the mountain, the projectile reached an amazing height. They stared in awe as the fiery crap ball reached apogee, and began it's descent into Dale.

"...oh baby...looks like she's gonna be close...still looking good...c'mon...c'mon...c'mon...OH MAN!"

The barrel had disappeared in a gigantic plume of water. Wood and water, fire and crap were now raining down on the nearby citizens of Dale. About ten seconds later, the sound reached them, a delicious splashing and splintering sound, topped off with a couple shrieks of pure terror. Most of those present laughed until they wept, then lay on the ground gasping for breath, until paroxysms of laughter returned and squeezed the air from their lungs again.

"Whew...what a shot!" and they all burst into laughter again, snorting on the ground and bumping their heads together.

Later on, when the color had returned to their faces, they were surprised to see Maranwe come walking up to them. For one, with all the guffawing they hadn't noticed her missing; for two, it was Maranwe all right, but it wasn't. She wore a black dress and black sandals; her black hair was long and straight, and she wore a ton of black mascara. She had even painted black stars onto her black fingernails.

"Oh, hey Mara. Kinda new look for you. Somebody die?"

"Maranwe-Ar-Feiniel is not here..." she hissed. "I am Gothanwe-Ar-Seattle, Dark Queen of Middle Earth!"

It seems WW had left his laptop on WITHOUT the parental controls. Poor, innocent, impressionable Maranwe had been sucked in by his phantasmagoric link, and in a matter of moments had become twisted into her present form, Angsty Mara, Queen of the Goths.
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Postby Maranwe-Ar-Feiniel » Sun Oct 21, 2007 9:46 am

:rofl:

Ok, it'll take me a bit to respond to that...let me stop laughing.,....
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Postby Kethasbro » Sun Oct 21, 2007 3:45 pm

Mara has gone evil! Mara has gone evil! Mara has gone evil!

Hey dose this mean shes going dumped her boyfriend T.C.K (The Child Killer) (for more info about T.C.K ask Mara.)

of course having said that Maras going to become a Keth killer :cry2:

Maybe I can figure out how to respond to his goatnesses post it shall be very hard.
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Postby Slugwortz » Mon Oct 22, 2007 5:40 pm

It had been an hour or two since the complete demise of Riot and What’s-His-Face whom had met there fate at the hands…er…Smell :puke: of the Giant Crap ball. Just after the crap ball had made impact on the barrel the king and the royal crap flingers had assembled in the royal hall.
J_F “Are there… he, he, he! Are there any comments to what we just saw.”
S.W. “… sploosh .”
Just then the king and the crap flingers burst in to another frenzy of laughter, :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: but their fun was ruined by Mara and her new found party pooper powers. :lightening:
Mara “you guys are so in trouble when Lark hers about this.”
J_F “I guess your right. Kethasbro go search the crap splattered wreckage.”
Kethasbro “Why me?” :?
J_F “Cause you don’t wash your hands!” :twisted:
A sparkle appeared in Mara’s eye’s for a few seconds and she went from dull and boring :lightening: to just dull. :| However after a few seconds she went back to her party pooper :lightening: state. Kethasbro went hesitantly to go expect the crappy wreckage.
Kethasbro “Grumble grumble half to pick up crap and it isn’t even mine grumble.” :angry:
A few minutes after Kethasbro left Riot and MR. Mitts appeared.
Riot had one of his boots stuck to the side of her head and Mitts had a large piece of the barrel stuck over his mouth(so large that they needed to open both of the double doors :D ) which turned his voice in to a deep muffle.
Riot “WHO LAUNCHED THE &*S(!*%!!1%/<! CRAP BALL AT US!!!” >-O >-O
Mitts “Mmmm mm mm mmmm mmm.”
S.W. (mumbled in a low tone) “Up yours.”
Just then a Dwarf guard bust in to the room,
Dwarf guard “Sir the dragon is back.”
J_F “What!” :o
The Dwarf guard was sending him reports from another Dwarf yelling to him from the Crapapults
Dwarf guard “He blew up one of are crapapults!”
J_F “What!” :o
Dwarf guard “He blew up one of the crap silos!”
J_F “What!” :o
Dwarf guard “We’ve got assorted crap oozing down the side of the mountain
J_F “WHAT!” :o
Dwarf guard “The crap is bursting into the king’s room !”
J_F “That does it! Man the remaining crapapults- we’ll crap that crap-eating beast out of the sky!” :x
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Postby Johnny_Flett » Sun Nov 11, 2007 6:03 pm

Looks like Mara's brain has locked up again. That or she's still bed-ridden from the multiple facial/tongue piercings.

Got anything Windy?
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Postby Maranwe-Ar-Feiniel » Mon Nov 12, 2007 5:06 pm

No, Mara is just brain dead from a ten page research paper that is due in a week, making the costumes for The Infernal Machine (a retelling of Oedipus Rex), working, learning lines and blocking for aforementioned play, learning lines and blocking for acting I, writing speeches for speech class, taking care of tests in Geology, and a host of other fun activities....

Including trying to have time for friends AND a boyfriend.
And Mara is getting sick.

megh. :|

I can't wait for thanksgiving...even though I do have to work on thanksgiving........
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Postby wind_walker » Mon Nov 12, 2007 6:06 pm

JF wrote:Got anything Windy?


gas?

Um, I dunno, but with Mara's mention of the upcoming holiday, perhaps we could roast the big bird *nods at the dragon while it's not paying attention* and have a "family" feast.

-WW
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Postby Johnny_Flett » Mon Nov 12, 2007 10:20 pm

Geology? Acting? Thanksgiving? Why, these are a few of my favorite things!

The opening sequence...a left-to-right camera pan through the clouds and across rocky, snow-covered mountains. The camera dips into a green, wooded valley with steep cliffs that descend into a snow-fed lake. Reflections of the hills are viewed in the mirror-like images on the water's surface. As the camera moves over the landscape, it discovers an open, green area nestled between the peaks. It moves closer and zooms into the green field, where it suddenly finds a happy and joyous Maria (Johnny_Flett), a novice Ereborian nun, walking across the wide expanse of land. With open-armed appreciation of the beauty and financial potential of the surrounding majestic peaks and vistas, he twirls and sings the title song. For him:

"The steep-sided topographic elevations are alive with the sound of rhythmic auditory sensations...
With musical compositions they have emitted for millenia!
The steep-sided topographic elevations satiate my cardiac muscle with the sound of rhythmic auditory sensations...
My hydrothermal vein wants to find the thrust fault in your lateral moraine!

Because of his adventuresome, flighty and carnivorous nature, he spends so much time singing and dancing and devouring turkeys on the mountainside that he has neglected most of his duties at the Abbey. He hears distant church bells pealing, reminding him that he is late and must immediately return to the nunnery.

It is arranged for Maria to take a job as a governess/nanny for a family near Meduseld "until September...to take care of seven children" - of the widowed Captain von Trapp (Lark), a retired officer of the Rohirrim. Her husband died several years ago, having fallen backwards onto several swords, leaving her alone with the children.

Scared, doubtful and worried as he departs from the familiar surroundings of the Abbey, Maria walks away with his duffel bag and gnawing on a turkey leg. He bolsters his confidence by singing "I Have Cranberries in Me." He meets the strait-laced widow and is introduced to the seven mischievous, incorrigible children:

16 year-old Liesl (Maranwe)
14 year-old Friedrich (Windwalker)
13 year-old Louisa (Ilfrith)
11 year-old Kurt (Slugwurtz)
10 year-old Brigitta (Brego)
almost 7 year-old Marta (a trained kangaroo)
5 year-old Gretl who suffers from gigantism (Riot)


Meh. Maybe we should do the HMS Pinafore instead.
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Postby Riot » Wed Nov 14, 2007 11:44 am

Surreal. My brain broke.

***

Somewhere between nearly being drowned by a giant ball of crap and feeding SW his Palantirstation 2 from the wrong end, Riot found herself sucked into a blasphemous fantasy world involving J_F in a convent (...) and Lark making her wear lederhosen. OK, maybe not that far from reality.

Still in the mountain, albeit in lederhosen and those silly German braids that are just on the right side of not being Princes Leia, Riot stared at J_F who waltzed about the dining hall in the ugliest dress she had ever seen, and that was saying a lot considering what she was wearing. Brego had also been stuffed into a lovely dress and was sitting next to SW, the two were squabbling over a dish of pudding, and Riot could not help but think what a delightful little girl Brego made.

Just then, SW punched Brego in the face, sending him flying, skirts and all. J_F took little notice and Brego leapt up, hair in disarray, and sunk his teeth into SW's bony ankle. Snarling, SW started stomping on Brego's head. Screaming obscenities in German, at least that's what Riot suspected it was, SW's ankle muffled the articulation, Brego began kicking wildly.

Riot shrugged, and carefully stepped around them, retrieving the pudding as both children rolled about nearly bowling J_F over in the middle of his solo act, yodeling at the top of his lungs.

WW was in another corner, again with the lederhosen, flipping through a suspiciously glossy magazine with a rather disturbing leer on his face. Riot caught the Heffer's Monthly title and stopped reading.

Mara (AKA Goth?) came in and things got really surreal. Goosestepping sullenly, she went to the darkest corner, clad in black lederhosen, combat boots, and an SS armband. Scowling at all she sat ramrod straight in her chair, wondering if she should be blonde.

J_F continued his yodeling, utilizing the props of a goatskull, wineskin to help illustrate what the goatherd did when he got a little too lonely.

"...What exactly is going on in here?" Lark snapped, stepping into the dining hall, crisply attired in a hunter green uniform, a riding crop at her side. Ilfrith followed, still in her Rohirric garb.

"He did it!"
"She did it!" SW and Brego cried simultaneously.

"She?" Brego paused long enough for SW to belt him again.

"Don't hit your sister," Lark lectured.

"She isn't really a girl," SW announced.

"Oh well that's OK then."

Mara heaved a great sigh of impatience and muttered about "mein kampf." Riot sniggered and finished the pudding.

"What exactly am I paying you for?" Lark grimaced as she approached the yodeling J_F.

"Do you really want me to say it in front of the children?" asked J_F as he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.
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Postby Johnny_Flett » Fri Nov 23, 2007 9:22 pm

Then did Maria close his eyes, and he wept for the children; for he hated them, and wished them all obliterated. He wept until he slept, and he dreamed as he slept; of the Swiss Alps, and of dairy goats, and of dairy goatherds, and if Julie Andrews' fishnet stockings, stilleto heels and Walther P-38 were regulation issue for officers of the Waffen SS...

He awoke with a start, and the dream was gone. He found himself once again in Tolkien's Middle Earth, upon the Lonely Mountain named Erebor, surrounded by gibbering idiots and slack-jawed buffoons. The weight of the enormous crown on his head reminded him that he was a king. And what was it that kings were supposed to do?

"Let us reconvene in the great hall. The time has come. Inter-thread war is upon us."
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Postby Johnny_Flett » Sat Dec 01, 2007 9:47 pm

If you haven't noticed, I posted the State of the Mountain thing on the Mordor thread. I don't expect any resistance, still I would like to wait until December the, um, fourteenth?...abouts before I move in for the kill. That will be the one-year anniversary of the Naggy Wife of S's absence, and that thread, like the V-lair before it, will be mine. I am going to temporarily change my banner and assume the mantle of Dark Lord for a little fun; my first official act as the Numero Uno bad boy of ME will be...RUNNING WITH SCISSORS! Keep your eyes open and join in the fun; a covered dish would be nice, but let's not have a repeat of the conquering of the Valaraukar Lair when EVRY DAMN ONE OF YOU BROUGHT POTATO SALAD!
:x
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Postby Ilfrith » Sun Dec 02, 2007 10:02 pm

King Flett,

You Rock!! :)

Thank you so much for this appointment.

****sets sushi on the table******

I'll get working on those blankets right away.

Security for all citizens at all costs. A noble cause.

:rofl:
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Postby Riot » Mon Dec 03, 2007 4:40 pm

...Not to make trouble or anything, but Gloam was on the Minas Morgul thread in September of this year. Heh.

Also: war is good. KRIEG!

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Postby Ilfrith » Thu Dec 06, 2007 5:04 pm

Man, do I miss Gloam.

He was a blast. :twisted:
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Postby Johnny_Flett » Thu Dec 13, 2007 10:14 pm

You know, that's really interesting, because I once had a character named Gloamglozer. Well I actually had three characters named Gloamglozer, all identical in every single way except profession (Overlord Gloam, GrandMaster Rappin'Gloam, Donut makin' Gloam).

Name: Gloam

Race: Scentshifter/Ancient Being

Age: Only milliseconds younger than Eru

Height: In Human form 5 foot 2

Hair: Bristly, black

Skin: White, pock-marked

Eyes: Black depths that have bright red tricycles, skateboards, etc, floating around when you look into them

Clothes: In his human form he wears red satin underpants beneath a black cloak. This cloak seems to be able to hold an infinite amount of things from little scraps of paper to packets of mustard, hot sauce, etc.

Personality: Gloam is 100% evil with a little bit of good. He still harbours the ancient evil inside but sometimes lets a little bit seep out, especially in the summer if he's wearing shorts and sitting on a flat, wooden stool. He loves a laugh and a joke, but never at the same time.

Skills: He is experienced with all types of weapons, and can turn any inanimate object, no matter how mundane, into a fearful and exotic weapon of death. He has created his own magical language that only he knows, but he's not very good at it. He is a creator of creations, a crafter of crafts, an inventor of inventions and a handler of handles.

Weapons: He has a hammer and sickle, but he can kill you with anything, even a paper clip. Has scentshifting powers.

History: He was created with the elements that were there after Eru came into being and began to squat. But he was sucked through a sphincter into a dark and evil place. He emerged from this place a year later as a totally different being. He went back in, and re-emerged a year later exactly the same. His essence had been forced into a physical form and he had become twisted, like a big, evil croissant.
He wandered Middle Earth and set up a base deep inside Mount Gundabad (Deeper than the orcs or the Dwarves have ever been, or will ever be, cause he Rocks so Hard!). Here he waited for many years, crafting his inventions and perfecting his scentshifting abilities. He taught himself his new magical language. He emerged every so often to try and use this mystical language, but would find that he had completely forgotten it, having not having used it, since he was all alone and somewhere under Mount Gundabad.

Favorite Forms:

1.Handsome human male who is dressed in a long black cloak that seems to hold an infinite amount of scraps of paper, mustard packets, etc. Looks a lot like Freddie Mercury.
2.Blackwood Ent (Ebony) with a large black staff and a gold tooth.
3.Large Black Dragon
4.Merv Griffin
5.My original form. A huge black winged beast with piercing red eyes. See number three.

Other Information.

He has a familiar called Sasha. She is black supermodel who is joined to his soul. At the waist.

Gloamglozer is also the bearer of the Red Ring of Radio Fliers
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Postby Ilfrith » Sun Dec 16, 2007 8:14 pm

oh my!!

:rofl: :rofl:

My sides hurt after I read that.

So, can we start redecorating over at the Morder alliance?

I was watching some decorating shows and got some ideas to spruce things up over there.
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