The Wonderful Alliance of Extremely Beautiful and Hot Elves

The varied peoples of Middle-earth at times found unity in their pursuits, and all too often experienced deep rifts. Engage in lively conversations as we banter about the differences between the Alliances, and recruit for our People as well. Remember, keep it friendly.

The Wonderful Alliance of Extremely Beautiful and Hot Elves

Postby ShanndrahEartheart » Fri Apr 28, 2006 6:36 am

I woke up and went about life in my usual French way, and lo and behold, J_F was insistent on my starting this thread with a whopping 7 votes. :shock: . The thread has sadly been locked, so I figured I would start this one. Now, it is the duty of the extremely hot elves out there to make sure this thread stays alive. So, without further ado, I shall insert some copy pasting action from the last thread which was quoted from the one before because I am a lazy French elf :wink:


.~'~.~'~.~'~.~'~.~'~.~'~.~'~.~'~.~'~.~'~.~'~.~'~.~'~.~'~.~'~.~'~.~'~.~'~.~'~.~'~.
Do you think you're as hot as Legolas? Or are more beautiful than Arwen or even Galadriel? If you answered yes to either of these questions than this is the Alliance for you!

Come here to meet other Elves who call TolkienOnline their home. We're all a nice bunch, though be warned, we can be a little...strange at times. Just ask and you will be added to the members list. The list shown is not all members but those most active.

I welcome you to talk about whatever is going on with you, your friends, or that really nice picture you found of Legolas. Anything goes here! Just remember, we're Elves that are Beautiful and Hot. So we can be a bit vain, a little mirror obsessed. Oh yeah, speaking of mirrors. While here you can look into the One Mirror, our version of the Ring.
.~'~.~'~.~'~.~'~.~'~.~'~.~'~.~'~.~'~.~'~.~'~.~'~.~'~.~'~.~'~.~'~.~'~.~'~.~'~.~'~.


:~:~~~~~~~~~~~~~: Current Members :~~~~~~~~~~~~~:
'Current Members' includes those in the past three pages


:~:The Ladies:~:
lark
Riot
ShanndrahEartheart
Luthriel_Greenleaf
Shadow_of_the_Past
Edhelanna
Vanaladiel
Maranwe-Ar-Feiniel
bloomgirl06
elerrina_narloth


:~:The Gentlemen:~:
Johnny_Flett
HobbitArchitect

:~~~~~~~~~~~~~: Past Members :~~~~~~~~~~~~~:
'Past Members' includes those in the thread who have not posted recently


:~:The Former Ladies:~:
Arenial
elf-maiden
Lady_Aremin
Lothloriel
Me-elf
moonmistress
orliesmyhusband
Nimrodel_89
solith_elf
Aralana_Greenleaf
Aramel
bloomgirl06
legolas_is_mineOB



:~:The Former Gentlemen:~:
Bethrael
Boromir209
balrogthane
Maglor_Inglorin

.~'~.~'~.~'~.~'~.~'~.~'~.~'~.~'~.~'~.~'~.~'~.~'~.~'~.~'~.~'~.~'~.~'~.~'~.~'~.~'~.


Now, without much further ado, i shall open this thread for all the beautiful and hot elves out there!
Last edited by ShanndrahEartheart on Fri Jun 16, 2006 3:47 pm, edited 8 times in total.
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Postby lark » Fri Apr 28, 2006 7:13 am

Thanks for starting the new thread , Shann. :) I was just getting ready to do so myself, and I appreciate you saving me the trouble. :)

I would ask one favor of you, that you please move J_F’s name from the list of ladies, to the list of gentlemen. :roll: That was BT’s idea of a joke, I believe.

Also, I’d like to thank Daefaroth for allowing this thread to be restarted, despite there being other ‘elf’ themed threads out there. Thank you oh toothy one! :)

Weren’t we doing some sort of RP about something or other? :P
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Postby ShanndrahEartheart » Fri Apr 28, 2006 7:21 am

Me with my copy pasting :roll:

Granted! J_F has regained his slight masculinity :D

And we were RPing...but who really knows what was going on?

And I wasn't sure about starting the thread, but I figured I might as well, seeing as how the old one was locked. Just glad I didn't bother anyone :)

And yes, thank you Darfaroth for letting us continue our lovely thread! :)
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Postby Gloamglozer » Fri Apr 28, 2006 8:12 am

Well well well.

A new thread.
I'm sorry but I just couldn't resist posting in it.


If I may stick around for a while I would enjoy the extreme and whacky humour that some of your members demonstrate on occasions.

*cough* J_F *cough*

:D



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Postby Shadow_of_the_Past » Sat Apr 29, 2006 3:51 am

wow this looks like my kind of thread :P

I would like to join if you dont mind having someone insane in your midst (just a little bit :P )

I have been lurking round the old thread for a bit and though this would be the perfect oportunity to join so count me in :D
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Postby Johnny_Flett » Sun Apr 30, 2006 7:49 pm

Enter the mighty J_F, looking mighty good-looking. He looks around the new and improved hall, and smiles at the intricate stonework he has done above the mantle. He has chiselled the entire history of Middle Earth into the living rock. J_F conquering Angband; J_F slaying Glaurung; J_F banishing Morgoth to the void; J_F killing the balrog of Moria with his bare hands; J_F leading the charge of the Rohirrim; J_F slaying the Witch-king; J_F destroying the One Ring. And in ten foot high letters spanning the entire wall, EVIL THINGS SUCK.

"Whacky humor?" *whacks Gloam over head with a two-by-four* "Now THAT'S funny!"

He walks over to the where the list of members is posted on the wall.

"Jeez. This thing is way out of date." He begins crossing out some names and footnoting others.

"Dead...Dead...Got fat...Dead...got really fat and an acute case of buffoonism...missing in action...nobody likes. Wow. Good, hot elves are getting hard to find."

*notices the newcomer*

"Hello there, Shadow of the Pasties. I must admit that they cast large shadows, indeed. If we were to ask you to kill Gloamglozer, what weapons would you use, if any?" 8)
Last edited by Johnny_Flett on Mon May 01, 2006 7:09 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby Riot » Sun Apr 30, 2006 9:17 pm

Riot skipped into the new hall, swinging her new battleaxe cheerfully and whistling poorly. She tripped over the lumpy body of Gloam and lost her grip on the axe, which embedded itself in the wall behind S_E.

"Who leaves crap like this laying around?" Riot scowled, glaring at all those present.

"That's what I'd like to ask his mother," J_F replied solemnly.

Gloam groaned and J_F kicked the 2x4 under the couch.

"So uh...new home already christened with the blood of sissypants?" Riot wondered aloud.

"J_F, you better not be damaging the our new hall already!" Lark called from another room.

"We're insured!" He replied.

"And you better not be maiming our guests on the first page! I really mean it!"

"..." J_F looked at Riot who had accidentally dropped a lamp on Gloam's head.

"I didn't break it!" She hissed. "Besides, whatever we do...it'll grow back."

"Friends help friends move..." J_F looked around thoughtfully at their new lair. "Real friends help friends move bodies."

Riot looked down disdainfully. "Where to? Off the balcony or into the moat?"

"I wasn't thinking that far. Maybe just the trash compactor." J_F rubbed his chin. "Is twinkie boy heavy?"

"Dunno. He's probably got a lot of cream filling," Riot said, lifting a limp appendage with a stick.

"Suddenly I'm far more interested in your battle axe than what I want to do with Gloam's unconscious body."

"I second that motion," Riot said queasily. "But chopping things up in the main hall would get messy and sometimes they just regenerate. What do you think SOP?"

SOP blinked, her mind still reeling from the mindnumbing hypothetical question that J_F had posed earlier.

"Thinking hurts, got it. Let's just drop it in the closet, let him come out in his out time, and call it a night." J_F decided quickly.

The two completed their deed and returned looking rather smarmy. It was an auspicious beginning.
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Postby Shadow_of_the_Past » Mon May 01, 2006 1:06 am

"do you mean kill or torture until they beg for death?"

Shadow smiles evily :twisted:

"for torture I recomend the use of pineapples :P and an iron (I recomend sunbeam but any good brand will do). As for killing it depends on wether you want it to be swift and relativly painless or wether it will last a couple weeks :twisted: then the only limit is your imagination :roll:... on second thought stuff all that complicated stuff. A good swift kick where it hurts then stab 'em in the back." 8)
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Postby ShanndrahEartheart » Mon May 01, 2006 5:58 am

Shann=lazy French sexeh elf. She doesn't do work, and trying to figure out when the last time was that she saw someone in this thread is too much like work :D

I also don't like sharp objects flying at me, so I hope Riot gave him a kick for me.

-------

Shann sat down, and watched the other hot elves situate themselves in their new home.

"I really have to update the member list, don't I? Work work work. Oh la la. I must sit and gather my strength about me" (oi! Shadow, forgive me, but male or female?)

She looked around, wondering if anyone had noticed her antics. No one had. Instead, they were all busily settling in. This piqued her curiosity, because there was apparently no effort to go back to the previous story.

"Hey, what are we doing? I mean, I don't even remember what the RP was really about anymore, so are we just ditching it? Are we thinking about starting a new one?"



---I updated the list, as I saw fit. :P I will add Shadow once I know where to put him...her?
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Postby Shadow_of_the_Past » Tue May 02, 2006 12:36 am

:shock: definatly a she :shock:

:rofl:
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Postby Riot » Wed May 03, 2006 7:20 pm

J_F'll be the judge of that! :shock: :shock: :shock:

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Postby lark » Wed May 03, 2006 9:55 pm

Welcome Shadow of the Past! :) I kind of figured you were a girl. Not many men have alliance to Luthien. :wink: Don’t mind J_F and Riot…they’re like that. :roll: 8)

Gloam, my little evil friend, :twisted: I assume you are here on friendly business. :wink: As you can see by J_F and Riot’s posts, the elves do not lightly welcome those of evil alliances. :shock: :P

Shann, it doesn’t matter to me if we start a new RP or try to figure out what in the world was going on in the old one. I guess one of us could go back to the old thread and read it…but that would take effort. :whistle:
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Postby ShanndrahEartheart » Sat May 06, 2006 3:59 pm

What can I say? I am horrible at knowing whether someone is a guy or girl.

And I think reading the old thread is too much like work for me. i hate work :D

Hot elves like us should never have to work :wink:
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Postby Boromir209 » Sun May 07, 2006 12:20 am

Hey look im up on that list there....heh howd that happen...
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Postby Johnny_Flett » Sun May 07, 2006 7:32 pm

Johnny_Flett wrote:
Boromir209 felt a hand grab him by the mullet and drag him to the front door. He then found himself deposited rather roughly onto the stoop. He ragained his feet just in time to have the heavy oaken doors slammed in his face.

(from inside) "Shann! You typo'd the front page! It was supposed to be Boromir 290!"



From The Johnny_Flett Show starring Johnny_Flett
©2006 J_F Enterprises, Inc.

Written by Johnny_Flett
Directed by Johnny_Flett
Starring Johnny_Flett
as Johnny_Flett
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Postby Boromir209 » Mon May 08, 2006 12:11 am

Ah thats much better, 'cept that I have a mullet and it hurts from being pulled.
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Postby Vanaladiel » Mon May 08, 2006 1:02 pm

Gosh! :shock: I was one of the original posters to this guild many many moons ago. Do I still belong here or better yet, would you still allow me to be a poster here?? Pretty please!!! I promise that I am one beautiful and hot blonde green eyed elf. :D
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Postby Johnny_Flett » Mon May 08, 2006 8:02 pm

And the moon drips down, very heavy behind,
The front of her dress, all shadowy-lined.
As the hall's heavy doors are opened wide
For another hot elf!

"Welcome, m'lady, to our most humble abode", says J_F, bowing low. He notices Boromir209 attempting to crawl through the open door on all fours. "Stop! Gondorian swine!" He attempts to kick the intruder, but Boromir209 catches his foot. ""Unhand me you buffoon! We don't need your kind here!" They wrestle momentarily, until they are upstaged by Riot, who is sitting at a large table before the fire, trimming her toe nails with a hatchet.
*Ker-CHUNK*
A large, yellow nail shard ricochets off the ceiling and lands in the fire, where it burns like gasoline.

"Aw, what the heck. Come on in both of ya. We're a little disorganized at the moment. We lost half our members on the last RP. Some just vanished. Others died horible deaths. Hey, Lark, honey, was HA eaten by cannibals or sharks?"

"Cannibals, dear."

"Then who was it that was eaten by sharks?"

"That was you, dear."

"Ah, yes. Apparently I was eaten by sharks."
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Postby Vanaladiel » Tue May 09, 2006 6:31 pm

Thank you m'lord for allowing me in. Vana curtsies and then gracefully moves aside while a gondorian knight trys crawling in almost beneath her skirts.

After the small scuffle with the man at the door, they are both allowed into the main hall of the Beautiful and Hot Elves Guild.


Vana looks about the room. Her eyes shining as she takes in the beauty of the grand hall.

It is so much bigger then I remember the hall being before, but then you have had many new faces come and go since then, I believe.
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Postby lark » Thu May 11, 2006 10:31 am

Welcome Vanaladiel! :) Or, welcome back, as the case may be.

Sorry I haven’t been around. I’m having computer problems off and on. :(

Oh, and I actually went back to the old thread to remind myself what the RP we were doing was about. This is what I found:

J_F wrote:Pull up a chair, and read the last few pages; we are also using a seafaring adventure, as a panoramic backdrop for a gripping story of unrequited love on the high seas...

Their devilish passion turned a leisurely pirating cruise into a violent drama of love, lust and adventure...experience the angst....feel the confusion...somewhere between love and marine biology lies a forbidden place where young girls/pirates/bear impersonators yearn to unleash their violent and twisted impulses on young and unsuspecting young man-fish like things...

:P :P :P
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Postby Edhelanna » Thu May 25, 2006 2:09 am

You all forgot MEEEEE??????????????????????????

how dare you! :x

I know I have been ..ahem...MIA for a while, but I did post in the old topic only a couple of months ago!!


You'd better do some major arse-kissing to get me back! :twisted:
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Postby ShanndrahEartheart » Thu May 25, 2006 5:11 am

Shann pulls off her almighty cloak of lurkerdom, and settle on a divan. "New members? Or old ones, I suppose...Welcome!" Shann is then distracted by a bowl of grapes at her elbow, which she starts peeling and eating. "We need servants foor this sort of work. There is no way I am going to last if I have to peel my own grapes." :P Shann glances over the previous messages. "Oh, and J_F, don't get after me about typos. Copy/paste is my friend, so it wasn't me who would have made the typos."
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Postby Riot » Thu May 25, 2006 4:36 pm

Major Arse Kissing? Wasn't that HA's other title?

Or was it "all around the rim?" You know, because hobbits excel at basketball.

I'm sorry. It all just kind of came out. Like diarrhea of the mouth.

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Postby Maranwe-Ar-Feiniel » Thu May 25, 2006 5:43 pm

You have such lovely imagery, Riot.

Might I join? This thread looks rather amusing.
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Postby Johnny_Flett » Thu May 25, 2006 7:17 pm

"Certainly you may join!" Exclaims J_F, who has just entered carrying a bushel basket full of grapes. He sets them down by Shann. "While you're at it..."

He takes Mara by the hand and leads her to the balcony.

"You should be aware, the Hot Elves are an elite corps of raving idiots. We blather about, and fritter away; we are also quite adept at posing and mincing. Most of us are quite content to just primp and preen; for we remain blissfully free from the ravages of intelligence. Lucky are they that can spell; gifted are they that successfully copy and paste. And few among us, the truly fortunate, actually know what a Premier Membership is."

At this point he looked in and glared at a certain she-elf.

"Man! That was five bucks down the crapper! That's probably like five hundred bucks in Aussie bumwad!"
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Postby Edhelanna » Thu May 25, 2006 10:24 pm

You forget yourself, J_F...remember how I saved us all from those raving zombies by flashing my Silmarils? And as for the premiere membership, I'm a BLOND Elf remember? Triffling details like that go over my head. How was I supposed to know what to do with it? :roll:

Oh the trials of being SUCH an uber-hot, sexy object of web-footed lust ...

Newt and I are exploring unknown passages...

...in the underwater caves, that is....(I heard that lewd snort, J_F)

Riot dear, how are you? Had any good sh!its in the woods lately? Is it moulting season yet? Must be warm in that bear fur... =:)

So, what is the Nancy Drew Elf Crew up to?
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Postby Riot » Sun May 28, 2006 1:44 am

Edhelanna wrote:
Riot dear, how are you? Had any good sh!its in the woods lately? Is it moulting season yet? Must be warm in that bear fur... =:)



Oh Ed! You really do care. *wipes a tear from her eye*

How kind of you to inquire after the primary functions of my bowels...we are all very happy together thank you. Fiber-rich and very comfortable. I know poison ivy when I see it, and have no desire to use it in place of two-ply tp. (The same goes for Aussie things: where the money falls apart in your hands and you can't tear the toilet paper...)

Moulting season? I believe birds molt and mammals shed. So I'm going to go with: how the bloody hell should I know? :P That's a safe answer. Besides, hibernating is so much more important.

As for luscious furs, I must say, they are cozy. If you have a bearskin rug, a roaring fireplace, and an attractive hot-blooded beau, it gets more than a little warm in the bear fur...

MAF: I'm renowned for my figurative nature of my speech. Or is it the literal nature of my figurative speech? Or is this a literal speech about figurative renown...???? Sometimes I get so confused. :? :P

Anyway...we are having no grand and glorious adventures as of now. We are burning off calories just by lazing about, and all that energy is making us hot hot hot... Or so I was told in bio. I think. I might have been sleeping.

Any ideas would be welcome, though I've been spouting all sorts of disturbing things since we started that serious RP in Pony. Bad poetry for instance, but please excuse the bad rhyme scheme...I wrote it in ten minutes and it shows.

I have knowledge that I must share with all,
And the proper drink has given me the gall.
The origin of “Elfstone” can only appall
Flatly said, Aragorn has but one ball!

The poor chap was born with none,
But was still called “my dear son”
Please excuse the silly pun,
But something really had to be done!

The dwarves tried to give him a pair,
But theirs he would not deign to wear,
If they were light he would not care,
But these were far too heavy there!

So came the elves with magics abound,
And forged him something light and round,
Each Silmaril, only half a pound!
When clanged together, what a sound!

The noise made Arwen Equine quite sour,
And she hid one in a secret bower.
Great was Elfstone’s rage and power,
And he locked fat Arwen in yonder tower…

...I think this is a far better place for it. Don't know if that's a good thing...

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Postby Maranwe-Ar-Feiniel » Sun May 28, 2006 5:39 pm

Yeah, I read that one. :lol: I think it actually fit in the context of your bawdy characters quite well. :P

And J_F....You mock my pain!!! I am unfourtuanatly lucky in that I kin spell(most of the time), and I well know how to 'cut and paste'....BUt The PM...That was low, even for you!!!!!!!!
*minces deliactly away, but fail to notice the balcony doesn't have a railing (not aetheticaly pleasing), and lands in the bucket of grapes. After floundering, she realizes the grapes were really, really old to begin with, and she has been in the bucket a long time. Promptly proceeds to get drunk*
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Postby Edhelanna » Sun May 28, 2006 10:00 pm

MAF walked off the balcony,
Blinded by a mist
She landed in a vat of wine
And got completely pissed.

:lol:

Crikey, how much hotness can y'all take? *flips hair*
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Postby Johnny_Flett » Mon May 29, 2006 7:05 am

Ed walks in; she is wearing one of her signature evening gowns with a plunging neckline. This one plunges down to her ankle bracelets, which are adorned with adorable golden fish hooks.

"Has anyone seen me chum? Yoo-hoo! Newtie-poo!"

"Is that the boy with green skin?" asked Mara, her chin resting on the side of the barrel.

"Yes, Mara. It's a long story...(J_F yells over his shoulder) Shann! Hurry up with those damn grapes! We picked him up during our last RP...He harpooned the blonde bombshell here a coupla times, and we've been hosing them off ever since."

"Oh. Those elves came and got him," says Mara, slowly sliding back into the barrel.

"WHAT?! WHO TOOK HIM!" exclaims Ed, hoisting Mara out of the vat by her nostrils.

"The soldyers...wif the red and white chekkerboards on dere sheelds..."

"Red and white? Aren't those Purrina's colors? Yeah...sure they are...runs the big pet food/animal lab operation in the south..." interjected Lark.

"Oooh...Purrina...now SHE is one HOT elf!" salivates J_F. "She'll combine the great taste of his tender, meaty bits with a savory gravy, creating a moist, delicious meal that your cat is sure to love."

"That's a switch. Cats will be eating him for a change." Riot sniped.

Will the incredibly hot and glamorous pet food magnate Purrina steal Ed's favorite fish stick? And what about Mrs. Paul? Will the other elves care? Stay tuned to see if they can pool their collective half-wit and save Ed's beloved creek chubby...same elf time...same elf channel...
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