The Wonderful Alliance of Extremely Beautiful and Hot Elves

The varied peoples of Middle-earth at times found unity in their pursuits, and all too often experienced deep rifts. Engage in lively conversations as we banter about the differences between the Alliances, and recruit for our People as well. Remember, keep it friendly.

Postby lark » Fri Dec 08, 2006 9:34 pm

Um, who’s turn is next? :?

*subliminal message*
**this is not spam**
:P
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Postby Elfkin » Wed Dec 13, 2006 3:34 am

Riot-- You're related to J_F? Why on earth did you wait until now to apply the chlorine? :P

Lark-- Um, no idea... I've forgotten who's playing. *peers around* Show yerselves, ye scurvy braggarts!
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Postby Edhelanna » Thu Dec 14, 2006 1:43 am

Riot wrote:Come back Edhelanna! You've been nominated for the best boo- I mean n00b!


How could I resist? *sniff*

I graciously accept this award...

hang on, just nominated right?...

*waits for award presentation*

Crikey! somebody nominate me for a premier membership already!! Now I know what it's about, i'll be ready for it (yes, I'm back from Middle-earth, refreshed and ready to share some AWESOME news - I GOT A TOUR OF WETA WORKSHOPS, thanks to a chance meeting with HIS WORSHIPFULNESS THE GOD OF SPECIAL EFFECTS, Richard Taylor!!!) :shock:

gimme that membership...oh, and the award for best boob.. - er noob!

wow...*looks at profile info* - I've been here over a year now!! :twisted:
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Postby Johnny_Flett » Fri Dec 15, 2006 8:08 pm

Lay down your huge and shapely chest,
The journey's over now; it is time for you to rest.
Sleep now, and dream of the Flett you knew before,
He is cursing now, from across a distant shore.
Another PM? Maybe I should call it quits.
I guess just one more chance
To show her ripe and supple...wits.

Safe on our thread, you're only heaving.

Chorus:

Across the sea a buffoon rises,
Elerrina has come, to grate on your nerves.
And what was wrong
With the Old Zealand?
And why does it hurt?
Whenever I pee?

And all will press; buttocks to glass,
Full moon through the window
Alack and alas,

Here's your PM
:wink:
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Postby lark » Sat Dec 16, 2006 8:43 pm

You never write songs for me! :evil: *pouts* but at least you gave me a PM too. :D *gets over it*

Welcome back Ed! :hug: Your trip sounds like it was absolutely awesome! I’m afraid the WCA awards have already taken place, and you didn’t win. :( Several of us here were nominated for this and that but none of us won. It’s something of a popularity contest, and well… :roll: anyway, late happy TROC birthday. :) For what it’s worth, you are very appreciated here.

Now back to the game.

~*~*~

Wiping the pumpkin gore off her face, Lark gently removed Elfkin from J_F’s knees. “Come along dear. Daddy/Mommy J_F will get you a pony when we reach land. You’ve had a busy day and you should probably rest for a little while. Ed, I do believe it’s your turn.”

The group settled back around the game board once again, and watched as Ed’s top-heavy game piece fell forward, then slid along on it’s…face. Riot snickered. Slowly the words appeared in the palantir once again, “This last move was such a bungle, off you go to Cirith Ungol.”

There was a strange tingly sensation along with a blurring of the vision and some cheap special effects. When it passed, the group looked around and was quite surprised to find themselves no longer on their ship out at sea, but in some strange dark room that seemed to be at the top of a tower.

“please tell me we’re not where I think we are!” Mara said covering her eyes.

“Okay…where do you think we are?” Elfkin quickly responded.

Riot whacked her, “Shhhh! We’re in the tower at Cirith Ungol.”
:shock:
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Postby Edhelanna » Sun Dec 17, 2006 9:15 pm

Oh the love and humor... :lol: ...*silmarils heave prettily*

Thank you J_F for the ..er...ode to my bosooms... :twisted: And thank you Larkenstones for the hugs and forgiveness! hehe...

Now, what the hell's been happening round here while I've been brazenly flashing my Sils round Middle-earth? Cirith Ungol? Anyone remember the Raid? Heard that place is full of spiders, and WEEEE don't LIKE spiders....
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Postby Johnny_Flett » Wed Dec 20, 2006 10:08 pm

Inside the tower, they were in utter and impenetrable dark. They were in a black vapor wrought of veritable darkness itself that, as it was breathed, brought blindness not only to the eyes but to the mind, so that even memory of colors and of forms and of any traffic regulations faded from thought.

But for a while they could still feel, and indeed the senses of their fingers seemed sharpened almost painfully. The walls felt smooth, cantilevered and capacious.

*SLAP*

Something glimmered in the center of the room, faint as a couple of rising stars struggling in heavy earthward mists. The power of the lights waxed and kindled to silver flame. The darkness receded from the power of the two dazzling globes that sparkled with white fire.

"Sweet Mary Ann's coconuts, skipper!" exclaimed HA. "Is...is it a Valier?"
For the light had taken the form of a woman; tall and robed in green.

"Mayhaps, methinks..." quipped the dwelf. "P'raps'tis Yawanna, the Giver of Fruits. In reverence, she is held just beneath Varda, the Queen of the Valar. "Or p'raps it's just Ed, returned from beyond the walls of the mountains and basins of the seas."

A great bafflement fell upon the befuddled buffoons. They beseeched the vision:

"More pics!"
"Less pose!"
"More scenery!"
"Less clothes!"

*SLAP*
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Postby Johnny_Flett » Thu Dec 28, 2006 10:41 pm

As quickly as they had waxed, the twin beams waned. They sputtered, then fizzled, then went out completely. The darkness enveloped them once again; the deafening silence was broken by two "MOO"s and a *PLOP*, followed by yet another "MOO". :shock:
"Somebody light a torch! Quickly!" :?

There upon the floor lay a tiny brassiere and scattered tissues. Holding it aloft, they could discern very faint markings...E...D...H.. :roll:
"Awww...it's a little B cup....how cute!" :wink:
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Postby Edhelanna » Mon Jan 08, 2007 1:58 am

Ah pish, silly man-dwelf thing...THAT was the training bra I had when I was 10 - it's for Elerrina... :twisted:

(for a muzzle actually)...

Ai! A Balrog! :shock: *peers intently*...ah, ok, amend that...it's Elerrina's bottom as she grovels on the floor scooping up those fallen tissues...

Wherefore art we, o Keeper of the Flame of Eveready? Can someone please ask for directions, as Dwelf-boy will never deign to admit he's gotten us completely and indescribably LOST...
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Postby Johnny_Flett » Wed Jan 10, 2007 9:43 pm

Edherinna wrote:I have a bow and I know how to use it


Better check your string there, m'lady things...I hate it when that happens.

Lost? Perish the thought...I am a skilled cartographer. Give me a couple hemispheres and watch me work my magic.

Got a post brewing, but 12-hour shifts wearing me out. I hope the Hot Elves remember how to fight...
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Postby Edhelanna » Thu Jan 11, 2007 1:29 am

OOC: know where you're comin' from J_F...I'm so tired lately I haven't got the energy to fart.
:zzz:
********************************

"OK, so we're not lost, but it is awfully dark in this passage...with no light to reflect upon the mirrors, however are we going to check our look?" said the primping Mara.

"Forgotten how we got here? Princess Booby's gamepiece fell over..." Riot scowled.

"Not my fault the game manufacturer's didn't couterbalance that piece properly," sniffed Ed. "I myself am PERFECTLY well balanced." She jiggled her Silmarils fetchingly and never so much as stumbled.

J_F had a moment of catatonia before stammering, "Fact is, we are now stuck here. And," he said with an evil grin at Edhelanna, "You got us into this mess, so you'll have to figure out how to get us out of it!"

"Moi?" she purred. "But someone bumped the board just as I was about to move...so it's not really MY fault." She turned her emerald gaze to Lark. "Perhaps as you were extricating that poison dwarf Elfkin from the knees of her...father?"

"Who are you calling a 'poison dwarf', Elfbiyitch?" grizzled Elfkin.

"No matter," Ed said with a dismissive wave of her hand. "I shall wear the consequences of this debacle and get us out of Cirith Ungol." Somehow, she thought, while keeping her fingers crossed behind her back.

She led the hot Elf crew back into the nasty web-infested labyrinth. "Keep an eye out for spiders, eh?" Ed warned Riot. "I'm afraid I don't like those mofos very much".

"Why me?" said Riot. "Do I look like a pest exterminator?"

Lark said, "But dear, you DO like to exterminate things..."

Riot frowned a moment, then grinned, "Oh yeah...right!" She pulled a large can of Raid and a flip flop from the pack on her back. "Go ahead, arachnoid enemies. Make my day..."

Dodging devastating quantities of hair-ruining spider excretions, the group followed Ed down a long, downward spiralling tunnel. It narrowed considerably, so that they had to continue in single file, sometimes squeezing themselves through. "Coulda done with some of that butter," said Lark as she shoved Elfkin's butt from behind. "Your blocking my passage - suck it in, will ya?"

Elfkin wailed, wedged between the rocks. "Wait! Let me go sideways!" Repositioning herself, she finally wriggled through. "How the hell did Ms TopHeavy get by here?" she wondered.

"I can wrap them behind my ears, ya know," grinned Ed.

J_F said nothing.

"Ah, here at last." Ed scrambled down the last dusty steps and into a huge cavern. In the middle sat the game board, with all the pieces ready to play on.

"Amazing. How did you know it would be here?" Mara gasped.

"It's a game, isn't it?" Ed drawled. "And not just any kind of game. Right, who's next?"
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Postby lark » Sun Jan 14, 2007 9:18 pm

Ed, your sig pics are lovely, but there has been something of a dispute between J_F, Riot and myself as to whether or not certain parts of your anatomy have been…enhanced, shall we say? :shock: Riot believes a computer photo shop was used to alter the appearance of the pair, while I suspect that ‘falsies’ made of some sort of gelatin were used. J_F firmly believes (or at least hopes) they are real and completely natural. So, what is it? How did you make your ears look like that? :wink: :P

~*~*~*~

Reluctantly, the group sat down around the game board once more. “I think it was my turn.” Lark conceded, though her lack of enthusiasm was obvious.

She moved her piece along the path on the board, then cringed slightly as she waited for the words to come up. “survival depends on decisions you make, as the ground beneath you quakes.”

The group members looked at each other with alarm as a distant rumbling grew until they found themselves in a full blown earthquake. Cracks in the cave floor grew into fishes, and large chunks of rock and dirt rained down from the ceiling.

“We have to get out of here!” Mara yelled, and the others quickly agreed. It took a moment for Lark to get J_F to move as he stared hypnotized at Ed’s jiggling anatomy. :roll: A sound slap snapped him out of it. :wink:

The violent shaking suddenly increased, and the hot elves were forced to duck down covering their heads to protect them from falling debris. When at last the earthquake stopped, they found that cave-ins had occurred at both ends of the chamber leaving them completely trapped.

Ed crossed her arms in an adorable pout. “Just great! Now what do we do?”

“Snogging might be fun.” J_F suggested helpfully, smiling at Lark.

“Yarg! No way! You’re still a girl, remember?” Lark said with a frown. “Sorry dear, I’m just not into that.”

“C’mon Larky! Take a walk on the wild side!” 8)

Elfking looked panicked. “Stop talking so much! You’ll use up all the air! And what are we going to do about food?!”

Riot smiled. “I guess we’ll just have to eat Elfkin to survive.” :twisted:
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Postby Edhelanna » Sun Jan 14, 2007 9:21 pm

lark wrote:Ed, your sig pics are lovely, but there has been something of a dispute between J_F, Riot and myself as to whether or not certain parts of your anatomy have been…enhanced, shall we say? :shock: Riot believes a computer photo shop was used to alter the appearance of the pair, while I suspect that ‘falsies’ made of some sort of gelatin were used. J_F firmly believes (or at least hopes) they are real and completely natural. So, what is it? How did you make your ears look like that? :wink: :P

~*~*~*~


...just a touch of PShop for the sake of the alliance's preconceptions. Easy peasy photoshoppy exercise. My day job is as a graphic designer after all...)
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Postby Johnny_Flett » Mon Feb 05, 2007 9:01 pm

A great bewilderment fell upon the befuddled buffoons, who nonetheless continued babbling like idiots. :)

"What are we going to do?"
"We're going to starve! Or suffocate! Or both!"
"I think I'd rather starve than suffocate..."
"We're not going to starve. Ever hear of cannabalism?"
"Yes. Some quite good things, actually."
"If you were going to eat, say, Riot, what part would you eat first."
"The head. That's where all the meat is."
"This sucks. Whose stupid idea was this?"
"Whose turn is it? Maybe that stupid stone can wish us out of here."
"I haven't seen it since the roof caved in."
"We haven't seen anything since the roof caved, you moron."
"WeeeeAUUGh! I'M FREAKING OUT! I'M FREAKING OUT! I'M A CLAUSTRAPHOBE!"
"Now let's not bring religion into this..."
"Everybody just calm down. We've got to conserve oxygen and find that stone. I want everyone to relax and let's try some controlled breathing. Ready?"

"In with the good air..."
(Together) *INNnnnffffff...*

"Out with the bad..."
*Aaaaahhhhhhh...*

"In with the good..."
*INNnnnffffff...*

"Out with the bad..."
*Aaaaahhhhhhh...*

"In with the good..."
*INNnnnffffff...poot*

"Ew! Gross!"
"THAT- was disgusting."
"Elfkin!"
"It wasn't me! *sniff sniff*. That's not even one of mine..."
"Oh my...what a stench...somebody...open a window...please"
"I'll light a match."
"NO! WAIT! DON'T!" :shock:
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Postby Johnny_Flett » Mon Mar 05, 2007 10:11 pm

J_F came to, sailing gracefully through the air, high above Middle Earth.

"Must have been one helluva boom..." he mused as ice began forming upon his extremities (some of which were extreme indeed). "...nice to see the ol'thread went out with a bang..."

And the entire history of the Hot Elves unfolded before him; from it's early days as a dumping ground for pre-teen angst and estrogren, to it's waning days as a loose collection of half-wits guffawing at one another. Still, it had it's moments. Like when they caught Ed making out with a full length mirror; or when it took Riot two days to realize they had exchanged the stuffing from her pillow with the grisly remains of Hobbit Artichoke. For Fun!

Now the time had come, to let the Hot Elves diminish, as the power of the Scab Collectors, the Victorian Crumpet Nibblers and the other Whack-Jobbish threads waxed.

As he began his descent, and began to break up, his final thought was a fitting tribute to all he had learned during his long journey:

"I think I can see my flett from here!' :)
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Postby Edhelanna » Wed Jul 11, 2007 12:10 am

Oh pizzlebutts. Tell me not that this thread has just wandered into the mists... :(
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Postby Johnny_Flett » Fri Jul 13, 2007 8:09 pm

this thread has just wandered into the mists...


If memory serves, it was blown into oblivion by a desperate dose of potty humor. I would rather it had been nibbled to death by ducks, but there you have it.

When I was a child, I caught a fleeting glimpse.
Out of the corner of my eye.

I turned to look, but it was gone.
I cannot put my finger on it now.
The child is grown, the dream is gone.

I have become
Comfortably Dumb. :)
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Postby Edhelanna » Thu Jul 19, 2007 11:28 pm

Ah yes, Pink Floyd...

So, any plans to resurrect the fallen, or do we just die in a pile of excrement?
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Postby Johnny_Flett » Fri Jul 20, 2007 8:41 pm

or do we just die in a pile of excrement?


Isn't that a line from the Australian National Anthem?
:P


Hello?
Is there anybody in there?
Just nod if you can hear me...
Is there anybody home?

Relax...
I need some information...first.
Just the basic facts.
Are they ripe enough to burst?
8)


I'm up to it; that is, if you still think you're hot enough (are those stretch marks?) :shock:
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Postby Edhelanna » Sun Jul 22, 2007 10:19 pm

Am I still HOT enough? Cheeky baggage! Of COURSE I am! I burned three villages and an aerodrome the other day, just by flicking my hair!
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Postby Maranwe-Ar-Feiniel » Tue Jul 24, 2007 1:20 pm

I burned three villages and an aerodrome the other day, just by flicking my hair!



Really? Impressive, but... I went on vcation last week. Old Faithful hisself stopped whe I showed my ankles....THe grand Canyon deepened another thousand feet when I wore capris....And the resorts in Hawai'i have been coverered with lava....THats what comes of me wearing a bikini.
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Postby lark » Wed Jul 25, 2007 7:34 am

Wow! That’s pretty hot! :shock: But…I’m so hot, Al Gore is blaming me for global warming. :wink: The putz! :P
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Postby Maranwe-Ar-Feiniel » Thu Jul 26, 2007 7:03 pm

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

That is hot indeed, Lark!!!

:thumbsup:
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Postby Riot » Wed Aug 01, 2007 5:52 pm

Oh yea, I'm so hot, today I nearly passed out from heat exhaustion in my car. (True story.)

So we've established that we're all still hot. (But no one ever really addressed those stretch marks....)

Anyway, how shall we proceed? A party? A quest? A public execution?

Riot
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Postby Maranwe-Ar-Feiniel » Tue Aug 07, 2007 1:53 pm

I say we steal Keth from Dwarves and submit him to a ritual BATH!!! Or any type of bath, really....smelly child... :P
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Postby Johnny_Flett » Tue Aug 07, 2007 9:50 pm

In the Deeps of Time, Amidst the Inumerable Stars...

There was Eru, the One, who in Arda is called Iluvatar; and he made first the Ainur, the Boring Ones, that were the offspring of his thought. But they just weren't sexy enough, so he created the Hot Elves, that were the offspring of his more risque' musings...

Of the Hot Elves, the greatest in strength and deeds of prowess was J_F, who was the mightiest in all parts of the body, in valor, in endurance, in skill, in strength and in subtlety alike. A bright flame, or something, burned within him. The works of wonder for the glory of Arda that he might have wrought, had he not the attention span of a two year old, only Manwe in some measure might conceive.

It was he that summoned all of the Hot Elves of Middle Earth to their new home. And those that were hot enough heeded his call, and passed into the bitterest North, and endured the terror of the Helcaraxe and the cruel hills of ice. Few of the deeds of the Noldor thereafter surpassed that desperate crossing in hardihood or woe, except perhaps the return crossing when it became apparent that he had botched their directions, and their new home lay far to the south in the tropical regions of Middle Earth.

"What the hell took you so long?!" he asked incedulously, when they finally dragged their bloodied and beaten carcasses to the gate. Only their extreme exhaustion stayed their hands from rending him into a thousand, bite-size pieces.

"Welcome, my friends, to the Pleasure Dome! The Greatest Hall that Middle Earth has ever seen!" he declared, with much bravado, when they had eaten, bathed and reassembled in one of the many great rooms. J_F sat himself down onto a large, throne-like chair at one end of the hall, before a huge, stone fireplace. There was a loud SNAP, as the chair immediately buckled beneath him, as if made from balsa, and pitched him backwards so that he cracked the back of his great head against the stones of the great hearth.

"Cheap...Piece...of...CRAP!" he snarled, struggling to his feet and hurling the shatterd throne into the fire, where it dislodged several large stones. They could see he was bleeding rather profusely from the region of the brain stem. One side of the mantle had also fallen loose, and that end now lay smoldering on the hearth.

"You are all equally hot, and you are all...equally...here..." he stammered, fixing them with a dull stare and massaging his temples. "But who among us is the hottest? That seems to be the one great question left unanswered in this Fourth, and Dullest of Ages. Sure, there are monsters, and evil, and orcs, and crap like that...but that's all been done to death. And of rings and Silmarils..." he waved his arms frantically as if fending off a swarm of biting and stinging insects.

"The object of our quest, which shall usher in the Fifth Age, the age of pure and unmitigated conceit...is...THIS!"

He held aloft a crumpled parchment; upon it was drawn a crude, oval shape.

"You dragged us all the way across Middle Earth, twice, to look at a dented egg?" Maranwe chimed.

"I say thee...NAY!" cried Flett, rising to his full height as the mantle behind him crashed to the ground and burst into flames.

Behold Nimphelos! Jewel of the Sea and the Prize of the Lord of Belegost! It is the greatest pearl in all of Middle Earth, and it's sheen is as starlight on a sea of foam, or Some Such Nonsense!" Most of the color had now drained from his face, and he tottered on his heels.

"She who wears the magical stone shall be the NIMPHO; the greatest vision of beauty and glory that has ever been seen, in or outside the realm of Valinor! And everywhere she who wears it walks, the land shall be light and fruity and filled...with...fairies?"

"I think he means 'fair and fruitful and filled with light'" someone stage-whispered.

"Yeah. What she said. How's abouts it lady-folk? Who wants a pearl necklace?" he spake, before pitching forward onto his face.
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Postby lark » Fri Aug 17, 2007 11:20 am

“Aw, isn’t he cute when he’s unconscious?” :D Lark said affectionately as she pulled her husbands smoldering feet out of the fire. “So, she who wears the pearl will be called “Nimpho.” J_F calls me that all the time. Must be because he thinks I’m so beautiful!” :wink:

Riot and Mara exchange knowing and somewhat disgusted looks. “Er, yea. So where are we supposed to find this thing?”

With a shrug, Lark started looking through the papers J_F left lying on the table. “I can’t read elvish.” She said at last, handing the parchments and maps to Ed. “All I know is I’m tired of the water. :evil: If we have to go by boat, I’m not going!”
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Postby Johnny_Flett » Sat Sep 01, 2007 8:13 pm

The ensuing firestorm completely obliterated the Pleasure Dome; it seems that by the fourth age rolled around, most, if not all of the skilled elvish craftsman* has sailed off into the West as far as their rickety, foundering ships would take them.

The she-being-hotties, having dragged their host clear of the maelstrom, retired to the Grotto: a nearby, scenic collection of talans and cottages that surrounded a small lake formed by a waterfall. They found plenty of provisions therein, including a clear and sweet liquid which the elves called Strawberry Moonshine. Blissfully unaware of it's potency, they were all soon completely inebriated, and thus did not know that their charred and handsome host had arisen from the ashes. Nor did they hear his loud cursing of 'those damnable, rat-faced, elvish contractors' as he burned his flesh searching through the glowing rubble. Nor did they care when his smoldering, well-built frame set off down the low road to the harbor, carrying a large, smoking sack over his shoulder.

He entered the Blow Hole, his favorite grog shop in the small fishing villiage, and was immediately struck by the overpowering aroma of pipeweed and spirits. He made his way to the bar, walking past rows of pine-topped tables, stained and worn smoother around the edges, their surfaces dented by a thousand thumped jugs and pots. The earth floor was as hard as stone, and the bark had long been rubbed from the sapling legs of the tables, so that they shone like bones in the yellow glow of the lanterns.

Behind the bar the bottles on the shelves were interspersed with exotic gifts from sailors. There was a brig in a gin bottle, a flying fish dried and varnished, an albatross's beak mounted on the vertebrae of a shark to make a walking-cane. The were drawings, too, mostly of naked women, and one in charcoal of Galadriel's head with a harpoon through it.

The tables were packed with customers; a great variety of fishermen, whalers, sealers and merchantmen from all over Middle Earth. Flett could hear at least a dozen different languages amid the din, talking, laughing, swearing and spitting. It wasn't long before a fight broke out; it came from the corner where he had seen about a dozen lanky, Southron war-shrimpers, easily recognizable by the long shrimp forks dangling from their hips. A Southron and another patron were grappling with knives amid cheers and laughter from the crowd. The Southron quickly found himself on his back on the table; his knife hand held at the wrist, his other hand fastened to the table by his opponent's knife. Flett approached the victor, who had now relieved the Southron of his knife, and was sitting atop his chest downing shots of Rot-Gut.

"We sail at dawn", Flett spoke, as he dumped the contents of the sack onto the table. "I might need you on this one."

Riot smiled when he held up the singed bear skin; she downed another shot, retrieved her knife with a final, malicious twist, and they set off towards the compound to Shang-Hai his unsuspecting guests.



* if such animals ever existed; the Professor may have somewhat embellished this point. Any society that was fond of open fires yet still built predominately out of wood was bound to be a constant blaze. Even the dim-witted dwarves were astute enough to realize the strength, durability and inflammability offered by stone. When Azaghal, the Lord of the Dwarves of Belegost and last known owner of the blessed pearl Nimphelos, was once asked if he wouldn't hire some elvish carpenters to build a temporary shelter for him, his reply is still well known by almost every school-age child of the West: 'Not by the hair of my chinny-chin chin.'



You ladies may take this opportunity to have some fun at the Grotto; before I have my way with you! 8)
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Postby Riot » Thu Sep 13, 2007 6:19 pm

Brilliant post J_F...that's a hard one to follow up. Written on cold meds and powedered sugar.

***

It was somewhere between the great quest of hotness and the shiny pearly bits that Riot found herself sidetracked. It happened from time to time, and while the hot elves were gallivanting across flowery, bright meadows, their pale dainty feet cushioned by delicate balls of goat crap, she had had many a great and inspiring adventure, though come the next morning she remembered them naught. Indeed, the nights where one remembered moments of beating the snot out of a cheap Elvish artists, painted luminous and mad with sweet lead paint, and then some black spots, and then hurling bright liquidy chunks all over some dwarf who didn't make it out of the lavatory in time, and then more black spots, and then falling asleep on a giant mound of stinky pillows, only to awaken with compost up one's nose...ah, those were the truly epic nights where half-baked memory serves one the best...

But there she was, taking a watered down version of body shots (one needed to have a body for every shot that was taken), waving knives and forks as no one trusted her with spoons...the Southron made a funny strangled noise, like she was crushing his ribs with her knees or something...

There came a familiar form that she had not seen in however long her short term memory could recall.

"Fabio?"

"Close enough," J_F nodded. "We sail at dawn." And from his sac was now exposed, a great horrifying hairy mass of dark color and smells best left unimagined that struck fear into all those who were not of the alliance. Then he pulled her bear skin out of a bag. "I might need you on this one."

Riot felt a warm, happy, almost familiar feeling rising from the center of her being. She smiled happily at J_F, and let a nauseous and extremely flammable rip on the Southron before drinking another shot and retrieving her knife.

The Southron later died of methane poisoning.

***

"Now follow my lead," Ballerina Borsloth instructed, the gap in her teeth wide enough to fit a Silmaril through.

The fair and fickle maidens watched in fascination as Ballerina smeared the stinky brown nanny-berries across her face.

"This all-natural and organic face mask softens the skin and makes one look ten years younger."

"If I looked ten years younger, I'd look illegal," Ed scowled.

"If I was ten years younger, I'd be illegal," Mara replied cheerfully.

Lark rolled her eyes.

"It also has a distinctly peppery taste and delightful consistency..."

***

Astride their fiery mounts Bonny Johnny Flett and Riot the Wiot rode east. And when they finally stopped arguing about who would ask for directions (it was Reaver...and maybe J_F doing a bit of ventriloquy, though he would not admit to calling Riot "a fat hairless spider monkey who needs to cut back on the twinkies lest she crush my spine." )

And so, astride their fiery mounts, Bonny Johnny Flett and Riot the Wiot rode west, finally coming upon a meadow filled with dancing nymphets, their dresses low-cut and their faces smeared brown.

Without bothering to stop, J_F effortlessly seized Lark, by slender delicate waist, in one arm, and Edhelanna in the other, and accidentally trampled Ballerina Borsloth, though no one could really say they noticed. Riot yanked Mara up by the scruff of her neck and only sort of succeeded, dragging the screaming elf maiden for half a hogshead before finally stopping to sling her over the saddle.

"Where are going?" Lark wondered breathlessly.

"To the Phallos! Our fair and elongated ship of dreams!"

"Wut?" Was all Mara could sputter.

"I don't like boats," Ed complained.

"But you have buoyant built-in life preservers," J_F complimented.

"So where are we going?" Lark asked intelligently. "On the Phallos?"

"I'll take you around the world," J_F offered.

"If we take your directions again, that's probably how it will be," Riot muttered.

"...There she is!"

A slim light yacht bobbed seductively in the harbor.

"...Why do we always end up in boats?"

"Dunno, Nimphalos is a pearl...does this mean we can go pearl diving?"

"Sure why not."
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Riot
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Postby Johnny_Flett » Tue Oct 09, 2007 7:13 pm

Is it October already?

I'll have the next one up soon; I figure I have until mid-November before Ed shows up. The poor thing; it simply takes too much effort to post once she has rocked her bottom to comfort on the cushions. :)
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