The Land of OOC ... Chapter One - A Word Aside

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Postby Harvestar » Fri Sep 28, 2001 1:34 am

LOLAPMP!!!!!<BR><BR><i>As Harvi lifted her sword above IH, tuile blew her whistle which broke her concentration. Harvi hesitated, trying to regain the lost concentration. "I think I remember what that book was saying", she thought. "When you wavelength calibrate your Hubble Space Telescope spectrum, your HeNeAr lamps need..." "No, not THAT book!" "If attempting to disentangle a person who badly attempted the warmup for Flamenco, please see Diagram 3A." "Yes, that book! Dang, now what was it that Diagram 3A said? Insert Tab A into Slot T? No, that was the cardboard box assembly instructions... Carve across the left breast, making an arc to the wing? No that was for turkey carving... Um, well..." </i><BR><BR>
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Postby Volcanus » Fri Sep 28, 2001 5:42 am

Well..................this is very funny.Crispy I would just like it if you could add me to your posts.I want to see what jokes you can make of me!!Thanks<BR><BR>your pal,<BR>VOl
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Postby ~Turin-Turambar~ » Fri Sep 28, 2001 8:04 am

<i>(OOC to the Land of OOC ... - A Word Aside: What the heel, i'll write something. I need some comic relief and I cant concentrate on writing to my other threads... here Volcanus...)<BR>--------<BR><BR>Suddenly the door to Arwens place opened again and DJ Volcanus and all the dancing girls and some tall guy in Men In Black suit and glasses and with a big black sword walked in. ]<BR>Volcanus looked around wondering where the music he heard came from...<BR><BR>Volcanus- "Ok, I heard the theme for</i> I Dream Of Jeannie <i>in here. I have to check if it was played by a bona fide DJ."<BR><BR>Turin- "Yes, and I am from ASCAP and I am here to collect artist royalties for playing said music in a public place."<BR><BR>Arwen (doing some limber bending while reading script, straightens up) "Now wait a minute! This is my place!"<BR><BR>Turin- "Yes maam, but ..." *pulls out a phamplet of ASCAP and RIAA copyright rules and regs* "..when music is played to a gathering of 5 or more, royalties for public performance will be collected. That is $20 for the month, and there is more than 5 people here.<BR><BR>Liana lemonflower- "I wanna dance to I Dream Of Jeannie.... Hey these girls are wearing my thong! Hey! She gots a utility belt with hers!"<BR><BR>Volcanus- "Hush hun... you will get your chance to dance, and they must of had a sale on leopard paint..."<BR><BR>Arwen- "Well, Raven played it, she can pay it"<BR><BR>Raven- "Twenty dollars?? Um.. maybe I could come down to the club and we can work it out?? <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif"border=0>"<BR><BR>Turin- "Ok maam.... Hey, was that guy trying to dance the Flamenco?"<BR><BR>Snowdog- "Great!" *rips script out of Arwen's hand while she is preoccupied with the DJ, ASCAP, and dancing girls invading her home* <BR>"I was wondering what to do in the scene <u>before</u> Raven gets sacked."<BR><BR>Arathorn- *looks at the dancing girls* "Great! More girls to sack!"<BR><BR>undomiel- "Sack me! Sack Me!"<BR><BR>elora- "No, meeee!"<BR><BR>Liana Lemonflower- "And meee!"<BR><BR>Lady of Rohan- "Mee Tooo!"<BR><BR>Arathorn- "I guess I could stay a bit longer..."<BR><BR>Snowdog- "no,nO,NO NO!, wrong script! Thet's the Castle Anthrax!!"<BR><BR>Mrs Took- "I dont underspam"<BR><BR>Isildurs Heir- "AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!"<BR><BR>Harvestar- "OOps"<BR><BR>tuile- "Oops.. I pulled when I should have pushed..."<BR>
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Postby Snowdog » Fri Sep 28, 2001 8:51 am

Snowdog made a little edit to the part for Arwen and gave the page back to her. "Try <i>that!</i>" he said smiling!<BR><BR>Meanwhile the painted leopard thong girls all started to bellydance in unison to the hummed tune of I dream of Jeannie, since Raven hasn't paid up yet.<BR><BR>As tuile goes dancing at the end of the leopard-thong chorus line, she has ahold of IH's foot, Harvestar is moving his other leg and he looks like a wishbone, hence the scream.<BR><BR>Crispy is halfway into the air conditioner looking for a Greek Nymph.<BR><BR>Mrs Took is draining any leftover liquid from the empty spam can.<BR><BR>Terry D llololololololol's through the room in a broken field step, dodging dancing girls, swords, Flamenco tangles, and many pairs of soiled boxer shorts.<BR><BR>Raven pulls a 20 out of her thong band.."How did this get here?" she says with a chuckle, "Maybe Andrea was wearing these last..."<BR><BR>Arathorn is reading the latest re-writes... "I dont know if I can keep up...."
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Postby MrsTook » Fri Sep 28, 2001 1:33 pm

<i>Mrs Took is confused as to how she can be belly dancing and draining the spam can at the same time. Especially since the spam can was last seen with Crispy when she threw it in the air to avoid being trampled.</i><BR><BR>Oh well!! <i>She says and turns the music up a little louder.</i>
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Postby eliana » Fri Sep 28, 2001 2:19 pm

<i>pretty much everything stops when crispy goes flying out of the air vent and eliana crawls out</i><BR><BR>i wasnt yelling hello you idiot, i was yelling help! you too busy calling me echo to realize that, but no matter, i made it out, no thanks to you. <BR><BR><i>she looks around at the flemenco mess, the dancing girls, the laughing maniac, the script crazed few and the copyright people and scratches her head.</i><BR><BR>seems to be an aweful lot of role playing for an aside thread, oh well, hey um mt, any spam left? or do i need to go back to my stash in the vent?
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Postby MrsTook » Fri Sep 28, 2001 2:24 pm

<i>MT stops belly dancing (if that is in fact what she was doing) and looks and Eliana.</i><BR><BR>Well, Crispy said there was only one can left in the fridge and I ate it. So maybe you should go back and get your stack.<BR><BR><i>As Eliana goes back to the air vent to get her stack of spam, MT follows her and hides a couple cans in her leopard print thong (which is NOT painted on). It was barely noticeable through her jeans.</i>
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Postby crispycreme » Fri Sep 28, 2001 3:14 pm

<i>Ted sat behind the giant, illuminated command console from which the operations of TORC could be monitored and controlled. It had been a rather pleasant shift thus far. The delays were minor, the inappropriate innuendos were few and far between, the tempers in the Movies forum hadn't flared up to an unreasonable point, and TORN hadn't out-scooped them in several days. A pleasant shift indeed. He sighed and leaned back in chair.<BR><BR>"What's that blinking light over there?" asked Jonathan, who had unobtrusively walked up behind him.<BR><BR>"YEEEEARRRGGHH!!" yelped a startled Ted, almost falling out of his chair. "Don't sneak up on me like that!"<BR><BR>"Sorry," said Jon sheepishly. "But isn't that the warning light for the Prancing Pony forum?"<BR><BR>Ted looked over at the indicated light with a slight frown on his face. After a brief second, he quickly switched on the intercom. "Ops Center to David, Ops Center to David, come in David."<BR><BR>"David speaking. Go ahead Ops."<BR><BR>"We have a Code Yellow in the Prancing Pony, David. I repeat, a Code Yellow. Confirm transmission please."<BR><BR>"Affirmative," said David. "Code Yellow in Prancing Pony. Advise on possible punitive action, Ops."<BR><BR>"Exploratory and intel gathering only at this time, David. Do not take any overt action. Evaluation of situation only."<BR><BR>"Affirmative. Name of thread?"<BR><BR>"The Land of OOC...Chapter One - A Word Aside," said Ted. "Possible refusal to adhere to the strict guidlines of Free Form Role Play."<BR><BR>"It's as bad as that, eh? What assets do we have already in place?"<BR><BR>"Star-of-Hope is already at the scene, but it's possible she may be outnumbered. Do you realize the severity of the situation, David?"<BR><BR>"Aye. Misuse and misrepresentation of the hallowed ethos of role play. It doesn't get much more heretical then that, Ops."<BR><BR>"Agreed. Evaluate and report, David. Ops out."<BR><BR>Ted set down the microphone and looked up at Jonathan. "Do you have any of those Alka-Selzer tablets with you? It's going to be a long night after all."<BR><BR>MEANWHILE<BR><BR>After being unceremoniously thrown out of the kitchen, Crispy decided to investigate Arwen's bookshelf. After glancing quickly by such titles as "War and Peace", "Paradise Lost", and "The Canturbury Tales", he discovered a very worn and dog earred paperback lodged rather discretely in the corner of the shelf. He pulled it out and looked at the cover.<BR><BR>"Hey Arwen," Crispy said while waving the book around in the air, "why would an author's name be 'Anonymous'?"<BR><BR>"GIVE ME THAT!" yelled a red faced and embarassed Arwen...<BR><BR>Crispy started prancing around the over-crowded room holding the book up as high as he could, taunting "Arwen reads Anonymous books! Arwen reads Anonymous books! Arwen reads Anon.."<BR><BR>***CLANK!***<BR><BR>Crispy fell backwards with the flat end of a frying pan smooshed into his face.<BR><BR>"Thanks," sighed Arwen.<BR><BR>"Don't mention it," replied Raven. Us 'anonymous' readers have to stick together."<BR>
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Postby Snowdog » Fri Sep 28, 2001 6:46 pm

Snowdog throws out the script altogether and gives up, pushing the 'delete' button. He notices Crispy playing 'keepaway' some paperback from Arwen. Arwen does a Kareem Abdul Jabbar Jump and tips the paperback and it flies from Crispys hand. Snowdog grabs it and looks at it. "Hey! this isn't anonymous! it was written by someone named Pearl!" Snowdog ducks some flying boxers and as he looks up, he sees the secret warning lamp on, indicating that a moderator is reading the thread, so he continues....<BR><BR><i>"Um... how is the tea ladies?"
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Postby Volcanus » Sat Sep 29, 2001 3:54 am

<i>Vol then thinks it is time for him to go and change a little of the script.He goes into the bathroom where Snowdog is quietly sitting in Arwen's tub in a fuzzy robe writing out and changing the script.<BR><BR>As soon as he sees Vol,he screams and throws the script up.Volcanus catches it and makes a few alterations.A second later Arwen is running intot the bathroom and the next minute chasing snowdog.<BR><BR>The door swings open and Lord V is standing there.He says,"I heard someone shrieking."He sees Snowdog in trouble and so he.........<BR><BR><BR>(OK I am sorry,I don't know how to end it.Could some one do it?!~)
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Postby Xatia » Sat Sep 29, 2001 7:28 am

<i>Xatia, walking innocently down the forum, looking at various threads, noticed a huge orange light flashing over a quick-growing OOC thread towards the top of the page. Recognising the alert as some mod. action, she dashed towards the thread. Who would want to miss this?<BR><BR>As she aproached, she noted the size and consistency of the alert light. This must be one heck of a threat. Then she could make out the Author's name... C... R... I... S... CRISPY! No wonder! She ran even faster in a desparate attempt to arrive in time to warn the denizens of this strange OOC thread...<BR><BR><BR>She reached the door of the thread and cautiously peered in. At that point something hit her, hard and as she spun around she made out a TerryD, helplessly loling all over the thread. Holding her arms in front of her face she stepped in and yelled:<BR><BR>"Look out! The mods are on to you!"<BR><BR>At this moment sirens of approaching mods were heard all the way up and down the forum.<BR><BR>"Too late! Try to look inoffensive!" cried Xatia as she rushed behind a Flamenco Flamingo...</i><BR><BR><img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif"border=0><img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif"border=0><img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif"border=0>
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Postby tuile » Sat Sep 29, 2001 10:04 am

<i>Tuile spins around at the Xat-tinator's (HI!!<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif"border=0>) entrance with IH's foot in one hand, a crowbar in the other, a mighty leopard's thong around her...erm..waist!!, sparkly platform shoes, and a HOT pink boa ((harvie's)) around her neck.. <BR><BR>"Somebody's looking for trouble???? Well.."<BR><BR>Tuile fumbles around her ultility belt (which was kind of hard to do with a foot in one hand and a crowbar in the other...) looking for the appropriate weapon to ward off the impending doom charging down the board..or maybe just a pack of bubble gum..<BR><BR>IH tries to "help", and Tuile smacks him off with his own foot. She finally locates the small pouch and after swinging the crowbar under arm just missing Harvie and wacking IH inadvertantly with it in the process, she whips out (in slow motion of course) the terrifying, gargantuan, blasphemous,... </i>
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Postby InnocentEvil » Sat Sep 29, 2001 7:00 pm

Domoderatrix?<BR><BR>That one is going into the sig!?<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-devil.gif"border=0>
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Postby Star-of-Hope » Sat Sep 29, 2001 7:08 pm

<i>SOH siddles out of the room and meets David in the forum hall.<BR><BR>Whispering they contrive a strategy to deal with this infamous poster the crispiest of creme. David smiles and a nods alot.<BR><BR>Xatia, looking out the door sees Elfie, Orc Overseer and Innocent 'the Dominatrix' Evil joining them. Great peels of laughter can be heard coming from the mod squad as they confer by radio telephone with Jonathon and Ted.<BR><BR>"Right sir, bringing him in", David is heard to say, SOH and InnE enter with Elfie and Orc Overseer standing guard at the door, they drag the hapless Crispy Creme down to the Mod room, where Jon and Ted quickly inser the micro chip they have prepared."Welcome to the 'Mod Squad', CC" they say as the Mods are heard to laugh hysterically.....</i>
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Postby ElvenArcher » Sat Sep 29, 2001 7:35 pm

Elfie comes back into the room, looking stern and disapproving, and carrying a large sack.<BR>"I would like to remind everyone that Tolkien Online is a FAMILY FRIENDLY site."<BR><BR>The sack opens to reveal several large bathrobes. EA begins handing them to all the thong dancers.<BR><BR>"Thongs," says EA, "are NOT family friendly."<BR><BR>After more stern, disapproving glares, EA drops the sack on the floor and leaves.<BR><BR><BR>
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Postby Star-of-Hope » Sat Sep 29, 2001 7:42 pm

<i>Star and InnE can be heard laughing in the forum hall, and Crispy Creme is seen walking back into his thread with a mask like expression on his face...</i>
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Postby Lady_of_Rohan » Sat Sep 29, 2001 9:08 pm

<i>LoR enters the room covered with leaves, mud, and an annoying rock stuck in her shoe. Looks around at all the Mods and sinks to the floor.</i><BR><BR>Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?? <i>she wails.</i> I just got done riding for 20 miles. I'm tired. I'm sore. I'm covered in leaves from where I was hiding out in the woods from guys who were trying to hunt me down. I thought I could find a cup of coffee and a bagel to relax with. But noooooooooooooooooooo! Of course not! I had to come in during a thread bust.<BR><BR><i>holds her hands out in front of her</i> Please, take me away. The role playing is too much for my system. <BR><BR><i>LoR looks up and spots MT now modeling a pink zebra stripe bathrobe.</i> MT! I'm having a nervous breakdown trying to rescue you from those orcs!<BR><BR><i>Suddenly she realizes that there are a lot of people looking at her. Gets an embarassed little grin on her face. Laughs nervously.</i><BR><BR>Ah, hehe, H-hi everyone. Yeah, I'm... I've worked too many hours at the Pony this week.
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Postby crispycreme » Sat Sep 29, 2001 10:20 pm

<i>Crispy returned to the room after having his brain operated on and his mind altered. He looked around the room with kalidescope eyes...<BR><BR>LUCY IN THE SKY.. <BR><BR>Oops..<BR><BR>He looked around the room with vacant, staring eyes. Various people - of both genders, unfortunately - were quickly donning bathrobes to cover up their animal print thongs. Crispy smiled goulishly as he jerked in a lurching manner over to Snowdog. "Script needs editing," he said in a monotone voice.<BR><BR>"What in the blazes are you talking about, Crispy?" said a perplexed Snowdog. "This script is Cezanne. It's Mozart. It's Chaucer. It's sublime artistry at its finest. You're asking Donatello to cover up part of his statue of David, for crying out loud!"<BR><BR>"Psst," said Arathorn quietly. "You mean Michaelangelo."<BR><BR>"Same thing!" replied a nonplussed Snow. "I refuse to cater to the lowest common denominator when my integrity as an artist is on the line!"<BR><BR>"Your WHAT?" cried an incredulous Isildur (who was now - I think - finally untangled). "That's the biggest line of poopyness I think I've ever had the misfortune of allowing my eardrums to absorb!"<BR><BR>"Must revise script," intoned Crispy, his eyes starting to twirl in a hypnotic fashion.<BR><BR>"The part he'd written in there for me is fine the way it is," offered Arwen rather sheepishly.<BR><BR>"There's no ducky in this bathtub!" cried an indignant Volcanus from the restroom.<BR><BR>"For crying out loud," muttered MrsTook, looking at the refrigerator in disbelief. "How can anyone keep less then a years supply of Spam in their home? The nerve of some people!" However, she found a can of boiled okra near the back of the fridge, so her testiness was appeased somewhat.<BR><BR>The PETA representative stood there with a triumphant smile on his face after rescuing the rubber ducky from its undignified fate.<BR><BR>"Script bad, Disney good. Chatterly bad, Seuss good. Metallica bad, Boone good. Simpsons bad, Smurfs.."<BR><BR>"ENOUGH ALREADY!" said an irate Snow. "You asked for it!" He immediately started scribbling some lines into the script. A few minutes later, all looked on in aghast... </i><BR><BR>
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Postby Volcanus » Sat Sep 29, 2001 11:45 pm

<i>Vol comes running out and yells at Arwen,"You don't have any soap,shampoo nor a rubber ducky"<BR><BR>Everyone looks shocked at Arwen.She then kind of embarased says,"RUBBER DUCKIES MAKE ME SCARED".<BR><BR>Vol just then pics up crispy and says,"Hey crispy-doo-dle where did you go????"<BR>Snowdog angrily walks up to him and says,"You fool thats not in the script."Volcanus and crispy just look shocked.<BR>Just then MT drops her new found can of spam where every one can see it.WHHOOPSI~!!!</i>
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Postby LiMuBai » Sun Sep 30, 2001 12:20 am

brmffpht ... i'd like to add my own bit but .. hrmphft ... i can't stop ... phlmphrth ... laughing!!! ...<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif"border=0><img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif"border=0><img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif"border=0>
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Postby Xatia » Sun Sep 30, 2001 2:04 am

<i>Xatia review the situation and sets up a small hospital in the corner for the loled victims of this thread.</i><BR><BR>You don't have a rubber ducky? That's sacrilage! That's... that's... well, I dunno, but something really bad!<BR><BR><img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-tongue.gif"border=0><BR><BR><i>Xatia looks around the room and then down at her Xat x00t s00t. Stealthily she presses a small button on the belt and the s00t morphs into a rather fetching bikini outfit and a long trenchcoat. Satisfied that she fits in somewhat more with her surroundings she looks about for some FUN to join in with...</i> <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-devil.gif"border=0><BR><BR>Look out! The MODS took CC! They have tampered with him!<BR><BR><i>Crispy lurches slowly across the room towards her and she sees the kaleidoscoping colours in his eyes. He is walking unsteadily and looks as though a terrible doom has been pronounced over him... one that he is refusing to accept on at least one level...</i><BR><BR>What IS it, Crispy?<BR><BR><img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif"border=0>
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Postby IsildursHeir » Sun Sep 30, 2001 10:03 am

<i> IH tears off his shirt. "Easy ladies, this is the time for work , not love." He rips it in two and forms a splint out of his sword. He gets to his feet, the pain is excrutiating. But for what he is about to do, it is worth it. Tuile, seeing what IH has in mind, tosses IH her copy of the script. He walks up behind Crispy and whacks him in the back of the head. Crispy's eyes glaze over, and roll up in the back of his head. "Look at the pretty birdies," says Crispy just before he passes out. Crispy falls to the floor with a clunk. "OK, we only have a few minutes before he comes to. Let's get to work." Xatia and Tuile hold Crispy down while IH pulls what appears to be a very small Rottweiler from his pocket. The dog looks to be the size of a bee. "He is a chip retreiver. OK boy got find that chip." IH inserts the dog into Crispy's left ear. A few seconds later the dog returns. "Hey boss, it's empty in there! No brain at all." IH declares "I knew it!" IH pulls out a tiny magnifying glass and gives it to the dog. "OK boy, try using this." The dog reenters Crispy's ear. After what seems like forever the dog comes back out with the chip in his mouth. "So you found his brain?" "Nope just this chip lying on the floor." IH takes the chip from the dog. He examines it closely. "Oh my God, here is his brain." It appears that the chip is strapped to the brain. The chip is about 4 times the size of the brain. IH separates the brain from the chip. He crushes the chip. "That should solve the problem of the Mods interference!" Just then a strong wind blows through the room. Crispy's tiny little brain is blown from IH's hand. "OH NO! I dropped his brain! Nobody move!"
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Postby Snowdog » Sun Sep 30, 2001 10:28 am

Snowdog looks uop from the script and sees all the moderators standing there, and Crispy with a chip installed is one of them, and Snowdog tears it all into confetti and says, <BR><BR><i>"I quit"</i><BR><BR>He stands up and dhands everyone the backup script...<BR><BR><i>Snowdog: "So everyone, how is the tea??"<BR><BR>tuile: "It is fine!"<BR><BR>Xatia: "I will read the leaves!"<BR><BR>Lady of Rohan: "Just wnhat I need after a lon dday in the Pony"<BR><BR>Volcanus: "I want iced tea!"<BR><BR>Mrs Took: "I want a warm-up"<BR><BR>Arathorn. Turin, and all the ladies from Club 103:<BR>"MMmm.. earl Grey, I want more!<BR><BR>Arwen: 'Is that allwe are going to do is drink tea???"<BR><BR>Crispy, with an obvious bug in his programming:<BR><BR>*flutter-flutter* flutter-flutter* *flutter-flutter*<BR><BR>Snowdog personally serves Elven Archer, Star of Hope, and Innocent Evil a cup of tea. He says then,<BR>"Thats it for me, you all have to write yor own scripts now. ANd he walked out the door and shut it.
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Postby Arwen740 » Sun Sep 30, 2001 10:36 am

oops, sorry Snowdog, didn't see you there. I edited. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif"border=0>
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Postby InnocentEvil » Sun Sep 30, 2001 11:03 am

<i>Checking carefully as she turns a corner, IE makes very certain she isn't being followed into the BOWELS OF TORC. Her stilletto heels make a hollow clicking on the stone floor. The long black whip she favors swings at her side. From somewhere on her skin tight black leather body suit, she produces a ring of keys. Very evil looking keys. <BR><BR>As she sorts through the Evil Keys, she begins counting doors in the passageway "One left, yes, one right. Two left. Yes Yes. Two right. Ahh.. here is it.. Third door on the left of the right." Again, she checks for possible spies in the corridor. When satisfied that she's alone, IE inserts a key into what appears to be a crack in the wall between two sets of doors. The sound of stone grinding on stone echos up the hall as a hidden door swings out from the wall. A stranger eerie light floods the hall from the newly open door.<BR><BR>IE steps into the secret chamber and pulls the door shut behind her. The room she enters is huge and filled w/ that strange green light. All along the wall are huge flower pots. Strange plants can be seen growing in each pot, each w/ its own huge 'glow light' overhead.<BR><BR>"OOOh.. and how are my babies today?" Evil croons lovingly as she begins to inspect the first plant. It's huge green leaves and vines climb the damp wall behind. Hidden in the leaves on each plant are pods in various stages of development. Some of the pods are quite huge and the skin has become transparent. Growing w/in can be seen what appear to be the faces of very familiar posters: Isuldur's Heir is only a little green, nearly full grown. Tuile is still a miniature w/ leaves for arms and legs. But each of the 'Pod Posters' is growing nicely.<BR><BR>IE moves to the corner of the room where a kettle is brewing on the coals of a fire. Stacked next to the kettle are piles and piles of deleted threads and edited posts. In a cage on the far side of the room there are grubby captives. If one looked closely they might recognize HelpingFriendlyBook and roninscot2 amongst the filthy bedraggled faces. Jars in a shelf next to the cage are labeled "John Goatleaf" and "Innkeeper" amongst others.<BR><BR>She lifts a ladle out of the stew and sniffs. Tossing in a few more deleted posts, she stirs. Crossing to the shelf, she chooses a few jars containing the remains of 'long lost posters.' <BR><BR>Chuckling to herself, IE begins spooning some of the contents from the jars into the kettle. "Long lost indeed," she laughs wickedly. "Not lost to ME, are you fellows?" The captives cringe and some cry out pitifully.<BR><BR>IE ignores them and then ladles the evil brew into a watering can. Smiling softly to herself she gives each plant a healthy helping of the deleted post stew and sings sweet words to each little pod.<BR><BR>"You're going to be good little posters, aren't you? All prepared to do My Will. We'll never have to write another warn, never edit another post. Ahh.. the boards will be peaceful and I will finally get that promotion."<BR><BR>IE gives one final pat to a pod containing the body of the missing Goatboy and heads for the hall. Once back in the corridor, she carefully locks the door and sneaks back out of The BOWELS OF TORC. The tap of her stiletto heels fades and the corridor is locked in gloomy silence once more.
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Postby ElvenArcher » Sun Sep 30, 2001 11:36 am

ElvenArcher walks purposefully and severly down the halls of TORC. Suddenly, his two way wrist computer beeps.<BR><BR>"Yes, boss?" he asks.<BR><BR>"We've got an alert up here, " says Ted from the control room. "One of the mods, out of an appropriate family friendly uniform"<BR><BR>"It's IE again, isn't it?" asks EA, frowning. He goes to a nearby locker, pulls out a sack containing the standard moderator kit: bathrobes, soap for naughty mouths, scissors for editing, and a ray gun for vaporizing threads. His eyes narrow, recalling that IEs gun shows a suspicious number of charges used. He adjusts his Canadian Mounties Hat, and glances back at his wrist computer. Touching a few buttons, he finds the little map with the blip that is IE blinking on it.<BR><BR>Soon he catches up to her, walking up a normally unused hall.<BR><BR>"Please," said EA not at all politely. He hands her a bathrobe. "TORC is a family friendly site! No leather, no whips, and ONLY Ted is allowed to wear heels! You know this!"
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Postby InnocentEvil » Sun Sep 30, 2001 12:03 pm

<i>Somehow making a plain cotton terry bathrobe look evil, IE is pouting the corridor when her wrist computer beeps.<BR><BR>"Evil to base." She snaps into the microphone, "WHAT?!?!?!"<BR><BR>Jon's smooth calm voice comes through clearly, "IE, we need you at the command room on the double. You're out of uniform again."<BR><BR>"Dang that Doodely Doo-Right!" she mutters and stalks off down the hall.<BR><BR>Jon is waiting for her as she comes through the blast doors on the command room. The movement of the doors is strangely reminiscent of something off a George Lucas set. R2D2 and C3PO chitter in the corner while watching blips of Snowdog and Orodreth move about the TORC community.<BR><BR>"IE, we've talked about it. Ted doesn't like anybody kyping his look. Besides, what will the posters think. Now you know all moderators must wear appropriate attire, either 'educational, puritanical or veiled.' With that in mind we've had these uniforms customed designed for you. Each of course, bear the standard TORC logo. Please choose one of these three and stick to it."<BR><BR>Evil rolls her eyes and sighs. Her choices are a typical catholic school girl outfit complete w/ short plaid skirt, white blouse and black patent leather shoes, a cloth sack and a vieled outfit designed in the same style as "I Dream Of Jeannie."<BR><BR>Throwing out a hip and planting one little fist on it, IE launches into a full throated tantrum about the choices. "But I GOTTA wear heels, Jon. I'm only 5'2". If I dont' wear heels I won't be tall enough to be intimidating."<BR><BR>"I'll give you a soap box to stand on. You know we have plenty just lyin around in Properties," Jon fights back. <BR><BR>"Butt Jon," says IE.<BR><BR>"Did you just call me BUTT JON???" He looks threateningly at the Evil One a murderous glare in his eyes.<BR><BR>"It was an honest typo. Honest."<BR><BR>IE whines and Jon insists. IE pleads while Jon heartlessly shakes his head.<BR><BR>Two hours later, IE emerges from the command room. Her red hair is parted into two braids, her knees show just below the hem of a blue plaid skirt. Her feet are clad in black patent leather shoes w/ little ankle socks on. The only concession to Evil allowed left to her are the little bats embroidered on her socks and the little black bats attached to her braids.<BR><BR>Harrumphing poutily, she stalks back up the corridor, stopping at a secret cubby to retrieve her whip.<BR><BR>"They can make me dress like a ninny, but they can't make me arm like one."<BR><BR>
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Postby tuile » Sun Sep 30, 2001 12:08 pm

LOLOL!!<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif"border=0><img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif"border=0><img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif"border=0><img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif"border=0><img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif"border=0><BR>This is great!!<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif"border=0><img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif"border=0><BR>I'm a thong-wearing, bathrobe-coveruping, tea-enjoying, IH-detangling, Crippy-knockouting, Hot boaed, mini-Pod Poster!!<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif"border=0><img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif"border=0><img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif"border=0><img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif"border=0><img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif"border=0><BR><BR>And TED!!!LOL<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif"border=0><img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif"border=0><img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif"border=0><BR>I had no idea....<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-tongue.gif"border=0><img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif"border=0><img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif"border=0><img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif"border=0><img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif"border=0><BR><BR><i>Tuile gulps down the rest of her tea and dashes around the room, flashing with her bathrobe...</i>
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Postby ElvenArcher » Sun Sep 30, 2001 12:32 pm

ElvenArcher heads back up toward the Movies corridor, but pauses at the passage down to the Prancing Pony. <BR><BR>"I wonder if they are still wearing their bathrobes?" he thinks.<BR><BR>He turns and walks briskly down the PP hall, and enters the Land of OOC. <BR><BR>To his surprise, everyone is stock still, and staring at the floor. He walks in. Something squishes under his mountie boot.<BR><BR>He lifts up his shoe, and looks. "Was someone chewing gum in here?" he asks?<BR><BR>All faces look towards him, horrified.<BR><BR>"And why," he continues, "Is Crispy just lying there?"
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Postby InnocentEvil » Sun Sep 30, 2001 12:51 pm

Tuile, you aren't a pod person YET. When the pod I'm growing w/ your replacement is fully ripe, I'll have you kidnapped and your pod will take over in your place. No one will ever notice. Then I'll proceed to use your 'remains' to grow yet more Pod Posters. <BR><BR><b>BWAAHHAHAHA!!!</b><BR><BR><i>IE bumps runs smack into Doodley the ElvenArcher Mountie Wannabe as she hurries into the room.<BR><BR>"IH was trying to remove the microchip that YOU people had installed in his brain and now LOOK!" points Arwen, "My BELOVED is brainless!"<BR><BR>"As if he wasn't already brainless," scoffs IE. "The solution is simple. All we have to do is find a substance w/ roughly the same chemcial composition and intelligence as Crispy's brain." She struts back out of the room, skirt swishing and her black shoes somehow still makeing the same click as her old stillettos.<BR><BR>The occupants of the room stand around for a few minutes wondering what to do. Pretty soon they get to looking at ElvenArcher who is busily scraping Crispy's brain off the bottom of his shoe, polishing his ray gun and brushing up on The Top Ten Most Obscure Rules of TolkineOnline. They begin advancing on him menacingly. <BR><BR>IE returns just in time w/ a pastry tube of something in her hand. The posters try to look casual and EA glances up innocently, totally unaware of the immenent danger he's been in all along.<BR><BR>"Here. I found something that should serve as an adequate replacement for his brain. Actually, it tests out a little higher on the IQ side than the original."<BR><BR>She leans over, places the tip of the tube in crispy's ear and pushes some Pink Marshmallow Frosting into Crispy's cranial cavity.....
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