A year after the War of the Ring, several of the members of Elrosar’s eored (with the addition of Eohelm the half-Elf and Ketha the hobbit) were summoned to Crestdale by Gandalf, who informed them that they were all strong in the Force and that they were to be trained to become Jedi Knights, then accompany him to Angmar, where Saruman was training men to use the Dark Side of the Force. (His clone was the one that had been killed in the Shire.) During the training, Lark’s husband Ranthim was acting very strange (even for him), and the others began to get suspicious of his motives when a trap was set in Elwing’s and Rowyn’s room. After this, the padawans left Crestdale to begin their journey. On the way, they were attacked by a Rancor; Lark’s sister, Ilfrith, was killed and Adrial was badly wounded. They hurried to Lothlorien so the Elves there could help Adrial, and Ranthim left them at the borders.
Shortly after reaching Lothlorien, they discovered that their old friend Natan (now Darth Plushy) had turned to the Dark Side when he killed a Lorien Elf that was with Rowyn. Elrosar also learned that Adrial had been keeping a secret from him that was preventing her from recovering—he’d had a twin sister and they had been separated as babies when an inn caught on fire. Soon after he discovered that Lark was his long-lost twin. In the meantime, Ranthim, also known as Boba Flett, and his associate Darth Cantankerous (or Riot), began formulating a plan to kill Elrosar’s sister. They also managed to make half-Balrog half-Hutts, or Butts.
One massive credit-card bill later, Lark discovered she was pregnant, everyone went to an Elf party, Rowyn nearly got Force-choked by another Sith (who was killed by Natan), they were joined by Robin (a daughter of the Valar), Rowyn’s twin brother Haleth, and E2U2, a droid that Celeborn had built. The padawans were made full Jedis, and they left Lothlorien to go to Moria.
On the way to Moria, they were attacked by wild men heavily armed with things such as hair appliances and various fruits. During the battle Lark learned that Ranthim had sent them, much to her dismay. Elwing was captured but was rescued by Borin the Dwarf, who joined their company. DC then attacked the valiant company with a flying Butt, but was foiled by some quick thinking from Adrial and Rowyn. The Rohirrim were unhurt except for some singed hair, but an attempt to fix it with some Elven hair products left the unfortunate Elrosar with hair as green as a flag of Rohan.
In the meantime, DC, DP and BF all finally met up at Moria with a plan to stop the Jedi (if they could stop fighting with each other long enough.)
The Rohirric Jedi arrived in Moria without further incident, and soon stumbled across a horde of StormOrcs and another Butt, which they defeated by blowing it up. Then they stumbled into the midst of a Dorc (half-orc, half-dwarfs—Borin was not
happy) football game, where the girls (minus Elwing, who was too busy watching the game) defeated the Dorcs without any help from the guys (and managed to rescue the live pigskin to boot). Not to be outdone, the guys attempted to win Iron Chef Moria by cooking a young Watcher, while the girls went exploring. They discovered a trap that Natan had set for Rowyn, which backfired when the girls captured him. Then, after the group was reunited, Master Gil’s mind was taken over by the Dark Side and he kidnapped Elwing. The Jedi and the Sith began a game of chess, while Rowyn went after Elwing, and was forced to take Natan with her. The two of them managed to trap Gil in a hole to wait to get his mind back (he remains there to this day), then Natan double-crossed Rowyn and kidnapped her; Elwing attempted to follow and was captured by Ranthim. The chess match degenerated into an epic battle involving mithril-plated cockroaches, pygmy cave trolls, and (of course) more Dorcs and Butts. The Jedi finally escaped, and Lark confronted Ranthim, only to learn that Saruman had ordered him to kill Elwing because Elrosar’s sister was to have a child so strong in the Force that Saruman himself could not withstand him or her; in exchange, Saruman would give Ranthim the key to immortality so Lark could live forever. Lark told Ranthim that she was also Elrosar’s sister, and he ran away.
Elrosar and Eohelm caught up to Natan, who was about to escape with Rowyn, and in the resulting duel Natan lost a hand (and Rowyn lost her hair). Rowyn attempted to leave the Jedi, thinking it was too dangerous for her to stay with Natan following her, but the girls stopped her. They formulated a plan to trap Natan, and went to carry it out while the guys were distracted with the Redneck-Hai that Ranthim sent. The roof of the cavern caved in and Rowyn suffered a head injury that gave her amnesia and turned her into a Mary-Sue, and she spent the next several hours scaring the men out of their wits and infuriating the women. Natan, claiming he had turned from the Dark Side, rejoined them, and once Elwing had (literally) knocked Rowyn back to her senses, they left Moria, and had to fight the Watcher. Celeborn came to their aid with the spaceship The Lothlorien Falcon
, holding off the Sith’s Tie-fighters while the Jedi attempted to electrocute the Watcher with a hair-dryer. Then it ate E2U2 and exploded.
They were then attacked by Imperial Mumaks, led somewhat by BF and DC. Elrosar nearly killed himself with desperate heroics, Eohelm turned into Sleeping Beauty and had to be awoken by Mara (which, if they do turn out to be twins, ew), and Natan, trying to prove himself to the rest of the group, managed to get himself carbon-frozen by BF and DC; he remains encased in carbonite to this day. The Jedi themselves made a narrow escape and headed to Rivendell in the Falcon
Finally the companions landed in Rivendell, and after the damage that Celeborn caused with the Falcon landed was repaired, they entered the hidden refuge of Elrond and his elves. Meanwhile BF and DC used Natan, who was still incased in carbonite, as a sled. BF then called up the dastardly and dirty Oakland Raiders to accost the Jedi and the elves.
Elrosar used the Force to sneak and liberate some cheesecakes and brownies from Elrond's kitchens. Borin got lost in the forest, and encountered a tribe of small furry creatures called Ewoks. With the help of E2U2 and another droid named BOB, the Jedi were able to find Borin, and to make allies with the Ewoks.
Meanwhile, two alternate realities intertwined with our hero's Middle Earth life, so there were suddenly Jedi Rohirrim Musketeers. The Rivendell Cardinal was captured, and the Raiders attacked Rivendell at the same time. BF and the Raiders launched flaming Ewoks on the Elven city, and the elves called out their water brigades.
During the ensuing battle Elrosar pulled out the ole Fly 62 Flea 35 play, in which Elrosar scored a touchdown after he caught a long pass from his sister Elwing. The victory came though when after Elrosar scored a touchdown, he engaged the Raiders coach, Ranthim in a duel. Ranthim ended up loosing his head to Elrosar's saber, and Lark was deeply disturbed and Force threw Elrosar into a tree after she sliced off a mole on his arm.
They quickly found out that the Ranthim that Elrosar had slain was really only a clone, but then to all of their horror an army of Ranthim clones attacked the Jedi and Rivendell. Wave upon wave of Ranthim’s died at the hands of Jedi. During a lull in the battle Elrosar discovered a shiny object, that they later discovered was a video game. While Elrosar was playing with it, a living gourd looking like creature fell out of a tree above Elrosar and tried to get the video game back. The video game was a prototype device that Saruman had created that could take over a man’s mind. Sadly Gandalf confiscated the video game, as more Ranthims arrived on the scene.
Rowyn and Elrosar’s stunt doubles were killed by Ranthim during the assault, but thankfully Rowyn and Elrosar had been at the buffet table at that time. Rowyn turned one of the Ranthim clones into Legolas, and several Mary-Sues chased after him. The Jedi then were trapped in a pit, as several clone Darth Cantankerous appeared on the scene. After some more heroics from our Jedi heroes, they freed themselves from the pit and wrecked havoc on the Clones and Raiders. Eohelm, Mara, and Ketha flew away on the Falcon to rescue the Rivendell Cardinal, while the rest headed off for the front lines.
Eohelm, Mara, and Ketha were able to free the Cardinal, but Eohelm discovered that the Cardinal was really Saruman in disguise. Eohelm was tempted by Saruman giving him two black sabers and he fell to the Dark Side. He arrived back at the battle, and Mara discovered that he had turned and engaged him in combat.
Meanwhile the frog like people, the Gungans arrived at the battle and started attacking both the elves and the clones. Elrosar was finally able to get their leader to say the right line, but then Rowyn hacked him to pieces. Meanwhile Mara continued her duel with the fallen Eohelm. The adventure of the Jedi had taken many twists and turns, and it remained to be seen if the Light would prevail over the Dark Side.