Haldir's Diary - chapter 3, so it begins.

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Haldir's Diary - chapter 3, so it begins.

Postby Guest » Tue Sep 16, 2003 12:00 am

Haldir's diary; part 3<P><P>STILL day 3<P>Anyway, I'm standing on the battlements of helm's deep.<P>With the ELVES in the range of fire.<P>Theoden flipped a coin to decide who's troops would get to stand at the front of the wall in the firing range, and guess what? Heads won. The Elves won. I KNOW he cheated. Stupid Rohanic currency; who'd have thought that they'd used the horse symbol on BOTH sides of the coin?!?!<P><BR>Ok... breathe, calm.<P>I've decided: in case I die, I have a will. I don't have much to leave to the world, and I don't know how I'm going to do so, but this comforts me, in a way.<P>Ahem<P>I, Haldir Ammalinde, son of Nunaur, march warden of the Golden Wood solemnly pronounce the following in case of sudden and/or violent death:<P>-I leave all my possessions to my faithful, loyal brothers, who never squealed on me about my crush on Elladan, a long time ago.<P>(Then again, if I die, Rumil and Orophin are probably also dead since they can't fight as well as I can and it took them 479 years to shoot a single arrow - and they both hit Celeborn in the groin.) So, try again:<P>-In case Rumil and/or Orophin are also dead, my possessions go to Galadriel, the mother I never had.<P>(No. Why should I leave my possessions to anyone, especially Green Queen?) Take 3:<P>-If I should die in this here battle, I would like my body to be burnt WITH my beloved possessions into ashes.<P>(Hah! Take that Rumil! You can't have Mr. Honeybunny!! It's my Mr. Honeybunny!! Mine!)<P>...-And my ashes sprinkled in the fair wood of Laurelindorenan, under my tree.<P>(Which is MY tree Rumil! Also mine!)<P>I should die; I would like a messenger to take the following message to lady Arwen Undomiel of Rivendell:<P>ARAGORN IS GAY<P>And the picture of drunk Legolas streaking sent to King Thranduil of the woodland realm.<P>(But ONLY if I'm DEAD; I don't want to face their wrath alive! I'm too young to die!)<P>...Which brings us back to our current situation:<P>We are about to be slaughtered by 10,000 uruk-hai who have never known what a bath is. (Which reminds me of a certain hairy friend)<P>.___.<P>Oh, eru-i'mnervous.<P>My bow is poised. My hand is steady. My first arrow ready to aim.<P>Aragorn calls out to draw the arrows, and I am ready to fire. Legolas mutters some advice about shooting some weak body part of the uruks and expects the whole regiment to hear.<P>I don't care what he says; I'm just aiming for the groin.<P>Somehow, I think we're going to win this battle...<P><P><BR>Oh crap.<P>Some lousy Rohan peasant just fired an arrow, right when we're still at our non-violent stage. i call it the glaring stage, where the whole vibe is basically: 'slaughter us if you can you whiny little--'<P>I was really enjoying the view as well. Ah well, sooner is better than later. I think.<P>Quote Theoden: "so it begins"<P>At least the arrow killed an uruk.<P>Ah well. Must look to the bright side. Only 9,999 evil killing machines to go.
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he he he

Postby Warrior_Maiden » Thu Sep 18, 2003 1:55 am

<p>Ohhh I like these!!! They're so funny!!! I really like it how you've written it from Haldair's point of view too. The guys a spunk and does NOT get enough credit.......anyway, a job well done. <img src="http://www.tolkienonline.com/mb/i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif"border=0> </p>
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*tears streaming down my face*

Postby Elf_Chick » Thu Sep 18, 2003 3:33 pm

<p>I'm laughing so hard I'm about to cry! T hat was soooooooo funny. I loved it </p>
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hilarious!

Postby Gayahil » Fri Sep 19, 2003 2:51 pm

<p>you MUST keep writing this- dont let him die! </p>
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Honeybunny!!!!

Postby shieldmaidenofrohan » Sun Sep 21, 2003 6:54 pm

<p>This is great. I still love the shiny armor. And his will was great. PLEASE DON'T KILL HIM!!!!!! </p>
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last

Postby Elrohiril » Mon Sep 22, 2003 3:08 pm

<p>Blech, that is so stupid </p>
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Don't burn Mr. Honeybunny!

Postby Lalaith-Elerrina » Mon Sep 22, 2003 3:43 pm

<p>No! Save the poor fluffy-- thing! <BR><BR>What's up with that comment by Elrohiril? </p>
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Hilarious!!!

Postby Cayin » Wed Sep 24, 2003 5:22 am

<p>Please don't let him die, this is almost as hilarious as throwing spaghetti in the face of the most hated popular girl in school (how I loved the look on that girl's face <img src="http://www.tolkienonline.com/mb/i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif"border=0>). How can he actually write in his diary when in a battle? Hopefully that's a sign that he lives, cause I'm with Lalaith... DON'T LET MR. HONEYBUNNY BE BURNED!!!! <img src="http://www.tolkienonline.com/mb/i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif"border=0> POst next chappie soon. </p>
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GREAT!

Postby Nawyn » Fri Sep 26, 2003 3:03 pm

<p>Oh, I love it! This is so funny! I loved the will, and Haldir's attitude towards the Rohirrim is the best part of the whole thing. I wonder if there can be a next part - are you going to make him die? It might almost be funny to hear what he thinks about dying.<BR><BR>And Elrohiril - if ya can't say something nice, just shut up.<BR><BR>Post the next part soon! I can't wait for it. </p>
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Indeed

Postby Erniliel » Fri Oct 10, 2003 2:48 pm

<p>That's funny<BR>(I haven't read it yet but I'll take everybody else's word for it) </p>
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Postby balrogthane » Fri Feb 27, 2009 11:52 am

Ro, in her second-ever post on TORC, wrote:Blech, that is so stupid

Nice work there Ro. :rofl: :rofl:

-(----
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Postby Elrohiril » Fri Feb 27, 2009 11:57 am

Thanks BT. :oops: I was a n00b, that's my excuse. :roll:
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Postby frodolives668 » Sat Dec 03, 2011 3:35 pm

NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONON
ONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONo
NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONON
ONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONO
NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONON ONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONON ONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONON ONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONON ONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONON ONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONON ONONONONOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

PLEASE DON'T KILL POOR MR HUNNYBUNNY!!!!!! WHAT DID HE EVER DO TO YOU???? AAAAGGGGHHHHH THE HUMATNITY!!!!!!!!!!!

*Ahem*

Okay, I'm over it.
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