» Tue Sep 16, 2003 12:00 am
Haldir's diary; part 3<P><P>STILL day 3<P>Anyway, I'm standing on the battlements of helm's deep.<P>With the ELVES in the range of fire.<P>Theoden flipped a coin to decide who's troops would get to stand at the front of the wall in the firing range, and guess what? Heads won. The Elves won. I KNOW he cheated. Stupid Rohanic currency; who'd have thought that they'd used the horse symbol on BOTH sides of the coin?!?!<P><BR>Ok... breathe, calm.<P>I've decided: in case I die, I have a will. I don't have much to leave to the world, and I don't know how I'm going to do so, but this comforts me, in a way.<P>Ahem<P>I, Haldir Ammalinde, son of Nunaur, march warden of the Golden Wood solemnly pronounce the following in case of sudden and/or violent death:<P>-I leave all my possessions to my faithful, loyal brothers, who never squealed on me about my crush on Elladan, a long time ago.<P>(Then again, if I die, Rumil and Orophin are probably also dead since they can't fight as well as I can and it took them 479 years to shoot a single arrow - and they both hit Celeborn in the groin.) So, try again:<P>-In case Rumil and/or Orophin are also dead, my possessions go to Galadriel, the mother I never had.<P>(No. Why should I leave my possessions to anyone, especially Green Queen?) Take 3:<P>-If I should die in this here battle, I would like my body to be burnt WITH my beloved possessions into ashes.<P>(Hah! Take that Rumil! You can't have Mr. Honeybunny!! It's my Mr. Honeybunny!! Mine!)<P>...-And my ashes sprinkled in the fair wood of Laurelindorenan, under my tree.<P>(Which is MY tree Rumil! Also mine!)<P>I should die; I would like a messenger to take the following message to lady Arwen Undomiel of Rivendell:<P>ARAGORN IS GAY<P>And the picture of drunk Legolas streaking sent to King Thranduil of the woodland realm.<P>(But ONLY if I'm DEAD; I don't want to face their wrath alive! I'm too young to die!)<P>...Which brings us back to our current situation:<P>We are about to be slaughtered by 10,000 uruk-hai who have never known what a bath is. (Which reminds me of a certain hairy friend)<P>.___.<P>Oh, eru-i'mnervous.<P>My bow is poised. My hand is steady. My first arrow ready to aim.<P>Aragorn calls out to draw the arrows, and I am ready to fire. Legolas mutters some advice about shooting some weak body part of the uruks and expects the whole regiment to hear.<P>I don't care what he says; I'm just aiming for the groin.<P>Somehow, I think we're going to win this battle...<P><P><BR>Oh crap.<P>Some lousy Rohan peasant just fired an arrow, right when we're still at our non-violent stage. i call it the glaring stage, where the whole vibe is basically: 'slaughter us if you can you whiny little--'<P>I was really enjoying the view as well. Ah well, sooner is better than later. I think.<P>Quote Theoden: "so it begins"<P>At least the arrow killed an uruk.<P>Ah well. Must look to the bright side. Only 9,999 evil killing machines to go.