
by
Hama » Mon Jan 31, 2005 1:30 am
Hama (surviving member) (Leastways I assume my member still survives)
Gender: Hama
Joined: I joined when Hama did
Age or age group when joined: Same age as Hama
Most well-known 'title': "Hama"
General stance on Jackson's LOTR: Ranging from a curates egg to a work of art to something I left far to long in the fridge.
Description: (according to Hama)
I joined a very long time ago, back when the internet was a series of very large caves. We used to bang rocks on the wall, and things got complicated when everyone tried to talk at once. So we came up with a packet system. Whoever held the woolly mammoth skull was the only one who was allowed to talk. But it took so long to get the skull from one part of the cave to another, we gave up on the whole banging rocks thing and invented talking instead.
I remember the old days of TORC, when no one was allowed to have any positive opinion of the upcoming film at all, and if you did, you got yourself ripped a new one! They were cheery days, cheery, but spiteful. Newbies were roasted alive, oldbies ate each other for breakfast and no one was allowed to diss Tolkien on pain of death. If you did not know who Lalia the Great was, if you could not name the entire line of the Numenorean kings (in order, with dates, ages and spouses), if you were at all hesitant concerning the nature of elvish ears (pointed or not, leaf like or not), BOY WERE YOU IN TROUBLE!
I have had my mongolian periods, my portuegese periods, my sardine periods, and my 'THE FILMS ARE FLAWED' periods, when I howled my angst from the rooftops and beat my breast all over the forum, before I was taken away to certain secure accomodations in Lowestoft! I have, in my time, crossed swords with purists, revisionists, pragmatists, sceptics, unabashed fanboys/girls, neo-cryptic goths, dwarves (2 of them), Steven Spielberg, John Forde/Horde, anybody who thought Braveheart a fair historical account, anybody who thought Braveheart had anything to do with Scottish devolution, anybody who had a go at me after I had had a go at someone else, anybody who had had a go at anybody else having a go at anybody who had had a go at me, anybody who had joined in the fray too late and had no one else to have a go at and was thus feeling left out and disappointed (I'm generous like that), anybody studiously sitting on the sidelines and refusing to have a go at anybody else (superior gits, that's what they are), anybody who blundered in unsuspecting and making fatuous or obvious remarks ... In fact I had a go at anyone, on the hour, every hour, even if the subject was of no interest to me at all. I just liked venting my spleen.
Being Whistlers arch-nemesis has been fraught with difficulty. The only time I ever stunned him to silence was when I mangoed him on this very forum. I was then reprimanded by a passing MOD for an illegal fruiting. Life is just not fair.
I also annoyed Marty once with a complaint about a montage. I still haven't seen the darn thing!
Awards? Several silly ones!
Nominations? Several silly ones!
Anything further to add? I like fruit. I also like fish. But the most astonishing fact of all is that I now know that all humour derives from just seven basic jokes. One of those is to do with falling over, the rest all involve jelly. Alexei Sayle revealed this to me a long time ago and I have never forgotten it.
Hama.