Will's Spot: The Return of the Wild Rover

[A_Simple_Poet]

So, I'm no longer a poet. But since TORC does not permit a change of usernames and since I'm --er --- on my way to Ringbearer at some point, I must suffer the moniker.

But to all of you who don't know me, I'm Will. To those of you who do, I'm still Will. And like an unnamed Blue Wizard crashing Lindon while Cirdan's courting a lady friend, I'm back.

Where have I been? Is there and back again too cliché? It's going to need to suffice in the short run. In short, I've been in Tamriel (kudos to those of you who know what that means). I've been choking on the ennui of the real world. And I've been trying to write. Especially since this year I turned 40.

So what's it all about, this thread in all of the dim white noise of other Will spawned threads? Well, this one is NOT necessarily literary. I'm no longer the snobbish man of letters I once aspired to be. I'm no longer a regular poet - particularly since most of the verse I craft would be BANNED due to an NC-17 rating. I'm a man about town. I watch a lot of hockey. I became ... a VIDEO GAMER. I drink more than just ale. And I've been told more than once I'm not right ... in the HEAD.

I hoping to re-connect with old friends, make new ones, discuss why Ancalagon the Black is the best dragon anywhere, why Martin Freeman was the best Bilbo ever, and even argue that if a faux dwarf/elf romance can be invented in a Hobbit trilogy than Mewlips should be inserted into a Silmarillion pentad?

Squids are still bad. Silwen is still my touchstone to reason. And I ardently hope you will all NOT be strangers. Cheers.

[Calma]

Will!

So good to have you amongst us once again.
Bit busy right now to go much further into a discussion,
I just wanted to drop in and welcome you back.
And I'll spend a few nights in Bangkok with ya.

See ya!

[Tookish_Traveler]

So.... where's Yul Brynner?

[Vanaladiel]

Will it is great to hear from you once more! I have honestly missed seeing you about the boards. Though I do not understand all the references you used, I am still so very happy to spend time chatting with you about the past, the future or other things in between. Ah you will always be a poet in my book, come hell or high water! Not everyone agrees with every poet on their subject matter and that is okay. We don't all write the same or of the same quality or for the same audience.

So how is life treating you my friend?

[A_Simple_Poet]

Tooksie. I think we know he's not in the Murray Head song I'm referencing.

Calma: When you play at this level it's no ordinary venue. I can feel an angel sliding up to me ...

Vana: You've broached the marrow of topics. How have I been? Or even WHERE have I been?

Well. To address it generally, I can't be so Gandalf as to say "Wherever it is I've been, I'm back." though I may stop just short of that. Let's just say like Frodo and Aragorn I stared at that yawning abyss much longer and deeper and found worse things than balrogs. I found the true nature of myself. I've found hideous aftermath after years of a certain addiction of the mind. I'm living daily with self loathing, self depreciation, and a dragon's hoard of self doubt.

I've turned 40 and done zero with two college degrees (History and Creative Writing: English). I've risen to the Ravenshill of heights (not quite as glorious as King Under the Mountain) in my local transit agency employers ranks and I am bored out of my mind. I've paid off nearly 40 thousand dollars in loans and almost burst a blood vessel doing so. Mrs. Poet continues to have health issues. And I've written tons of poems I dislike doing and yearn to craft fiction though with little zeal to show for it.

And once, some time ago during my TORC absence, I nearly took my own life.

Writers are often troubled souls. TORC is too merry a place for broken ne'er do wells such as me. I would rather TORC go on being merry without my shadow to darken it. I'd like to think I'm emerging from the worst of it, so I've returned hoping for a reprieve from darkness in this merriest of forums.

I have tentative plans for the second half of my life but the baggage from the past is not so easily discarded. I'm like the sighing shadow of Saruman leaving his body after he was killed in the book. And I'm not sure if I believe in Heaven, Valinor, Valhalla, or any sort of chance at spiritual redemption any more.

So if this heavy bit of candidness (is that even a word) doesn't frighten off the best of you, then you are always all welcome here. I try to take it day by day. I try not to engage in bad old habits. And whether or not (like Galadriel) I "pass the test" there's no doubt that I shall remain Will.

Man, I used more LOTR euphemisms than I meant to. Sorry about that.

[Calma]

We all have our demon, Will.
How they are handled is the difference.
Keep chugging along, friend.

[LalaithUrwen]

Well, you got me to post again, Will, so there's that.

[LalaithUrwen]

And, if you and I are ever going to be Ringbearers here, we'd better get cracking!

Of course, I'm nearly a double Ringbearer on b77 and a Ringbearer on HoF, so I have been around here and there.

[Vanaladiel]

Will, the shadows of our past always tends to pop up and try to haunt us with the what ifs and what could have beens. I am thrilled you are here again.

Each day is getting up and putting one foot in front of the other and taking each moment as it comes. I will not fault you for your demons as mine have done a fair share of striking out at me over the years. You say that you did not wish to darken the light of TORC with your struggles but I say that the light of TORC is what can give us new life and hope. I first came to TORC with two options before me. One was to kill myself and the other was to step out into the cold and try to start my life again as a single person with no income, no friends and no family anywhere near by. It really scared the hell out of me. I was hurt by my church and was not sure if I was going to be able to hang on with my damaged faith. But TORC gave me friends, encouragement, hope and a lot of love with friends who are not just fair weather friends but actual people who care about each other. WE have come through a lot here at TORC and have lost some of our dear friends but we are here for each other and I will always be here for you.

I am so very glad that you have come back and that is all I am concerned with at this time. Welcome home to the one who has wandered but found the road home!!!


Hey Lali!!! Nice to see you posting again too!

[LalaithUrwen]

Hi, Vana! It's lovely to see you here again, though I do get to see you frequently on FB.

She has some very wise words there, Will.

And I remember that, Vana. I remember you at the very beginning! We joined at almost the same time.

[A_Simple_Poet]

Thanks a lot for the support, all of you.

Just a quick note today because I'm sleepy. Since I've been gone for some time I'd like to know what's been happening here on the site? It seems diminished a bit. I also probably missed out entirely on all the Hobbit Film input. Yeah ... it's been that long.

Also, what's going on with YOU?

[Vanaladiel]

Well for myself, I am working two jobs and have managed with cashing out my Roth fund, paying off most of my bills. The goal being to get debt free soon.
Ryan is looking to change jobs to something less stressful, hopefully. My health wasn't great this year but have seen several doctors and paid thousands in bills for all their wonderful, cough cough, tests. But am doing better now. Learning right now what it must have been like in Noah's day with all this wind and rain here in the PNW! So very tired of the wind, don't mind the rain so much.


As to the boards, I am not here as often as I used to be. There never was the massive influx from the Hobbit Films as hoped for. Rowanberry passed away in her sleep back in March of 2014. Big shock to us all! We miss her dearly! Many still post but some have moved on or visit less often. Still a nice place to come to and visit with friends! A lot of us have gone to Facebook and keep up there.

[LalaithUrwen]

As for me, I'm not here very often anymore. I'm on b77 or HoF, and I'm on FB. But you know that already.

That does make me kind of sad that this board didn't get more of an influx of posters with the Hobbit movies. The others did not either, but I didn't really expect it as they're a bit more obscure.

[A_Simple_Poet]

I've become almost debt free this year. Just a bit over 800 dollars to resolve in terms of loans. A far cry better than nearly 40,000 three years ago. And I've gained too much weight but I'm hoping to trim back a bit next year.

I just checked out the Hobbit movie area on this site and I was rather surprised that it didn't get a lot of run. I don't know about other LOTR social outlets, but perhaps the franchise is beginning to wane a bit now after it's place in the cinematic sun. I'm kind of okay with that. I'm always fond of telling the casual Tolkien movie fan that I've forgotten more Tolkien then they will probably ever learn.

My big thing is the Elder Scrolls. It's a high fantasy video game series that I'm hoping to use to spring board into some consistent fiction for 2016 (even if it IS only fan fiction). My attempt at NaNoWriMo this year fizzled, but I got a good start and the bones of an Elder Scrolls story/novel in place to try to finish in the New Year.

I'm also giving a thought on New Year's Objectives (I loathe the term resolution because that word implies a vow whereas it's okay not to reach an objective). How about you all?

[Vanaladiel]

I will strive for some goals for the New Year but I wont make them lofty since those rarely come through but I can strive to do better then I did this year or any year before.
We want to exercise more and be more active together with walks and outings. We have taken up thrown weapons and wish to do more with that this coming year. We would like to get away for a stress
free vacation this year. We have not been on a real vacation for several years and we need it.

But I do not make resolutions because I will have something come up that will prevent me from getting it done, so I just work to do better then the year before!

[A_Simple_Poet]

I'm going to diminish my online presence more. (Sounds weird to say it concerning my recent "presence" here over the last few years) But I'm a Twitter-holic. Instead of being proactive with social media I will settle for being reactive. Since I usually initiate most contact with many of my so called "friends" I expect the attempt at reclusion to take care of itself.

I also want to join the SCA.

[Vanaladiel]

Ryan I love being a part a part of the SCA!!

[A_Simple_Poet]

So I got sick over Christmas.

Viral Colitis, they call it. Not the Ulcerative kind, but it might as well have been.

Anyway, I've collected what's left of my innards and spent much of my home time trying to recover, take personal inventory, and struggling mightily not to collapse into utter despair. I've experienced marginal successes on those fronts. Mostly, I've decided to commit to poetry in the short term and place all of my other immediate New Year objectives on indefinite hold until I feel better.

How about you all? How's 2016 been to you so far?

[Calma]

So far so good, Will.
Sorry to hear you were so ill over the Holidays.
Hope you continue to regain your health.
I read a few posts back that had crawled out of your deep debt.
Congrats on that.
My babyman and I did the same about 7-8 years ago.
It feels soooo good.
We'll not be going down that dark and scary road again.
Luck to you on that last 800.

[A_Simple_Poet]

I got that last 800. I just don't want to part with it just yet. Not until there's a little more in the Lonely Mountain that is my wallet. I figure the bank has waited this long, they can wait a bit more. But having paid off the other 35K in about three years? It's finally starting to sink in and feel good.

[Tookish_Traveler]

Maybe we should have a party?

[prmiller]

I am thinking of Will as I write this
experimenting with framing my words

in some kind of avant garde form
people
tell me
is
hip/edgy/chic



not working



I am bounding about in iambs
waltzing in dactylic measures

DUM da da DUM da da DUM da da ...DUM.

my heart beats, my breath goes in and out in some kind of rhythm
I cannot suddenly stop what is natural
and go gritty.

even so as I read your poems Will my special friend
you observe the tick-tock of time and up-down of waves

with allusions and intentions and cultural references
that make me peer out between the lines of foolscap
as precisely that...a fool...I was going to say Salieri
but I don't think he wrote poetry...really.

So, to my special friend poet friend Will
here is my homage to your uniqueness

I am breaking molds measures and forms
to be

different.

[prmiller]

Memo to me
Write poems
Honour Will

Wind chime in autumn
A reminder of coolness
frost needs no wind chime