Ornendil
Ranger of the North
Alliance: House of Hador
Last Visited: 02 Jul 2010
Joined: 13 Mar 2002
Posts: 3435
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Posted: Fri Aug 9, 2002 1:24 am |
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THE COMING OF TÚRIN INTO BRETHIL
EXT. DORIATH - DAY
Morwen is mourning. THINGOL: Do not fear the end unless it’s here. It is not at all sure that your son lies in the mound. MORWEN: Such doubt is the very work of Morgoth! May we not learn the truth, and know surely the worst that we must endure? THINGOL: This is a perilous matter, and must be pondered. Such doubt may in truth be the work of Morgoth, to draw us on to some rashness. MORWEN: Rashness, lord! If my son lurks in the woods hungry, if he lingers in bonds, if his body lies unburied, then I would be rash. I would lose no hour to go seek him. THINGOL: Surely the son of Húrin would not desire that. Here would he think you better bestowed than in any other land that remains. For Húrin's sake and Túrin's I will not have you wander abroad in the black peril of these days. MORWEN: You did not hold Túrin from peril, but me you will hold from him. MELIAN: Go not hence, Morwen. A true word you said: this doubt is of Morgoth. If you go, you go at his will. MORWEN: Fear of Morgoth will not withhold me from the call of my kin. MELIAN: Then go as you wish. The Girdle is not designed to hold friends. DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. BESIDE TEIGLIN - DAY
Túrin sits beside the river drinking water. He looks down into the water on his own mirror image.
CLOSE-UP OF TÚRIN’S FACE
He is torn in mind. TÚRIN VO) Morwen, Nienor, Finduilas. And now my oppressed people calling as well.
He rises up and looks towards Doriath.
CLOSE-UP OF TÚRIN’S FACE TÚRIN VO) Where else better may they be bestowed? Nay, it is better as things be. Let Melian keep them! And I will leave them in peace unshadowed for a while. CUT TO:
EXT. WOODS UNDER THE EAVES OF WETHRIN - DAY
Túrin is looking for traces for Finduilas. TÚRIN: Finduilas! Where do they hold you? CUT TO:
EXT. BOARDERS OF BRETHIL - DAY
Túrin is wandering beside the river Teiglin looking for traces. The sound of an affray is heard. He hastens towards the sounds, and walking warily among the trees he sees a small band of men, surrounded by Orcs, defending themselves desperately, with their backs to a knot of trees growing apart in a glade. The Orcs are in greater number than them. Túrin runs out of sight into the Underwood. There he makes a great noise of stamping and crashing. TÚRIN: (shouting) Ha! Here we find them! Follow me all! Out now, and slay!
The Orcs look back in dismay. Túrin comes leaping out of the forest, waving to the “men” behind him. In his other hand he holds Gurthang flickering like a flame. Many of the Orcs scatter and flee even before Turn comes into close -combat with any. The woodsmen join him. Together they hunt the Orcs into the river where they drown. ONE OF THE MEN: You are swift in the hunt, lord; but your men are slow to follow. TÚRIN: We all run together as one man, and will not be parted.
The men laugh. MAN: (amused) Well, one such is worth many. I am Dorlas. But who are you and what do you in these regions? TÚRIN: I do but follow my trade, which is Orc-slaying. And I dwell where my trade is. I am Wildman of the Woods. DORLAS: Then come and dwell with us. For we dwell in the woods, and we have need of such craftsmen. You would be welcome! TÚRIN: Are there then any left who will suffer me to darken their doors? But, friends, I have still a grievous errand: to find Finduilas, daughter of Orodreth of Nargothrond. Alas! Many weeks is it since she was taken from Nargothrond, but still I must go seeking.
The man looks upon Túrin with a pitiful face. DORLAS: (sympathetic) Then seek no more. For an Orc-host came up from Nargothrond, and we thought then to deal our small stroke in the war, and we ambushed the Orcs with all the bowmen we could muster, and hoped to save some of the prisoners. But alas! as soon as they were assailed the foul Orcs slew first the women among their captives; and the daughter of Orodreth they fastened to a tree with a spear. TÚRIN: How do you know this? DORLAS: She spoke to me, before she died: 'Mormegil. Tell the Mormegil that Finduilas is here.' She said no more. But because of her latest words we laid her where she died. She lies in a mound beside Teiglin. It is a month now ago. TÚRIN: (resolute) Bring me there! FADE TO:
BLACK SCREEN TÚRIN VO) All my deeds and past days were dark and full of evil. But a new day is come. Here in Brethil I will stay, renounce name and kin; and not lay my dark Shadow upon those that I love. My black sword will be put aside and I wield rather the bow and the spear. My name shall be Turambar, “master of doom”. FADE TO:
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FrodotheWise
Ranger of the North
Alliance: The Shire
Last Visited: 15 Feb 2007
Joined: 16 Feb 2002
Posts: 3340
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Posted: Fri Aug 9, 2002 2:16 am |
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Ornie, you are far more dilligent than I am right now. I have done nothing on The Hobbit at the moment. Maybe this weekend. I'm going to print the new chapter out now and hopefully give you my feedback on Monday.
spontaneous thoughts on your casting suggestions: Christopher Lambert? Oh God no. Nothing against the man himself but I can't imagine him in a Tolkien pic. Derek Jacobi should be the narrator. Hurin should be played by someone else. I also wouldn't want Russell Crowe as Turin but I can't think of an alternative at the moment. Anyway, I see you on Monday.
FrodotheWise |
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Ornendil
Ranger of the North
Alliance: House of Hador
Last Visited: 02 Jul 2010
Joined: 13 Mar 2002
Posts: 3435
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Posted: Fri Aug 9, 2002 5:07 am |
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You don't think Christopher Lambert would be a good Húrin? I have to disagree with you there. As far as I can see he fits the role perfectly. Especially the voice. Imagine him saying in his husky voice:
Do you forget to whom you speak? Such things you spoke long ago to our fathers; but we escaped from your shadow. And now we have knowledge of you, for we have looked on the faces that have seen the Light...
I can agree with you on not having him as the narrator though. Derek Jacobi eh... Yes maybe. I don't remember his voice very well at the moment. I'll have to check through my Gladiator video again.
Russel Crowe: The description of him fits Túrin very good, and I have heard many people that want him in the part. What about...Ghâsh... I can't think of one either.
See you on Monday.
-Ornie |
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FrodotheWise
Ranger of the North
Alliance: The Shire
Last Visited: 15 Feb 2007
Joined: 16 Feb 2002
Posts: 3340
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Posted: Fri Aug 9, 2002 5:21 am |
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I still had some time to read this. Quite good as always. You make way too much use of the Fade editing though. A Fade is only done at very specific moments within the narrative of a film and it appears too often in your draft. Insert a simple cut instead or a dissolve. A dissolve is very good at indicating the lapse of time but again be careful not to make too much use of it (something that I have to bear in mind for my own Hobbit draft as well since I love dissolves - I find them the most subtle form of editing).
well, about the casting: we seem to agree to disagree on that matter.

It's just that Russell Crowe strikes me as slightly too old and awkward for the role of Turin. |
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Ornendil
Ranger of the North
Alliance: House of Hador
Last Visited: 02 Jul 2010
Joined: 13 Mar 2002
Posts: 3435
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Posted: Sun Aug 11, 2002 3:15 am |
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THE JOURNEY TO NARGOTHROND
SHOT OF SOME BRANCHES
Water is dripping from the leaves to show that spring is coming. CUT TO:
EXT. DORIATH - DAY
Morwen departs from Doriath. CUT TO:
EXT. DORIATH - DAY
Thingol speaks to a band of elves(thirty elves, ten on horse) with Mablung in charge. THINGOL: Follow now speedily, yet let her not be aware of you. But when she is come into the wild, if danger threatens, then show yourselves; and if she will not return, then guard her as you may. THINGOL: (to Mablung) If she chooses to return, have some of your men follow her. But drive yourself forward to Nargothrond, and learn all that you may.
SHOTS OF MABLUNG AND HIS COMPANY FOLLOWING MORWEN. CUT TO:
EXT. THE SHORES OF SIRION - DAY
Morwen is not sure of the way. She walks over to the water and sticks her hand into it. The water is cold. She walks back a few steps. She looks around, and is not sure where to go.
P.O.V.-SHOT(MORWEN) VOICE FROM BEHIND: (Mablung) Morwen.
Morwen turns around and sees the followers coming out from the bushes. MORWEN: Will Thingol stay me? Or late does he send me the help that he denied? MABLUNG: Both, and to bring news of Nargothrond. Will you not return? MORWEN: No! MABLUNG: Then I must help you, though it is against my own will. Wide and deep here is Sirion, and perilous to swim for beast or man. Follow me rather to the Twilit Meres. CUT TO:
EXT. TWILIT MERES - STARLIT NIGHT
Two elven guards stands, with long spears in front of the river, guarding a couple of small Elven boats. MABLUNG: (to the Elves) Toged i cheryn na Nargothrond tolthad naer nín? [I am on a grievous errand to bring the lady to Nargothrond]
The elves steps aside, letting Mablung and the others pass. CUT TO:
EXT. TWILIT MERES - STARLIT NIGHT
The elves pass over by the small boats. The riders first with Mablung among them, then the Elves on foot and then Morwen watching the others from the last boat. Her boat finally passes, and she steps over to Mablung. MORWEN: Do now as you are bidden and seek for tidings from Nargothrond. MABLUNG: It is yet a long and dangerous way. If you go further, you shall be horsed and go among the riders, and stray no foot from them. CUT TO:
EXT. GREY WOODS
They travel through the grey woods that covers much of the southern plain before Nargothrond. CUT TO:
About the casting:
I will not change my mind about Christopher Lambert as Húrin, but as a narrator I can agree with you: Derek Jacobi is a genious.
You're probably right about Russel Crowe, but I can't think of another one.
-Ornie |
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Ornendil
Ranger of the North
Alliance: House of Hador
Last Visited: 02 Jul 2010
Joined: 13 Mar 2002
Posts: 3435
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Posted: Thu Aug 15, 2002 8:52 am |
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A SPELL OF FORGETFULNESS
EXT. AMON ETHIR - DAY
The arrive at the summit of Amon Ethir, the hill of spies. A great mound, like a hill. It is tree-grown save on the summit. Mablung looks out to the terraces of Nargothrond. No sound can be heard, save for the birds singing in the top of the trees. MABLUNG: Strange! Not a sign of Orcs, nor the dragon.
He turns to Morwen. MABLUNG: I was bidden not to stay you with strength; but also to guard you.
He turns to the riders among them. MABLUNG: Keep Morwen on the hilltop, do not stir until I return, unless some great peril arise. If that befalls, you shall set Morwen in your midst and flee as swiftly as you might east-away, to Doriath.
He departs down towards Nargothrond with the other score of his company. The creep down from the hill; and down to the fields below. They scatter and make their ways to the banks of Narog. Mablung takes the middle way, towards the bridge. He stop and looks over upon the broken bridge. The river is foaming and roaring among the fallen stones.
SHOT OF GLAURUNG’S LEFT EYE
Glaurung has long been aware of the spies. He rises up and comes forth with a great blast of fire. He crawls over the river and chase the scattered men running here and there, and gives forth mighty blasts of fire. The men are drawn to the ground, chased far away and lit on fire by the blasts. Shot of Mablung looking towards Nargothrond. He starts climbing down the slopes down into the river. Glaurung descends over to the hill of spies. CUT TO
EXT. HILL - CONTINOUS
SHOT OF THE VALLEY BELOW
Mist is gathering. One of the riders turns to Morwen. RIDER: Mount!
The rider looks out towards the dragon.
SHOT OF THE DRAGON RIDER: Ride!
They ride with great speed down the hillside. When they enter the mist, an ill wind comes upon them and the horses goes mad. The horses runs wildly this way and that. The guards become dispersed and dashed against trees in great hurt, seeking vainly one for another. Morwen is seen passing near, a grey wraith upon a mad steed. MORWEN: Nienor!
Then she vanishes into the mist.
OVER-VIEW SHOT
Out of the mist is seen a single horse with a rider trying to hold on to the horse. The horse runs upwards the hill. When it reaches the summit, the horse stumbles in its own legs and the rider is thrown. FADE TO:
EXT. SAME PLACE - DAY
The rider awakes. The rider looks around. Behind the rider is heard a dark voice. VOICE: What seek you here?
The rider turns around, looking into the fell eyes of Glaurung the dragon. RIDER: I do but seek one Túrin that dwelt here a while. But he is dead, maybe. GLAURUNG: I know not. He was left here to defend the women and weaklings; but when I came he deserted them, and fled. A boaster but a craven, it seems. Why seek you such a one? RIDER: You lie. The children of Húrin at least are not craven.
A wind comes that makes the rider's hair flows out of the back of the helm. RIDER: We fear you not.
Glaurung smiles. GLAURUNG: Then you are fools, both you and your brother. And your boast shall be made vain. For I am Glaurung!
CLOSE-UP OF GLAURUNG’S EYES
He drives Nienor’s eyes to gaze into them into them.
P.O.V.-SHOT(NIENOR)
All about her becomes dimmed, the sun sickens and a great darkness flows about them.
CLOSE-UP OF GLAURUNG’S EYES GLAURUNG: Go, go, GO. DISSOLVE TO:
INT. NARGOTHROND - HALL
Mablung is exploring the halls of Nargothrond. Glaurung has piled all of the treasures into a large heap in the middle of the hall. Around the pile are the bones of many and elf and man. MABLUNG: (shouting) Dagnir Urchina! [Orcs’ Bane!]
The echoes of a stone being dropped is heard behind him. He looks back looking rather lost. He looks a couple of time around, before he hurries of towards the gate. CUT TO:
EXT. NARGOTHROND. TERRACES - SUNSET
Mablung gazes towards the other side of Narog and spots Glaurung about 200 metres away from the broken bridge. Mablung hurries down to the river and when almost to the other side, he makes notice of the dragon and hides behind one of the rocks. Glaurung therefor, pass him by. But when Glaurung is on the other side of the river he turns around to face Mablung directly. GWINDOR: There you lie like a vole under the bank, Mablung the mighty! Ill do you run the errands of Thingol. Haste you now home to Doriath and speak to your lord of your great loss! CUT TO:
INT. HALL OF THINGOL - DAY MABLUNG: Choose you a new master of your hunters, lord. For I am dishonoured. MELIAN: You did all that you could, and none other among the King's servants would have done so much. But by ill chance you were matched against a power too great for you: too great for any that dwell in Middle- Earth. THINGOL: You were sent to win tidings, and so you have done. It is no fault of yours that those whom the tidings touch nearest are now beyond hearing. DISSOLVE TO:
INT. ANGBAND - NIGHT SAURON: The sack is fulfilled. Nargothrond lies in ruins and the councils of the children of Húrin have been misleading. MORGOTH: (Laughs evilly) Good! CUT TO:
EXT. THANGORODRIM - NIGHT
Húrin sits in his chair with closed eyes.
SHORT TAKES OF A MAIDEN RUNNING IN TERROR
Húrin opens his eyes suddenly. CUT TO:
EXT. FOREST - NIGHT
The maiden is running in terror through the dark forests, tearing of her clothing as she runs, until she is almost naked. CUT TO:
EXT. FOREST OF BRETHIL - NIGHT
Turambar and his men is walking alongside a small path. Turambar stops to look up on the sky.
SHORT TAKES OF THE MAIDEN AS TURAMBAR SPEAKS TURAMBAR: Cast thy cloaks about thee! Storm’s coming. CUT TO:
EXT. FOREST - NIGHT
Nienor is running. She runs until she reaches the mound of Finduilas. There she sees the sun shining through the trees and stops looking up in wonder, as if it is the first thing she has ever seen in the world. With a sudden movement, she is drawn down to the ground.
OVERHEAD-SHOT OF NIENOR LYING ON THE MOUND OF FINDUILAS DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. MOUND OF FINDUILAS - STORMY NIGHT
The woodsmen of Brethil, led by Turambar, comes walking down the path. A great flash of lightening lights up the mound of Finduilas as with a white flame. Turambar startles back covering his eyes, trembling. TÚRIN: No! Upon the mound of Finduilas. A slain maiden.
One of the men runs over to the mound. He takes his hand across the maidens cheek and lifts up her face. MAN: (Calling) Hither, lord! Here is a young woman lying, and she lives!
Turambar comes over, looking down on the maiden with a pitiful face. He takes her by her arms and she opens her eyes. Turambar lifts her up to her feet, water is dripping from her drenched hair. She closes her eyes and quivers a bit. Turambar casts his cloak over her shoulders and carries her away. CUT TO:
INT. THE HUNTER'S LODGE - RAINY
Turambar enters and lays the maiden in a small bed near the fireplace. Dorlas, coming in with him, lights up the fire. Dorlas opens a little cabinet hanging on the wall and pulls out a couple of coverlets giving them to Turambar. Turambar then wrap the coverlets about her. The maiden then opens her eyes looking up on Turambar. A light comes in her face and she smiles. She puts out her hand towards him. Turambar takes her hand and smiles back. TURAMBAR: Lady, will you tell us your name and kin, and what evil has befallen you?
Her smile disappears and she saddens. She shake her head and begins to weep. TURAMBAR: With us you are safe. Here you may rest this night, and in the morning we will lead you to our homes up in the high forest. But we would know your name and your kin, so that we may find them, maybe, and bring them news of you. Will you not tell us?
She shakes her head again. TURAMBAR: Do not be troubled! Maybe the tale is too sad yet to tell. But I will give you a name, and call you Níniel, Maid of Tears.
When hearing that name, she looks up at Turambar. MAIDEN: Níniel. DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. STEEP ROAD - MORNING
The company of men are travelling towards Ephel Brandir. Turambar carries Níniel in his arms. CUT TO:
EXT. THANGORODRIM - NIGHT
MOVING SHOT TOWARDS THANGORODRIM
Camera stops at the bottom of the mountain and starts moving upwards to the top. Húrin sits upon the top.
POV-SHOT
Húrin looks down upon the land beneath him. Mist lies thickly across the lands, but there is one opening beneaht him where he can see the part of the forest of Brethil.
ZOOM IN
EXT. WOODEN BRIDGE OVER CELEBROS - DAY
The company of men are walking across the wooden bridge over the stream.
CLOSE-UP OF NÍNIEL IN TURAMBAR’S ARMS
She shivers and shakes her head as if she is having horrible nighmares. FADE TO: |
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FrodotheWise
Ranger of the North
Alliance: The Shire
Last Visited: 15 Feb 2007
Joined: 16 Feb 2002
Posts: 3340
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Posted: Fri Aug 16, 2002 2:09 am |
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I would change the line of the second outlaw from "The little creep gives me the creeps" to something like "This dwarf frightens me". Then you have a series of shots where we are supposed to see Beleg following the Orcs through different parts of the country and while we don't need to know all the exact details (names of villages etc.), you have to make clear somehow that the forest where the Orcs have set up their camp is Tar-nu-fuin. A credit probably helps or a dialogue between Beleg and Gwindor where one of them says "we have come to the forests of Tar-nu-fuin" or something like that. You get the idea. I also noticed something else, quite surprising actually: when you wrote down Turin's lament for Beleg, I realised that the last three lines of the song (starting with 'The bonds cut, the spirit broken..') are more or less the same that Philippa Boyens used for her Lament for Gandalf which we hear on the Lothlorien piece on the FOTR soundtrack. Since I assume that you have taken Tolkien's original words, it can only mean that Mrs Boyens simply borrowed Tolkien's lines for the film. Check the booklet of your FOTR soundtrack CD: you'll find them there. Funny, isn't it? |
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Ornendil
Ranger of the North
Alliance: House of Hador
Last Visited: 02 Jul 2010
Joined: 13 Mar 2002
Posts: 3435
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Posted: Sat Aug 17, 2002 3:57 am |
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You assume wrong about the Lament. It is I that copyed it from the LotR soundtrack. (I'm too lazy to come up with something myself.) I am going to change it later on though. It would be cool if it was though. Tolkien did create the lament, but only in older version of the tale(Lays of Beleriand). It doesn't fit into the narrative of the Narn. Here it is:
O Beleg, my brother O Beleg, tell me where is buried thy body in these bitter regions and the echoes always him answered ‘Beleg’; yet a veléd voice vague and distant he caught that called like a cry at night o’er the sea’s silence: ‘Seek no longer. My bow is rotten in the barrow ruinous; My grove is burned by grim lightening; Here dread dwelleth, none dare profane This angry earth Orc nor goblin; None gain the gate of the gloomy forest By this perilous path pass they may not, Yet my life has winged to the longer waiting In the halls of the moon o’er the hills of the sea. Courage be thy comfort, comrade lonely!
I will try to follow your advices, see you later. |
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Ornendil
Ranger of the North
Alliance: House of Hador
Last Visited: 02 Jul 2010
Joined: 13 Mar 2002
Posts: 3435
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Posted: Sun Aug 18, 2002 6:25 am |
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EPHEL BRANDIR
WHITE SCREEN MALE VOICE VO) (Brandir) (In Elvish) Fair maiden! Come back to the light! FADE TO:
INT. EPHEL BRANDIR. ROOM - MORNING
Níniel lies in a bed. She no longer looks sick. Turambar enters. TURAMBAR: Níniel!
He walks over to the bed, and takes his hand over her forehead. Níniel awakes. She takes Turambar’s hand down from her forehead and looks at it. NÍNIEL: What is the name of this thing? For in my darkness I lost it. TURAMBAR: (laughing) This is my hand. And by it’s sword, many an Orcs head has fallen from it’s shoulder.
Níniel laughs. NÍNIEL: Lord Brandir has told me the names of all the things. (beat) Save you. What are you called? TURAMBAR: Turambar.
She pauses as if listening to some echo in the word. NÍNIEL: And what does that say, or is it just the name for you alone? TURAMBAR: It means Master of the Dark Shadow. For I also had my darkness in which dear things were lost; but now I have overcome it. NÍNIEL: And did you also flee from it, running, until you came to these fair woods? TURAMBAR: Yes, I fled for many years. And I escaped when you did so. For it was dark when you came, Níniel, but ever since it has been light. And it seems to me that what I long sought in vain has come to me. TÚRIN VO) Haudh-en-Elleth! From the green mound she came. Is that a sign, and how shall I read it? DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. A CLEARING IN THE FOREST OF BRETHIL - DAY
Turambar sits in the grass watching Níniel dancing in the field. CUT TO:
INT. EPHEL BRANDIR - EVENING
Turambar and Níniel sits at each their side of the table eating. Níniel looks up at Turambar. Turambar looks back. DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. EPHEL BRANDIR - NIGHT
OVERVIEW-SHOT OF A BEAUTIFUL LANDSCAPE
The landscape consists of many lakes, rivers and small trees spread around it. The camera pans slowly downwards to reveal a small hill upon which Turambar and Níniel stands. The moon stands so that when the camera has panned all the way down and stops, it (together with thousands of stars) forms the background of the beautiful picture where the two stands.
MEDIUM SHOT OF THE TWO
They are looking each other in the eyes, holding each others hands.
The camera pans to the left until it faces backwards and reveals a person standing in the window of a smaller building at Long shot distance.
CLOSE-UP OF THE PERSON(IT IS BRANDIR)
This take goes on for about 30 seconds. It is however mixed with a few takes of Turambar and Níniel.
He looks up towards the hill with a sad look on his face.
CLOSE UP OF THE TWO TURAMBAR: (soft voice) Do as your heart bids you, Níniel most dear, but this is the choice before me. I will go back now to war in the wild; or I will wed you, and go never to war again - save only to defend you, if some evil assails our home.
Níniel smiles.
NEW CLOSE-UP OF BRANDIR
Behind him is heard the voice of a man. MAN: Dorlas and the rest of the party that wish for war on the Orcs are ready milord. BRANDIR: I’m coming.
He looks out to the two lovers before he turns around and walks out of the room. DISSOLVE TO: |
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FrodotheWise
Ranger of the North
Alliance: The Shire
Last Visited: 15 Feb 2007
Joined: 16 Feb 2002
Posts: 3340
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Posted: Mon Aug 19, 2002 1:33 am |
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I noticed that you have added a couple of shots in which we look back on Beleg's life which is a good idea. "The little creature is scary": Hhhm. This new line doesn't sound right to me either but maybe others like it better.
So Philippa Boyens *did* write the poem on her own and not derived it from Tolkien? Phew.. Ornie, you are getting me in hot waters here!!

I'm going to read Chapter 10 later. At this rate, you are going to finish your draft before I complete mine. I did no work on The hobbit this weekend and the connection to TORC is so slow at the moment that I am not going to risk typing up what I've written on the latest chapter so far and then losing it because the connection could break down again. Which is why I'm going to update only tomorrow or on Wednesday, perhaps with the Bard chapter complete. |
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Ornendil
Ranger of the North
Alliance: House of Hador
Last Visited: 02 Jul 2010
Joined: 13 Mar 2002
Posts: 3435
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Posted: Fri Aug 23, 2002 1:48 am |
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IN HONOR OF TURAMBAR AND NÍNIEL
EXT. EPHEL BRANDIR - DAY BRANDIR: Be not in haste! Think me not unkindly, if I counsel you to wait. NÍNIEL: Nothing that you do is done unkindly. But why then do you give me such counsel, wise brother? BRANDIR: Wise brother? Lame brother, rather, unloved and unlovely. There lies a shadow on this man, and I am afraid. NÍNIEL: There was a shadow, for so he told me. But he has escaped from it, even as I. And is he not worthy of love? Though he now holds himself at peace, was he not once a great captain, from whom all our enemies would flee? BRANDIR: Who told you this? NÍNIEL: It was Dorlas. Does he not speak truth? BRANDIR: Truth indeed. (beat) But not the whole truth; for he was the Captain of Nargothrond, and came before out of the North, and was son of Húrin of Dor-lómin of the warlike House of Hador.
A shadow comes over Níniel’s face. BRANDIR: Indeed, Níniel, well may you think that such a one is likely ere long to go back to war, far from this land, maybe. And if so, how will you endure it? NÍNIEL: Ill would I endure it, but unwedded no better than wedded. And a wife, maybe, would better restrain him, and hold off the Shadow. DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. EPHEL BRANDIR - EVENING
All the men and women of Brethil are dancing and having fun. Turambar and Níniel among them. BELEG: (Loudly) Let the feast begin.
Brandir drags a golden rope to let fall a large curtain, thence revealing many set tables weighed down by the large amount of food. Everybody sits down around the various tables. The largest and greatest table stands at the far end of the court upon a raised ground. There stands two white chairs with high backs. (and other smaller chairs) Turambar and Níniel sits down in the white chairs at the end of the table. Turambar looks at Níniel, she looks back. They set then to eating the great meals that are put in front of them. Then Turambar raise up from his seat. TURAMBAR: ‘Twas well that I did name myself Turambar, Master of Doom, for Lo! I have overcome the doom of evil that was woven about my feet. CUT TO:
EXT. NEW HOUSE UPON AMON OBEL - CONTINOUS
Men of Brethil are cheering as Turambar carries Níniel into the new house. CUT TO:
INT. NEW HOUSE UPON AMON OBEL - CONTINOUS
Turambar kisses Níniel’s brow. They gaze at each other intensely. CUT TO:
EXT. FEAST AT EPHEL BRANDIR - CONTINOUS
Men and women are dancing. Brandir sits alone, glowering and sad. He looks at the window of Turambar's house with a mix of hate and despair. CUT TO:
INT. NEW HOUSE UPON AMON OBEL - CONTINOUS
CLOSE-UP ON NÍNIEL.
She smiles at Turambar, who smiles back. Níniel blows out a candle. The room is now dark. CUT TO:
EXT. FEAST AT EPHEL BRANDIR - CONTINOUS
Brandir walks away. The feast continues. DISSOLVE TO: |
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FrodotheWise
Ranger of the North
Alliance: The Shire
Last Visited: 15 Feb 2007
Joined: 16 Feb 2002
Posts: 3340
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Posted: Fri Aug 23, 2002 2:40 am |
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In a couple of places you seem to have forgotten scene headlines but it should be no problem to fix that. In the battle scenes at Nargothrond you understandably want to disguise Glaurung but when you write that "his presence was felt" it is not clear how you want to convey this to the audience. They may also wonder where all this fire is coming from if not from archers or other warriors. I would try this: write a line about how the fighters look up in horror, have something like an overhead shot on the warriors as the dark shadow of Glaurung falls over them. That could be quite cool, I think.
By the way, I know you have taken my advice and used The Silmarillion's version for Glaurung's dialogue, but I'd like to know how it differs from your Unfinished Tales version since as yet I don't own a copy of Unfinished Tales (but it is on my book shopping list together with Homer's Iliad). I also hope to complete the Bard chapter - I really have to get going with my own writing again. I have neglected the draft for too long now. Hopefully more on Monday. |
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Ornendil
Ranger of the North
Alliance: House of Hador
Last Visited: 02 Jul 2010
Joined: 13 Mar 2002
Posts: 3435
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Posted: Sun Aug 25, 2002 9:31 am |
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The new chapter has been updated following good ol' Frodo's advices. I have also added a dialogue between Morgoth and Sauron. The finding of the helm of Hador is also described.
The first and third chapter has been altered. The whole gift thing is deleted.
-Ornie |
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Nár
Ranger of the North
Alliance: Durins Folk
Last Visited: 17 Jul 2010
Joined: 09 May 2002
Posts: 2770
Location: Banana Republic
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Posted: Sun Aug 25, 2002 11:47 am |
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UP ! |
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Ornendil
Ranger of the North
Alliance: House of Hador
Last Visited: 02 Jul 2010
Joined: 13 Mar 2002
Posts: 3435
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Posted: Mon Aug 26, 2002 8:22 am |
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Thanks for your kind Bump Nár. |
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Ornendil
Ranger of the North
Alliance: House of Hador
Last Visited: 02 Jul 2010
Joined: 13 Mar 2002
Posts: 3435
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Posted: Mon Aug 26, 2002 12:40 pm |
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ORCS COMING
INT. NEW HOUSE UPON AMON OBEL - MORNING
Turambar is lying in his bed, now alone. He looks up at the roof. TURAMBAR VO) Glaurung does not know wither I live! Nor is it known to Morgoth. But for how long? The choices before me are now two. To sit deedless until I am found and then driven forth like a rat. Or to go forth to battle, and be revealed.
A man storms in. MAN: The Orcs are coming. There are news of them plundering villages not far from here.
CLOSE-UP OF TURAMBAR CUT TO:
INT. NEW HOUSE UPON AMON OBEL
Turambar and Níniel are there discussing the events. NÍNIEL: Our homes are not yet assailed. And it is said that the Orcs are not many. And before we came, such affrays were not seldom, and the woodmen held them off. TURAMBAR: I will not go forth. Unless they come to invade Brethil. FADE TO:
EXT. WOODS OF BRETHIL - DAY
Dorlas and a company of Men are moving stealthily through the woods, when suddenly, a rather large band of Orcs ome out from the trees and attack the Men of Brethil. CUT TO:
INT. ROOM. EPHEL BRANDIR - DAY
Dorlas show Turambar his wounds. DORLAS: See, lord, now the time of need has come upon us, even as I forboded. To be counted one of our people you asked. This peril is yours also. For our homes will not remain hidden, if the Orcs come further into our land.
Turambar looks at the black sword standing in the corner of the room. CUT TO:
EXT. BATTLEFIELD. WOODS - DAY
Turambar is waving his sword into the air (as does a great number of men under his command) as smoke rise black into heaven for they had piled up the beaten servants of Morgoth in a great pyre. MEN: Great is the Black Sword of Brethil, for all our enemies are overcome. DISSOLVE TO:
BLACK SCREEN TURAMBAR VO) The die is cast. Now comes the test in which my boast shall be made vain, or fail utterly. I will flee no more. Turambar indeed I will be, and by my own will and prowess I will surmount my doom - or fall. But falling or riding, Glaurung at least I will slay. DISSOLVE TO:
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Nár
Ranger of the North
Alliance: Durins Folk
Last Visited: 17 Jul 2010
Joined: 09 May 2002
Posts: 2770
Location: Banana Republic
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Posted: Mon Aug 26, 2002 2:08 pm |
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"Thanks for your kind Bump Nár"
My pleasure, Ornendil.  Even if I seldom post critics and comments( alas, I'm quite busy to write them properly!) I'm reading both your screenplay and FrodotheWise's. So, at least, I try to be useful bumping them. |
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Ornendil
Ranger of the North
Alliance: House of Hador
Last Visited: 02 Jul 2010
Joined: 13 Mar 2002
Posts: 3435
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Posted: Mon Aug 26, 2002 10:13 pm |
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Nice to hear that people are bumping and reading. |
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FrodotheWise
Ranger of the North
Alliance: The Shire
Last Visited: 15 Feb 2007
Joined: 16 Feb 2002
Posts: 3340
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Posted: Tue Aug 27, 2002 2:11 am |
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well done, Ornie. 92 pages? You are catching up with me: my Hobbit draft is 110 pages long at the moment.
edit: There is one line by Sador where he says that he recognises Turin because he calls Sador by the name of Labadal and that only young Turin used to call him by this name. This line is important since it clears up any confusion about the reason for Sador's multiple names. That was something you hadn't really covered in the previous chapters but now it should be clear to everyone who may have been irritated about that little detail. |
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Ornendil
Ranger of the North
Alliance: House of Hador
Last Visited: 02 Jul 2010
Joined: 13 Mar 2002
Posts: 3435
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Posted: Tue Aug 27, 2002 8:26 am |
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Yes, I was kinda worried about the fact that it takes so much time before it is cleared out, but I see now it will be ok. |
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Ornendil
Ranger of the North
Alliance: House of Hador
Last Visited: 02 Jul 2010
Joined: 13 Mar 2002
Posts: 3435
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Posted: Sat Aug 31, 2002 11:14 am |
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CHAPTER 11 - THE COMING OF TÚRIN INTO BRETHIL
EXT. DORIATH. DAY
Morwen is mourning.
THINGOL: Do not fear the end unless it’s here. It is not at all sure that your son lies in the mound.
MORWEN: Such doubt is the very work of Morgoth! May we not learn the truth, and know surely the worst that we must endure?
THINGOL: This is a perilous matter, Lady of Dor-lómin, and must be pondered. Such doubt may in truth be the work of Morgoth, to draw us on to some rashness.
MORWEN: Rashness, lord! If my son lurks in the woods hungry, if he lingers in bonds, if his body lies unburied, then I would be rash. I would lose no hour to go seek him.
THINGOL: Surely the son of Húrin would not desire that. Here would he think you better be-stowed than in any other land that remains. For Húrin's sake and Túrin's I will not have you wander abroad in the black peril of these days.
MORWEN: You did not hold Túrin from peril, but me you will hold from him.
MELIAN: Go not hence, Morwen. A true word you said: this doubt is of Mor-goth. If you go, you go at his will.
MORWEN: Fear of Morgoth will not withhold me from the call of my kin.
MELIAN: Then go as you wish. The Girdle is not designed to hold friends.
DISSOLVE TO
EXT. BESIDE THE RIVER TEIGLIN. DAY.
Túrin sits beside the river drinking water. He looks down into the water on his own mirror image.
CLOSE-UP OF TÚRIN’S FACE
He is torn in mind.
TÚRIN(V.O): Morwen, Nienor, Finduilas. And now my oppressed people calling as well.
He rises up and looks towards Doriath.
CLOSE-UP OF TÚRIN’S FACE
TÚRIN(V.O): Where else better may they be bestowed? Nay, it is better as things be. Let Melian keep them! And I will leave them in peace unshadowed for a while.
CUT TO
EXT. WOODS UNDER THE EAVES OF WETHRIN. DAY.
Túrin is looking for traces for Finduilas.
TÚRIN: Finduilas! Where do they hold you?
CUT TO
EXT. BOARDERS OF BRETHIL. DAY.
Túrin is wandering beside the river Teiglin looking for traces. The sound of an affray is heard. He hastens towards the sounds, and walking warily among the trees he sees a small band of men, surrounded by Orcs, defending themselves desperately, with their backs to a knot of trees growing apart in a glade. The Orcs are in greater number than them. Túrin runs out of sight into the Underwood. There he makes a great noise of stamping and crashing.
TÚRIN: Ha! Here we find them! Follow me all! Out now, and slay!
The Orcs look back in dismay. Túrin comes leaping out of the forest, waving to the “men” behind him. In his other hand he holds Gurthang flickering like a flame. Many of the Orcs scatter and flee even before Turn comes into close –combat with any. The woodsmen join him. Together they hunt the Orcs into the river where they drown.
ONE OF THE MEN: You are swift in the hunt, lord; but your men are slow to follow.
TÚRIN: We all run together as one man, and will not be parted.
The men laugh.
MAN: Well, one such is worth many. I am Dorlas. But who are you and what do you in these regions?
TÚRIN: I do but follow my trade, which is Orc-slaying. And I dwell where my trade is. I am Wildman of the Woods.
MAN: Then come and dwell with us. For we dwell in the woods, and we have need of such craftsmen. You would be welcome!
TÚRIN: Are there then any left who will suffer me to darken their doors? But, friends, I have still a grievous errand: to find Finduilas, daughter of Orodreth of Nargothrond, or at least to learn news of her. Alas! Many weeks is it since she was taken from Nargothrond, but still I must go seeking.
The man looks upon Túrin with a pitiful face.
MAN: Then seek no more. For an Orc-host came up from Nargothrond, and we thought then to deal our small stroke in the war, and we ambushed the Orcs with all the bowmen we could muster, and hoped to save some of the prisoners. But alas! as soon as they were assailed the foul Orcs slew first the women among their captives; and the daughter of Orodreth they fastened to a tree with a spear.
TÚRIN: How do you know this?
MAN: She spoke to me, before she died: 'Mormegil. Tell the Mormegil that Finduilas is here.' She said no more. But because of her latest words we laid her where she died. She lies in a mound beside Teiglin. It is a month now ago.
TÚRIN: Bring me there!
FADE TO BLACK
TÚRIN(V.O): All my deeds and past days were dark and full of evil. But a new day is come. Here I will stay at peace, and renounce name and kin; and so put my shadow behind me, or at the least not lay it upon those that I love. My black sword I will put aside and wield rather the bow and the spear. My name shall be Turambar, “master of doom”.
FADE TO |
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Nár
Ranger of the North
Alliance: Durins Folk
Last Visited: 17 Jul 2010
Joined: 09 May 2002
Posts: 2770
Location: Banana Republic
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Posted: Sat Aug 31, 2002 1:23 pm |
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"TÚRIN: Bring me there!
FADE TO BLACK"
Excellent! I like this "fade to black" with Turin's voice over.
By the way, *BUMP* for FrodotheWise
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Ornendil
Ranger of the North
Alliance: House of Hador
Last Visited: 02 Jul 2010
Joined: 13 Mar 2002
Posts: 3435
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Posted: Sun Sep 1, 2002 2:16 am |
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Thank you Nár. These are the kind of script tricks I really like because it gives me much more time tahn what would be if I kept what was in the book(Turin visiting the mound of Finduilas, and spending way too much time mourning) |
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FrodotheWise
Ranger of the North
Alliance: The Shire
Last Visited: 15 Feb 2007
Joined: 16 Feb 2002
Posts: 3340
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Posted: Mon Sep 2, 2002 3:58 am |
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Just to let you know that I have now read the new chapter and enjoyed it very much.
I don't know yet when there will be new Hobbit updates since I am currently abroad and don't have my scriptwriting programme with me. But I may well take some notes... Please be patient with me.
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Ornendil
Ranger of the North
Alliance: House of Hador
Last Visited: 02 Jul 2010
Joined: 13 Mar 2002
Posts: 3435
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Posted: Mon Sep 2, 2002 8:36 am |
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The next chapter calls for some true revisionistic work.
From the Silmarillion:
Then Morwen was distraught, and refusing the counsel of Melian she rode forth alone into the wild to seek her son, or some true tidings of him. Thingol therefore sent Mablung after her, with many hardy march-wards, to find her and guard her, and to learn what news they might; but Nienor was bidden to remain behind. Yet the fearlessness of her house was hers; and in an evil hour, in hope that Morwen would return when she saw that her daughter would go with her into peril, Nienor disguised herself as one of Thingol's people, and went with that ill-fated riding. They came upon Morwen by the banks of Sirion, and Mablung besought her to return to Menegroth; but she was fey, and would not be persuaded. Then also the coming of Nienor was revealed, and despite Morwen's command she would not go back; and Mablung perforce brought them to the hidden ferries at the Meres of Twilight, and they passed over Sirion. And after three days' journeying they came to Amon Ethir, the Hill of Spies, a league before the doors of Nargothrond. There Mablung set a guard of riders about Morwen and her daughter, and forbade them to go further. But he, seeing from the hill no sign of any enemy, went down with his scouts to the Narog, as stealthily as they could go. But Glaurung was aware of all that they did, and he came forth in heat of wrath, and lay into the river; and a vast vapour and foul reek went up, in which Mablung and his company were blinded and lost Then Glaurung passed east over Narog. Seeing the onset of the dragon the guards upon Amon Ethir sought to lead Morwen and Nienor away, and fly with them with all speed back eastwards; but the wind bore the blank mists upon them, and their horses were maddened by the dragon-stench, and were ungovernable, and ran this way and that, so that some were dashed against trees and were slain, and others were borne far away. Thus the ladies were lost, and of Morwen indeed no sure tidings came ever to Doriath after. But Nienor, being thrown by her steed, yet unhurt, made her way back to Amon Ethir, there to await Mablung, and came thus above the reek into the sunlight; and looking westward she stared straight into the eyes of Glaurung, whose head lay upon the hill-top. Her will strove with him for a while, but he put forth his power, and having learned who she was he constrained her to gaze into his eyes, and he laid a spell of utter darkness and forgetfulness upon her, so that she could remember nothing that had ever befallen her, nor her own name, nor the name of any other thing; and for many days she could neither hear, nor see, nor stir by her own will. Then Glaurung left her standing alone upon Amon Ethir, and went back to Nargothrond. Now Mablung, who greatly daring had explored the halls of Felagund when Glaurung left them, fled from them at the approach of the dragon, and returned to Amon Ethir. The sun sank and night fell as he climbed the hill, and he found none there save Nienor, standing alone under the stars as an image of stone. No word she spoke or heard, but would follow, if he took up her hand. Therefore in great grief he led her away, though it seemed to him vain; for they were both like to perish, succourless in the wild. But they were found by three of Mablung's companions, and slowly they journeyed northward and eastward towards the fences of the land of Doriath beyond Sirion, and the guarded bridge nigh to the inflowing of Esgalduin. Slowly the strength of Nienor returned as they drew nearer to Doriath; but still she could not speak or hear, and walked blindly as she was led. But even as they drew near the fences at last she closed her staring eyes, and would sleep; and they laid her down, and rested also, unheedfully, for they were utterly outworn. There they were assailed by an Orc-band, such as now roamed often as nigh the fences of Doriath as they dared. But Nienor in that hour recovered hearing and sight, and being awakened by the cries of the Orcs she sprang up in terror, and fled ere they could come to her. Then the Orcs gave chase, and the Elves after; and they overtook the Orcs and slew them ere they could harm her, but Nienor escaped them. For she fled as in a madness of fear, swifter than a deer, and tore off all her clothing as she ran, until she was naked; and she passed out of their sight, running northward, and though they sought her long they found her not, nor any trace of her.
Then Turin meets with Nienor, not knowing who she is...
I want to keep Nienor a secret. Making the audience think that Níniel is just some other girl (as Finduilas)
I therefor intend to have Nienor hiding as one of the riders and not reveal her name until she meets Glaurung (but still we will not see her face) I must find some reason to give the riders helms to hide their faces beneath. Then she will run away straight from Glaurung still having her face hidden.
Does this seem ok to any of you, or should I go all the way and cut all of this out? |
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FrodotheWise
Ranger of the North
Alliance: The Shire
Last Visited: 15 Feb 2007
Joined: 16 Feb 2002
Posts: 3340
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Posted: Tue Sep 3, 2002 12:32 am |
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Well, obviously you can't omit this chapter since Nienor's eventual fate of going mad after she has unknowingly married her brother and given birth to a child towards the end of the story plays a great part in Turin's tragedy. Your idea of having her joining Mablung's men as a rider could work but one would have to see it written down, not as a very detailed draft but as an outline with some rough dialogue perhaps. By the way, the riders could be hooded without being made to look like the Ringwraiths from Rings. |
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Nár
Ranger of the North
Alliance: Durins Folk
Last Visited: 17 Jul 2010
Joined: 09 May 2002
Posts: 2770
Location: Banana Republic
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Posted: Wed Sep 4, 2002 3:35 am |
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UP ! |
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Ornendil
Ranger of the North
Alliance: House of Hador
Last Visited: 02 Jul 2010
Joined: 13 Mar 2002
Posts: 3435
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Posted: Wed Sep 4, 2002 7:42 am |
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Thanks Nár.
I'm trying to write some of the rough cut now, and I tell you, this chapter is a real difficult one. |
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Ornendil
Ranger of the North
Alliance: House of Hador
Last Visited: 02 Jul 2010
Joined: 13 Mar 2002
Posts: 3435
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Posted: Thu Sep 5, 2002 7:54 am |
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I'm practicly finished with the chapter now. Not just the rough cut, but in a finished form. I think it came out good with not many changes needed. I will not publish it until the next chapter is finished though, since they stand so close together. |
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Cosomot-V-Gothmog
Citizen of Imladris
Alliance: Angband
Last Visited: 10 Jan 2003
Joined: 09 Sep 2002
Posts: 62
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Posted: Mon Sep 9, 2002 12:37 pm |
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In my wildest dreams could a select number of the Tales of the Silmarillion be brought to the bigscreen. Although I think the entire Silmarillion could be a 3 part trilogy,even for hardcore fans the insurmountable amount of names, events, places, and stories makes for a near impossible task! But I commend your efforts! The Tale of Turin is my favorite by far,however the most Tragic! I would Like to make some suggestions Tho!
Remember that most people have not read the book, Let alone the unfinished tales..........
When you are done with your script,Get it notarized in its entirety........
Seek legal advice on writing a screenplay on material that is obviously under many forms of copyright protection.....
You may even need permission from Tolkien Enterprises just to adapt it to a Screenplay.........
Be careful.........And good luck! I for one am rooting for you!
Cosomot Gothmog Blaugir "I want a rematch with Glorfindel!" |
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