Third Annual Men of Middle-earth Pageant!

What do you think of Tolkien on the silver screen...? Whether Bakshi, Jackson, Amazon, BBC radio play, or whoever else, come on in and discuss your reflections, opinions, and memories...

Third Annual Men of Middle-earth Pageant!

Postby Ethel » Thu Sep 30, 2004 10:40 pm

Welcome, welcome!

So happy to see a good turnout. We seem to be especially rich in Fëanors this year - I've counted three so far. Or was that two? No matter! All are welcome to this increasingly prestigious event.

First I'd like to thank our lovely hosts here in East Ithilien. Isn't this a beautiful facility, people? Let's hear a round of applause for the marvelous Prince Faramir and his Lady Eowyn!


All righty. On to business. Here's a list of our fabulous contestants and their sponsors:
Aragorn -- Ellienor/Anneri
Boromir -- Silveraven
Brego -- Anthriel
Denethor/Dick Cheney -- Bessthebard
Dernhelm -- Teremia
Faramir/Bookamir/Filmamir -- sylthian
Fëanor Kong -- Ornendil
Figwit -- Farawen
Frodo + Fell Beast -- Lembas_Junkie
Gandalf -- ccmsOrlilvr (sp?)
Gimli -- Eltirwen
Grima -- Old_Begonia
Gwaihir -- jeanelf
Haldir -- Tookish_Traveler
Harry Goatleaf -- ateelah
Huan -- Jude
Irolas -- SueB
Legolas -- Myst_28
Sam -- Primula_Baggins
Saruman -- Dawnamira
Sauron -- Laureanna
Tom Bombadil -- Elwë_Goldenwing
Túrin -- NienorNiniel


Did I miss anyone?

And our esteemed judges:
notlistening
Satch
Mammo
ladyofrohirrim
Tinsel_the_Elf


We'll be having the big WELCOME banquet Saturday night. I hope you'll all introduce yourselves by then and say a word or two about what this pageant means to you. And then it's on to the competitions...

We have scheduled 8 different contests for the month. I think you'll agree that there's something here for everyone to excel at! Contests will change over the weekends and on Wednesdays. We'll be understanding if you fall a little in front or behind of the actual dates... within reason. ;) Here's the schedule - contest details follow:

#1 (Fri, 10/1--Wed, 10/6) ----- Questionnaire
#2 (Wed, 10/6--Sat, 10/9) ----- Creativity Challenge
#3 (Sun, 10/10--Wed, 10/13) ----- Swimsuit Competition
#4 (Wed, 10/13--Sat, 10/16) ----- Arms and the Manly Man
#5 (Sun, 10/17--Wed, 10/20) ----- Talent Competition
#6 (Wed, 10/20--Sat, 10/23) ----- Essay Challenge
#7 (Sun, 10/24--Wed, 10/27) ----- Evening Wear
#8 (Wed, 10/27--Sun, 10/31) ----- Production Number


#1 - Questionnaire (just answer the questions!)
~ Where did you grow up, and what do you remember most vividly about it?
~ What did you want to be when you grew up?
~ Name one thing you miss about your childhood
~ What are some sports or hobbies you enjoy?
~ What do you plan to do when you retire?
~ If you were a dog, what kind of dog would you be (and why)?
~ What word best describes you as a person?
~ Share something that nobody knows about you
~ Have you had your 15 minutes of fame?

#2 - Creative Challenge
Use your creativity to share a favorite moment from the War of the Rings. Songs, poems, stories, pictures, interpretive dances, or handcrafted items would be acceptable in this category.

#3 - Swimsuit Competition
Remember the TOS - nothing too provocative!

#4 - Arms and the Manly Man
Demonstrate your warlike prowess! You may choose to display your mastery of the weapons of war, your understanding of how to conduct a battle, your ability to design a siege engine, effective intelligence gathering, or any other manly warlike skill. (If skill with weapons is your Talent, try to come up with something else for this competition. Just a suggestion.)

#5 - Talent Competition
Demonstrate your unique talent for the judges - whether it be skill with weapons, cookery, the arts, storytelling, song - whatever!

#6 - Essay Challenge
Write a brief essay about the person you admire most, and why. (No more than 250 words.)

#7 - Evening Wear
Show us how you look when you step out on the town!

#8 - Production Number
The title is "Peoples of Middle-earth". You may represent your own people, or choose one you admire (or loathe!) The choice of tune is yours, but you should write your own lyrics. Scoring will be half on costume, half on song.


Each event will be scored on a scale of 1-10. Judges also have discretion to award extra points for special presentations, amusing episodes, dirty trickses, bribes, and/or just because.


So... let's get settled, and let's get started! May the best man, or beast, or WHATEVER win!

And so it begins...
Last edited by Ethel on Fri Oct 01, 2004 5:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby sylthian » Thu Sep 30, 2004 11:12 pm

‘Wow’ exclaimed Mr. syl, ‘would you just look at this place!! That pool – incredible and such a beautiful shade of blue.’

‘Honey, I think that might have been the reservoir’

‘Yeah? Still, what a place. I can’t believe we won tickets – for a whole month

syl sighed but didn’t want to spoil the moment. ‘I’ll wait til we unpack, maybe take a little nap.’ She smiled at her hub and patted his arm as he pulled into the parking spot reserved for them.
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Postby Primula_Baggins » Fri Oct 01, 2004 12:47 am

From the diary of Samwise Gamgee, October 1

Well, I’m off again.

I don’t know as Rosie is pleased, and rightly not. As far as I’ve been, and for as long, and as long as she’s waited for me, to hare off now--and to East Ithilien, which is rightly no natural place for anyone to be (and why they’d go building some big hotel there, with the strange airs and the plants that glow and the things that crawl about in the dark, is not for the likes of me to guess). . . .

But I hear word as Mr. Frodo is going to be there.

Mr. Frodo. Him as I haven’t seen, these long years and more.

I may not see it right--ninnyhammer as I am, and my old Gaffer saw that much clear, he did--

But I know where I need to be. And if it means I have to wear all these velvet clothes and bathing-whatnots that this Primula, this relation of Frodo’s (no doubt on the Sackville side) says I must-- well, then, I will. And if I have to put on some show for the gentry, and say some words she puts out for me to say, why then, I will.

It’s for Mr. Frodo. And that’s good enough for me.
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Postby NienorNiniel » Fri Oct 01, 2004 2:34 am

"Wohoo! We made it in time!" Nienor and Túrin, having just arrived, gives each other a high five in the parking lot. "You must admit," Túrin says proudly, "that it helped quite a bit when Gurthang and I got out of the truck and cleared things up." Nienor pats his arm. "Of course it did. And speaking of Gurthang..."

Grabbing her brother's sword, she quickly (before he can protest) snip-snaps the sleeves off his shirt. "Hey!" Túrin exclaims. "What did you do that for?! I'm gonna get cold!" Nienor hands Gurthang back to him. "To show off your muscles, of course. And you're going to need them now. We have to get my little boy up to our hotel room."

Túrin's desperate sigh is cut short by a small and quite nervous-looking bellboy, asking if he can be of any help. "Yes; could you please take our luggage up to our room?" Nienor asks. "Room 666 ( :twisted: )." The bellboy bows politely, and they start handing him trunks from the back of their truck.

After a while, when all trunks are out, the bellboy asks, "Excuse me, beautiful Lady and handsome Sir, but what is that big thing you have got inside your truck. Do you want it to be taken to your room?"

A twisted grin appears on Nienor's face. "That, my friend, is the love of my life. Snapper is his name. We'll take him to our room ourself. Túrin, give me a hand here..."'

The siblings disappear into the back of the truck, a ramp is laid out, and then they start to pull something large into the open. A squeal escapes the bellboy as he sees what it is; he huge, water-filled tank. And inside it, a shark. A great white shark.

"Nienor, I think our bellboy just fainted..."

As the tank (on wheels) is fully out of the truck, Nienor casts a glance at the still figure on the ground. "Nah, that's no faint, that's a
swoon." She climbs up to the top of the tank and scratches her great white behind its eyes. "'Cause Snapper is the sexiest creature in Middle-earth; aren't you, my little muffin?" Snapper hits his nose friendly against her hand.

"I still can't believe you've brought a shark to MOME..." Túrin shakes his head. "They'll kick us out for this. I'll lose because of this." He sends Snapper an ugly stare.

"Nonsense!" Nienor climbs down again and grabs hold of the rope attached to the shark tank. "There's a squid here already, so why not a shark? Besides, I couldn't leave him behind. We just... can't live without each other...!"

"My sister's in love with a shark..." Túrin grabs his own rope. "Just make sure he doesn't eat anyone, okay?" With that, they make for the lobby, which will probably be... an interesting experience.


[MOME rule #5: Always bring your shark to MOME! =:) ]
Last edited by NienorNiniel on Fri Oct 01, 2004 4:25 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby Tookish_Traveler » Fri Oct 01, 2004 4:13 am

Two tired travelers rode up to the East Ithilien convention center entrance, the scene mobbed with screaming hobbit girls. Two stableboys ran up to take their horses.

“Good luck getting your luggage through that crowd,” one of the stableboys said. “They’ve been here all night waiting for the love of their life to arrive.”

Tooks and Haldir could hear the chant:

FRODO...FRODO...FRODO...FRODO.......

Tooks pulled out a notepad and wrote:

1.Frodo

“Come on, Haldir. Ignore the Frodo fangirls. We’re gonna win this thing.”

But he didn’t even notice….

“Careful with that one!!” Haldir told the convention attendant. “My body lotion and skin care formulas are in there! And DON’T lose that! My bathing suit is in that one. Oh, here. Let me take it…”

Tooks just smiled and followed them into the hotel.
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Postby notlistening » Fri Oct 01, 2004 6:39 am

It seems notlistening is the first of the esteemed judges to arrive. Okay well, esteemed is a bit of an over estimation as no one seemed to notice her arrival on the Shadowfax Express Pony service. A plethora of fangirls barred the entrance to the beautiful EI convention centre. A few were hanging from the Denethor sculpture in the middle of a bright blue water fountain.
She could see mr and mrs sylthian arriving just ahead of her.

"Good, he took the bait...I mean tickets. Faramir should get a really good showing this year, if he doesn't get too whiny. Oops, there's Haldir and Tooks! can't let him see my mail dress. Not before the welcoming Banquet anyway."
notlistening quickly directs a bellboy to take her luggage inside, taking a wide berth around a large white shark!
"hmm, I'll have to check MOME rule no5 with mammo when she gets here. I thought there was a no pet clause."
A second bellboy is needed for the mail dress and judges robes, a boufanted white wig ascew on his head.
"I hope Faramir and Eowyn are paying you a little bit extra for all this." she said, straightening the bow on the wig.
"No, your worship, but we do get to go swimming with that nice Squid."
"That's nice, dear. I think I'll take a nap while the rest of the contestants arrive. Wake me when satch gets here. I want to see her new hairstyle!"
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Postby jeanelf » Fri Oct 01, 2004 6:55 am

Jeanelf closes her eyes as the cargo door opens and a plethera of papers bearing Gwaihir's likeness falls to the ground over Ithilien. "There'll be hell to pay for this, I just know it. But he's threatened to drop me in the middle of Mordor if I don't do this." Jeanelf watches anxiously as the papers fall to the convention center grounds, landing in the pool, swirling to the streets and causing a traffic jam. "I just know he'll be making his grand entrance soon--better get there and lay out the red carpet."
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Postby dawnnamira » Fri Oct 01, 2004 7:18 am

Dawn and Saruman appeared on the edge of the parking lot, Teams 1-5 escorting them.

'I cannot believe you made me walk that far!' Saruman whined, dropping the small bag he was carrying to the ground as he leaned against the wall. Dawn rolled her eyes and readjusted her grip on the white trunk she was carrying.

'We're almost there. And, once we get there, you can be lazy until the banquet tomorrow night.' Dawn said, a hint of annoyance in her voice as she began walking across the lot.

Saruman groaned quietly and followed, his pace slow.

Dawn reached the door of the convention center and looked behind her to see how close Saruman was.


'Hurry up!' She yelled impatiently as she pushed the door open (quite a feat while carrying a trunk, eh?) and went to the desk.

'Dawn and Saruman checking in.' She said quietly as she placed the trunk on the floor.

'Room 139.' The receptionist said, popping her gum as she spoke.

Dawn nodded slightly and sat on the trunk to wait for Saruman and the Teams to arrive.
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Postby SueB » Fri Oct 01, 2004 8:08 am

Dearest Wife:

The competition has begun! They've distributed the required contests, looks like this should be quite a varied event. Between the swimsuit and evening-wear competitions, it looks like it's a good thing I went low-carb this year.

So far I have had no luck tracking down Boromir and Faramir. I have, however, come across a giant eagle, a cat, several Elves, and a squid in our bathtub. I had no idea free squid were included with the room. Unusual, but most appreciated.

Miss B. has gone off to distribute our bribes to the judges. How she got her hands on all those advance copies of the 'Return of the King Extended Edition', I'll never know.

Must close now and work on my questionnaire.

Love,
Irolas

PS Please keep an eye on Junior, if he's anything like I was when I was his age, I just know he's going to sneak off and get something pierced while I'm gone!
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Postby Edhelwen » Fri Oct 01, 2004 8:57 am

Ed stared at her reflection in her full-length mirror and pursed her lips. Maybe red wasn’t really her colour but then, she thought glancing at the dozens of dresses littering the hotel room, what was? Orange was a big no-no, the maroon dress made her look like an escaped orang-utan, the black made her look pasty and the blue was at least five sizes too big letting it all hang out like well, someone letting it all hang out. Red would have to do.
The jewellery wasn’t much better. The earrings were too dangling, the necklaces too flashy and the rings too chunky. If there was one thing that Ed never could get the hang of it was subtlety. Maybe the bright green eye shadow had been a mistake too.
But if you ignored the dress, the accessories and the eye shadow, Ed did look really nice.
Deciding that it would be all right she turned around and walked out her house and into the waiting limo.

An hour and two stops at Tim Hortons latter she was there. Stepping out of the limo, she stepped on her dress, stumbled and fell face first in a puddle.

Finally in the hotel Ed entered the hotel. The bellboy looked at her in horror. Glancing at the glass doors she noticed her mascara hadn’t so much run as sprinted and her hair looked like a seagull had nested in it. Pulling herself up to her full height (which was considerably small) she stalked towards the receptionist.
- I demand the keys to my room!
- I’m sorry, stammered the poor man, I don’t know who you are…
- WHAT! I’m ED!!1 The Gr00pie!!!11
At this point the receptionist visibly gulped.
- You’re the gr00pie? I mean of course you’re the gr00pie! Room 155. I believe Haldir is next door. He can get desperate but don’t worry. If he tries anything we’ll get him castrated. We understand that even a gr00pie has some standards. Ermmm… a bellboy can get your stuff.
- It’s not here yet. I ordered the trucks to bring it over as soon as possible but there late again.
- Did you say trucks?
- Something wrong with that? I have a lot of stuff.
And without a further word Ed stalked to her room.
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Postby jeanelf » Fri Oct 01, 2004 9:04 am

Jeanelf has finally loaded the last set of goats and steer into the freight elevator, holding a handkerchief to her nose to cover the smell. As the elevator rises, she wonders how her life turned out this way. At least she'll be able to escape to something new when she gets her part of the promised prize money. In the meantime, she's looking forward to seeing the promised eye candy (Boromir, Faramir, Aragorn the hunk). The elevator stops at the top floor and she pulls the animals out, looking around her at the menagerie on the rooftop. "This ought to last him a while, though what we'll do with the bones Eru only knows. We'll think of something. Gwaihir's due here in half an hour and I know how he likes to make a grand entrance. Well, at least the brochures have been distributed. Jeanelf looks down as a goat chomps on one of the flyers lying around the rooftop. She looks around at the littered ground and pool wondering if the shark rumor is true .
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Postby satch » Fri Oct 01, 2004 9:31 am

Satch hops out of the limo at the EI convention centre and wobbles slightly on her heels.
"Stoopfid free champagne..." she grumbles to herself as smoothes down her clothes and heaves a bag out from the seat behind her. She admires the venue for a moment through her slightly blurry eyes before jerking her head at the driver waiting with her bags, and walks into the building.

"Room for Satch?" she asks at the reception desk, and waits patiently while watching the people milling around. After collecting her key, she jerks her head at the driver once more and makes her way into the elevator.
She takes a deep breath a pulls a slightly disgusted face, "Smells like goat..."
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Postby Tookish_Traveler » Fri Oct 01, 2004 10:17 am

Tooks sees Satch arrive...she quickly sneaks into Satchie's room with a Hugh, er... no, a huge gift basket of canned spaghetti-o's. The card on it says:

Just for you, my little Satchie-poo.
Love,
Haldir
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Postby Teremia » Fri Oct 01, 2004 10:45 am

We are so thrilled to be here! Dernhelm would like to thank everybody who has made this fabulous event possible!

No, sorry, he will not be taking questions just at the moment. Bit tired, naturally.

But see you all anon! And here, please help yourself to some of our lovely *Dernhelm 2004* buttons....

Sincerely,
Teremia
proud sponsor of *Dernhelm*, the Delightful and Dashing Alternative, MOME 2004
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Postby *Dernhelm* » Fri Oct 01, 2004 10:50 am

Every Dern Thing!
My Blog
You Are Visitor Number:000154

10/1. Well, I'm here. Girls everywhere, frightening the horses and shouting nonsense: FRODODOFROAFRODODO -- what's that all about.? I was turning Speedy around at the gates to leave when Teremia *popped in* and grabbed the reins.

"Where do you think you're going?" she said. "Our suite's up this way. Let the nice guard take the horse. Where's your baggage?"

I should not have said anything, but I did. Teremia started waving her arms at me before I had even moved on to the main point, about my not ever really having PROMISED to come ---

"Yeahyeahyeah," she said. "Jitters! That's all. You're going to be fabulous. Look! I'm wearing Your Button!"

She had it pinned to the front of her strange Otherworldly attire:
*Dernhelm*, the Delightful and Dashing Alternative, MOME 2004. That's what it said.

"What do you mean, Alternative?" I asked.

"Well, Dernie dear, I mean you're not LIKE all those OTHER contestants, all those fell beasts and hobbits and Annatars and elves and regular-type heroes. You have that little bit of
Zhenesaykwa that sets you apart from the rest; that's what I mean."

It sounded vaguely disrespectful to me, but I cannot always tell what Teremia really means by her strange words.
Zhenesaykwa must be Otherworldish for my memory issues. If so, it is not kind of her to keep bringing them up.

She was smiling at me, though, a slightly twitchy smile, while I handed Speedy over to the incompetent buffoon dressed up as a groomsman ("Valet Parking" said HIS button -- is that another contestant in this joust?).

"Here's the program," she said. "Look! 'Arms and the Manly Man!' Right up your alley! And we have weeks and weeks left to come up with a talent."

I looked.

#1 (Fri, 10/1--Wed, 10/6) ----- Questionnaire
#2 (Wed, 10/6--Sat, 10/9) ----- Creativity Challenge
#3 (Sun, 10/10--Wed, 10/13) ----- Swimsuit Competition
#4 (Wed, 10/13--Sat, 10/16) ----- Arms and the Manly Man
#5 (Sun, 10/17--Wed, 10/20) ----- Talent Competition
#6 (Wed, 10/20--Sat, 10/23) ----- Essay Challenge
#7 (Sun, 10/24--Wed, 10/27) ----- Evening Wear
#8 (Wed, 10/27--Sun, 10/31) ----- Production Number


"Nowhere do I see the word 'joust,'" I said. "Nowhere do I see a single mention of battle. How do swimsuits compete? What is an essay? Does 'evening wear' mean we are expected to stay up past sundown? .... "

That's how it went, all the way up to "our lovely suite"; me babbling like a fool and Teremia nodding her head like a fool's fool. Then she said she'd pop out for the night and let me get some rest. "It will all look better in the morning -- trust me!" she said. But I trust only Speedy.

What a nightmare. Plus: I looked in the rain-barrel just now. It is absolutely full of sea creatures with long pale tentacles.
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Postby Mighty_Squid » Fri Oct 01, 2004 11:05 am

After spending a wonderful night in Irolas's bathtub it was time to see some of the other folk arrive. Leaving the bathtub a bit more inky the Squid makes her way through the pipes of the convention center to the reservoir. Pulling up to the edge she waves a feeding tentacle at one of the bellboys. They had made a deal. He would be her eyes, ears and uh hands in exchange for swimming lessons.

Floating she spied a truck arriving. Seeing a male with bare arms she finds him worthy of her attentions. She makes a mental note to set her bellboy on his trail. Plans rolled through her cephalopodic mind till a tank caught her eye. She would have scowled if her beak would allow facial expressions. A shark. Great.

She hardly had time to let this new wrinkle set in when a carriage arrived. What first seemed to be two women turned out to be one woman in leopard print and an elf. Squid wasn't fond of elves. Far to much perfume for her taste. Makes her sneeze. It is not pretty when a Giant Squid sneezes.

Her bellboy (Timmy) was taking care of one of the judges. Overhearing him mention her to the judge she again scowled without scowling. She hoped to swim under their radar. They could be trouble.

A shadow darkens the sky as a giant eagle flies overhead. It does not register with the Squid. They are from very different worlds.

The shadow distracts her from the dark man whining and a crazed green eye shadow wearing woman.
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Postby NienorNiniel » Fri Oct 01, 2004 11:11 am

Nienor and Túrin, finally reaching the hallway of their room (a two ton great white shark takes time pulling around, wheels on the tank or not), are dismayed to find it blocked by fangirls. They're not sure who they are fans of, as the only words that can be heard and more or less understood, are "OMIGOD HES SO HOTTT!!!11"

"Ahem - would you mind moving a bit to the left?" Túrin, trying to be polite, doesn't even gain their attention. They're too busy making strange noises and little squeals. "Watch this," Nienor whispers smugly.

One little knock on the shark tank, and Snapper suddenly shoots into the air and claps his jaws together. Three seconds of silence - before the fangirls run screaming away. Both siblings laugh evilly as they make their way to room 666. But as they open the door, Túrin looks over his shoulder...

"Was that a tentacle?"


[MOME rule #6: To scare off fangirls, just show them real beauty! 8) ]
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Postby jeanelf » Fri Oct 01, 2004 11:47 am

Gwaihir is 10 miles distant when he hears the sound of car doors slamming and sees a crowd gathering outside the Ithilien convention center. Everyone seems to be arriving and he has no doubt the majority of the people are there for him. He sees many picking up his leaflet and fawning over his photo. "Yes, yes, all is as it should be." He sees Jeanelf waiting below, rolling out a red velvet carpet leading to the front door and anxiously scanning the skies. He seeks lunch on the roof munching contentedly on a stack of flyers. Then suddenly he is near and a shadow passes over the sun, causing everyone to look up. There are screams of adoration by hysterical fans as his great wings make some prissier elf-types hold onto their hats and others scowl in envy. One in particular (a jealous contestant no doubt) shakes their fist at the Great Eagle and is promptly rewarded with a great plop! on the head, running off to wash in the reservoir instead. Gwaihir then lands amid a barrage of flashbulbs and roses. "Yes, Yes, the Wind Lord is here. We may begin. Perhaps I should say a few words…."
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Postby Lembas_Junkie » Fri Oct 01, 2004 11:48 am

Dressed in their best, Frodo and Lembas are now at the highest of heights, flying through the sky atop of Fell Beast! 8) That's right, Fell Beast has decided to join Frodo and Lembas on their adventures through MOME. Beast seemed so excited to just be a part of it, Lembas didn't think it would be a problem to have him join them - it would be most excellent! For starters, he's been wonderful at volunteering his services as Manager of Transport and Travel. He flew ahead and got Frodo an upgrade...they now have a rooftop suite, and next to an eagle, no less! :D

As they watched the world pass by in a swirl of great flapping wings, Frodo began programming more songs into his Phial of Galadriel, which she most graciously had converted into an MP3 player for him once he arrived in Valinor. Lembas was simply gazing accross the landscape, checking below every once in a while to make sure her two horses were still allright. It took a bit of convinceing until they were satisfied that this fell beast was not going to bowl them down, then yank them up and drop them off a cliff somewhere.

Lembas' thoughts were interrupted by the flutter of little wings in front of her:


Moth: Hullo again, Ms. Lembas. I have a message for you.
Lembas: Oh, thank you! *unravels the note and reads* Well well well! Frodo, look! SAM is going to be at the competition after all!
Frodo: *jerks his head up from programming, eyes shining with excitement* What?!?! No, are you just teasing me? He's really going to be there? Oh, I'm so happy! :D:D:D
Fell Beast: *twists his head back, joining in while they fly*Sam? Hmm...Sam...oh yes, I remember! He's the guys who pulled you down the stairs at Osgiliath! Took quite a roll together there, didn't you? =:)
Frodo: *blush*
Lembas: This certainly puts a new twist on the competition!

A few hours later:

Fell Beast: Are you two ready? Here we are, Welcome to East Ithilien!! :) We're ready to circle in for a landing in a few minutes! Will ya look at the crowds down there!...he-ey, is that a squid I see there in the water? And a shark?!
Lembas: And what are all those white papers fluttering around? Did someone lose the MOME itinerary? Speaking of which, Beast...did you manage to get a copy while you were here?
Fell Beast: Yup!
Frodo: Do you guys hear something?

The three stop talking, as Beast circles lower and lower towards the crowd. Most of them shriek and cower or flee, until the crowd notices a large throng of ladies who have not moved an inch; instead, they begin to hold up welcome banners and blow-up dolls luciously clad in chocolate brown velvet. And from that throng rose the Sounds of Swoonliness: :D

FRODO! FRODO! FRODO!...

Lembas: Well, Frodo? What do you think of that? :)
Frodo: I...I...that group of ladies...they are here...for ME?!? *eyes mist up slightly, sweetly, just enough to cause half the throng to swoon* I don't know what to say!
Lady of the Throng: SAY YOU'LL MARRY ME!!!111
Another one: Tell us your inseam size!
And yet another one: Did you bring "Sting" with you?
And one more: Is there an Endurance Test in the itinerary?!?!
Fell Beast: Look out, Ladies! I'm coming in for a landing! :D

Fell Beast lands with a graceful swoosh, and Frodo slides off his back with ease....surfing is good for more than one thing! Lembas follows soon after, and Beast is content to curl up behind them for a few minutes while Frodo is surrounded by the Ladies. Flowers and chocolate and room keys are soon flying his way.

Frodo: Oh, why thank you! Mmm, velvet boxers, for me? *looks around to see if he can find his gift-giver* Lembas, look at these! *sproing* Wow!
Lembas: We best get going up to the convention centre, Beast needs some replinishement, and they're waiting for us to check in! You'll have time to chat with everyone, including fellow contestants, after we get settled.
Frodo: Okay, let's go. *to the Ladies* Thank tou so much for the warm welcome, Ladies! :) I hope to see you all again very soon! :angel: *blows them kisses, and winks at a particularily pretty lady dresses in...Elrond's clothes? The kisses flow through the air and land gently on the cheeks of a few lucky ladies, who faint dead away*

And with that, the trio made their way up the red carpet (who put that there, how thoughtful!) and to the glamorous East Ithilien Convention Center.
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Postby Primula_Baggins » Fri Oct 01, 2004 12:27 pm

A battered black Civic Hybrid, muddied from its long labor through the livestock up the road to the East Ithilien Convention Center, halts about fifty yards from the end of the red carpet leading to the door. An aggravated woman of middle years hauls herself out of the driver’s seat as a rumpled-looking hobbit emerges from the passenger side.

“I drove as fast as I could!” she rasps, clearly continuing what has been a long argument. “I didn’t even know I was going to be bringing you until last night. I haven’t even had time to think about your outfits, all I’ve got is the material, I don’t even know if my sewing machine is going to plug in, what kind of current do they have in East Frelling Ithilien anyway?”

“But if we missed Frodo--“

“We didn’t ‘miss’ Frodo. He’s going to be here all month, just like us.” Prim (for it is she) opens the trunk of the Civic and jerks out two large plastic bags overflowing with folded fabric. “We’ll have to make two trips for the sewing machine and my things. Oh criminy, and look, all the other sponsors are in evening wear. I’ve never been to MOME before, how was I supposed to know there’d be a red carpet on the first--“ She breaks off in despair, looking down at her own rumpled gray sweater and jeans, over at Sam in his third-best gardening outfit, both of them covered with the crumbs of the Nilla Wafers that have sustained them on the long drive. “You’re a mess, too,” she says wearily.

Sam lifts his chin. “It don’t matter a whit.” Standing on tiptoes, he drags his bag out of the trunk. “I’m here to see Mr. Frodo. You’re the one all full of this contest. You can do as you like, I’ve got no stake in it. I’ll do what you ask when you ask it, if it’s no trouble to Mr. Frodo. Past that I don’t see and don’t care to see.”

Ahead a mass of people and--dolls?--in brown velvet are vanishing into the hotel. Sam starts doggedly up the red carpet, eyes straight ahead, ignoring the muffled titters among the crowd behind the ropes.

There is nothing Prim can do but follow.
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Postby Edhelwen » Fri Oct 01, 2004 1:38 pm

Finally having cleaned up a bit Ed is ready to go off in search for the guys. It seems Aragorn isn't there yet. However Frodo is and she's looking forward to that. Determined to make the most of the pageant Ed heads towards the reception. The plan is to get a key to each contestants room. Except for Haldirs.

Ed.
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Postby jeanelf » Fri Oct 01, 2004 2:07 pm

Gwaihir picks a few bugs out of a bystander's hair, looks around him and begins to squawk, I mean speak:

I'm here to compete in this thing.
I'm told I have to strut and sing.
Not easily done for one like me
Who's used to rock and cliff and tree.

What point in this, to show your stuff?
I think for me this could be tough.
I'm already Lord now, after all.
Having others at my beck and call.

But because of kin and friend,
I'll see this thing through to the end.
My son wanted to see me here,
So I'll do it for the little dear.

But take a care, know I'm a Lord.
Losing dignity, I can't afford.
I'll not stand for trick nor prank.
I'll gladly drop you in the tank.

So please make way, I need to rest
So that I may look my best.
And you know, I have my pride,
Photos flatter best from my left side.


Gwaihir struts away as flash bulbs go off and fans ask for his talon mark in their autograph books. Jeanelf follows, afraid to tell him that now he is sharing the rooftop rooms.
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Postby Lembas_Junkie » Fri Oct 01, 2004 2:27 pm

As Frodo, Fell Beast and Lembas slowly make their way up the carpet to the Center, stopping to talk to the crowds and sign autographs (or in Fell Beast's case, some people wanted to feel his scales :D ), Frodo's attention was suddenly caught by a voice from behind him, a voice he hadn't heard for far too long:

"Me 'ol Gaffer would have a thing or two to say about this if he were here, marching up all a-puff like we were off to be coronated. Where is Mister Frodo?"

Frodo couldn't believe it...was it really him? He spun around (accidentally dropping a few chocolates, which Lembas was quick to retrieve) and scanned the crowds coming up from the behind, and spotted a familiar head, toussled light brown hair, and modest gardener's outfit. He ran towards the figure.

Frodo: Sam?! Oh, SAM! :D:D:D It is you!!!

Tears escape from the crowd's eyes once more, as Frodo and Sam reunite after three years, Frodo having been in Valinor. Ladies of the Throng nod their heads knowingly. Slashers in the crowd scramble to find their video recorders. Track #17 suddenly plays once more over the loudspeakers, and the entire crowd sighs.

In the distraction of the reunion, nobody notices a tentacle ooze it's way towards them...
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Postby sylthian » Fri Oct 01, 2004 3:22 pm

SYL!! screamed Faramir. ‘you made it!!’ And saying this he launched himself at sylthian and embraced her in a smothering hug.

‘air’ she gasped ‘air’

‘Oh, sorry, too tight?’

‘No, Far, you smell!!

‘Oh, sorry, I haven’t had time to clean up. The darndest thing happened. I went out to the barn to get Speedy and the next thing I know the stable boys are tossing yuck at me – Speedy’s gone and so is Eowyn.’ And then, as if waking from a trance he asked ‘Uh, who’s this?’ he asked, eyeing the older gentleman suspiciously ‘you’re still sponsoring me for MOME aren’t you?’

‘Wait a minute! Wait just a flippin’ minute. This is MOME??’

‘Yes, dear. But it’ll be fun, really. I’d like you to meet Faramir – Far, this is Mr. syl’

After a handshake and a few muttered ‘pleased to meechos’ and ‘charmed I’m so very sure’ the two stood apart, Faramir’s eyes twitching and one of Mr. syl’s eyebrows raised.

‘Sweetie’

‘Yes’ they both asked in unison

‘Faramir, would you wait for me over there?’ asked syl pointing to one of the lovely oak trees gracing the grounds. Then turning to her husband she said ‘Honey, I’ve asked the cooking staff if you could observe them and take some lessons. You know how much you love to cook – and, well, why don’t you go and tell them you’re Emeril Lagasse.’

‘I could do that?’ he asked hopefully – with a twinkle in his eyes.

‘I don’t see why not – and, honey, have fun!’

Mr. syl gave the Mrs. a quick kiss and walked off rapidly muttering ‘Bam – no no it’s more BAM!! Yeah, that’s got it.’

With hub out of her hair for the month – though hoping he would occasionally bring her one of his delicious treats – she turned her attention to the bigger of the two problems.

‘Faramir…..’ I’m going to have to work hard and fast to clean him up!
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Postby SueB » Fri Oct 01, 2004 4:49 pm

Ever the whiz at paperwork, Irolas is proud to submit his questionnaire:

****

#1 - Questionnaire (just answer the questions!)

~ Where did you grow up, and what do you remember most vividly about it?

I was born and raised in Minas Tirith. What I remember most vividly about my childhood there is how magnificent I thought the city was, but how sad at the same time.

~ What did you want to be when you grew up?

Most of the men in my family have been military men, so I've never wanted to be anything other than a soldier. My father was a guard at the Citadel, and he was pretty proud when I attained the rank of Captain of the Tower Guard.

~ Name one thing you miss about your childhood

I miss the time when I didn't know who Sauron was and what Mordor was. Sadly, that time was very short for the children of Minas Tirith.

~ What are some sports or hobbies you enjoy?

My mother was a very skilled cook, and she was quite handy with cake decorating. A lot of people are surprised to know that I'm rather good at decorating cakes, and I've done quite a few for friends and family in my spare time. Unusual for a soldier of Gondor, I know, but it provides a nice supplement to my soldier's salary. My father-in-law thought it was rather odd until he found out I can get $600 for a wedding cake. He's helping me with deliveries now.

I'm also a pretty fair snooker player, and was the snooker champion for my fraternity back in the old Academy days two years in a row.

~ What do you plan to do when you retire?

The wife and I will probably do some traveling, see Rohan, maybe visit some of the historical sites in Mordor once things are cleared out there. And there's always the possibility of finally opening up that cake-decorating business.

~ If you were a dog, what kind of dog would you be (and why)?

I like to think I'd be a golden retriever, because they're strong, loyal, and dependable, just as I've always tried to be in my service to Gondor. Plus, they've got great hair, just like me. Well, like I usually do, you know, it's very humid here...

~ What word best describes you as a person?

Dedicated

~ Share something that nobody knows about you

I have a tattoo of a teddy bear on my backside. Don't ask.

~ Have you had your 15 minutes of fame?

Well, you might say that, since I was the one who got Lord Faramir into the city after he was dragged back following that disastrous charge to Osgiliath. And it was I who took him to Lord Denethor-as a friend of Boromir and Faramir from the army days, I thought it should be me, you see. That was a very dark day, but I wanted to do what I could.

But during the siege of Minas Tirith, I had a spectacular fight with one of those armored trolls that were trying to get into the city. It was right after they broke down the main gate. He put up a pretty good fight, but I finally took him down. Unfortunately, Mr. Jackson said the movie was too long and the whole sequence got cut out. I was pretty disappointed-you know, they had a toy set based on that scene and everything. He says maybe they'll put it back in for the Super Deluxe Edition.

Maybe then I can have a cool end-credit sketch, too!

Signed,
Irolas
****
Last edited by SueB on Fri Oct 01, 2004 5:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby Tookish_Traveler » Fri Oct 01, 2004 5:22 pm

Tooks unpacked while Haldir thought of some answers for the contestant questionnaire. He was genuinely interested in making a good impression, and this would take some time.

Tooks lovingly unfolded her yellow bath towels. She had brought her own towels…..no scratchy hotel towels for her!!! She took them into her bathroom to hang them up. Out of the corner of her eye she thought she saw the blue toilet water swirl a bit. She looked again, but the water was still. She was about to return to the suite to unpack all the judges brib… er… gifts for the other contestants, when she heard a shrill scream from Haldir…….
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Postby Elwë_Goldenwing » Fri Oct 01, 2004 6:00 pm

Everywhere across the land (or at least where they get cable TV) viewers are tuning in to Middle-earth Music Television to see the stars as they arrive for the Men of Middle-earth Pageant...

Dick: Hello, everyone! I’m Dick Richards…

Jane: …and I’m Jane Desmond…

Dick: Welcome to MEMTV’s live coverage of the Men of Middle-earth Pageant’s red carpet opening festivities.

Jane: That’s right, Dick, and here comes one of the contestants now!

A long white stretch limousine pulls up, strains of “God Gave Rock and Roll to You” can be heard blaring from speakers attached to the roof of the vehicle.

Jane: It appears to be, yes, it’s Tom Bombadil. And he seems to have quite an entourage!

Dick: Well, Jane, the blonde Elf at his side is obviously his sponsor, Elwë Goldenwing. Hopefully we can find out the identity of the others. There are two young male humans accompanying them, a short blonde with a long “ZZ Top” beard, and a taller, olive-skinned human with medium-length hair, mustache and Vandyke beard. They are escorted by two very lovely young ladies.

Jane: The blonde with the beard looks as though he could be Tom’s son. Look, he’s even wearing a bright blue jacket.

Dick: Interesting, Jane. I didn’t know that Tom and Goldberry had any children. We’ll have to look into that.

Jane: The dark-haired male appears to be in Rohirrim attire, yet we know they’re a flaxen-haired race. What do you make of that?

Dick: If it weren’t for the facial hair I’d say he looked Elven, Jane. Perhaps he’s a Half-elf? You can see that there’s also an older human, a slender male with a salt and pepper beard and thinning hair pulled back in a pony tail. I don’t recognize the outlandish garb he’s wearing. Do you think it’s Versace?

Jane: It’s hard to say, Dick. I'd say the older gentleman looks as though he could be one of the Istari. Now who is this strange looking person emerging from the limo? He’s a very tall ghoulish-looking fellow with white skin, deep sunken eyes with dark rings around them, dressed in a hooded black robe and carrying a scythe. Perhaps he’s their bodyguard?

Dick: Quite possibly, Jane. And here’s yet another surprise, folks. Emerging from the limo are also two short creatures with large eyes and extremely large proboscises. Oh, my! I don’t think they’re wearing any clothing. What do you think they are, Jane?

Jane: Orcs or a young trolls, perhaps, but even they aren’t that ugly. They appear to be benevolent, though, so that would tend to rule out any type of orc. We have Randy Jones standing by down on the red carpet, folks. Randy, can you get an interview with them?

Randy: Sure, I’ll try. (calling out) Tom! Tom Bombadil! Can we have a word with you for a moment?

Tom Bombadil: (singing)

Hey! Come derry dol! Hop along, my hearties!
Hobbits! Ponies all! We are fond of parties.
Now let the fun begin! Let us sing together!


He waves then continues dancing down the red carpet.

Randy: That was Tom Bombadil, everyone, Master of the Old Forest. Let’s have a word with his sponsor. (shouting out) Elwë! Can you spare a moment?

Elwë: (he waves to the cheering crowd) Hey, everyone! (turning to the interviewer) Good evening, Randy!

Randy: What everyone wants to know is, will Tom really compete this year?

Elwë: Well he’s here, isn’t he? (laughs) Seriously, best of luck to all the contestants and their sponsors. This event should be a lot fun! (He turns to the crowd, pumps his fist and yells.) Rock ‘n’ roll! Woo! (the crowd cheers loudly)

Dick: Randy, was that really Elwë yelling “Rock ‘n’ Roll”? Perhaps this year his twin has come in his place! (laughs)

Jane: Could be! (laughs) I would have expected him to stroll in to the Hallelujah chorus from Handel’s “Messiah” or something like that.

Randy: I don’t know, guys, that did seem rather uncharacteristic of him. Perhaps he’s finally loosening up a bit? (addressing the two young and one old male humans) Pardon me, gentlemen, aren’t you part of Tom Bombadil’s entourage?

Bill & Ted (younger male humans): Party on, dude!

Rufus (older male human): Be excellent to each other!

The three along with the rest of the entourage are swept up in the crowd.

Randy: Well, I’m afraid that Old Tom’s entourage isn’t available for comment at the moment but they sure seem ready to party, don’t they? We’ll have to catch up with them later. Back to you, Dick & Jane!

-----

Edited to add:
Please see the first signature picture under "Tom Bombadil" at 2004 MOME Sig Pic central.
Last edited by Elwë_Goldenwing on Wed Oct 06, 2004 9:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby Primula_Baggins » Fri Oct 01, 2004 6:07 pm

Her arms stuffed with bags of fabrics, measuring tape trying to unstuff itself from under one arm, Prim watches as Sam vanishes into the lobby with Frodo, followed by a crowd of sobbing women in brown velvet.

Sam has left his suitcase on the red carpet.

Muttering several choice Westron words whose etymology Tolkien had worked out in detail after several pints one rainy night in November of 1942, Prim manages to lower herself and her load far enough that she can hook the case's handle with two fingers. Then she staggers onward toward the front door of the resort.

There had better be nothing wrong with the reservations.
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Postby Elwë_Goldenwing » Fri Oct 01, 2004 6:48 pm

Press Release for Tom Bombadil & Elwë Goldenwing wrote:Introducing the contestant…

Name Tom Bombadil
Age: Indeterminate (“Eldest, that’s what I am.”)
Race: Unknown
Height: 5 feet (estimated)
Weight: 10 to 12 stone (estimated)
Marital status: Married
Favorite Color(s): Bright blue and yellow
Home: Old Forest (“up under hill where the Withywindle runs from a grassy well down into a dingle”)
Occupation: Master of wood, water, and hill. Tom also runs water-lily delivery and Barrow-wight extermination services in the greater Breeland area.
Hobbies: Communing with nature (“Old Tom in summertime walks about the meadows, gathering the buttercups, chasing after shadows, tickling the bumblebees that buzz among the flowers, sitting by the waterside for hours upon hours.”)

Tom Bombadil, or Iarwain Ben-adar as he’s known among the elves, is reportedly the oldest being in Middle-earth. Old Tom is a bit of a mystery. He’s too big to be a hobbit, too small to be a man, and far too civilized to be a dwarf. He lives with his wife Goldberry the River-daughter in a stone cottage in the Old Forest at the edge of the haunted Barrow Downs.

Who is Tom Bombadil?
‘He is the Master of wood, water, and hill,’ Goldberry replies.
‘Eh, what? Don’t you know my name yet? That’s the only answer,' says Tom himself.
Professor J.R.R. Tolkien, presumably an expert on such matters, states, ‘…there must be some enigmas, as there always are. Tom Bombadil is one (intentionally).’

One thing we do know for certain is that he’s male, and that means he’s eligible to participate in the Men of Middle-earth pageant.

…and his sponsor:

Although in appearance he looks no more than 16 years old in human terms, Elwë Goldenwing’s birth harkens back to the First Age in the woods of Beleriand. He was born among the Eglath, the Forsaken People, the friends and kinfolk of Elwë Singollo (later known as Elu Thingol) who had remained in the Hither Lands searching for their king while most of their kin hearkened unto Ulmo, following the Valar over the great sea to the land of Aman.

Elwë was named for his uncle; for when he was born it appeared that one day he may eventually come to rule the people in place of the king who many believed was lost forever. But Thingol was not lost; rather, he was transfixed in a state of rapture by the beauty and splendor of the enchanting Melian the Maia. After many long years Thingol returned to his people with Melian at his side, together they established the great kingdom of Doriath and brought the maiden Lúthien Tinúviel into the world. Her story is told elsewhere.

The return of Thingol ruled out a career in politics for young Elwë, which is just as well for he did not crave power or glory, nor did he wish the burden of ruling an empire--forever placating the needs and desires of an admittedly silly and whimsical people--and had little patience to endure the fawning behavior of countless advisors, courtiers, and other sycophants one naturally encounters when one is king. Nay, he did not want any of that. All he wanted to do was…SING! And sang he did.

Since the end of MOME Reloaded, the 2003 edition of this now annual event, Elwë and his wife Culúrien have relocated to Tol Eressëa, the Lonely Isle in the West where Elwë directs The Elven Tabernacle Choir. Culúrien produces and markets her own line of hair care products for which Elwë has composed the jingle:

If you want your hair to be shiny clean
Be like the Wise, use Elven Sheen®!
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Postby *Annatar* » Fri Oct 01, 2004 9:16 pm

From his luxury suite on the (entire) 13th floor, Annatar watches the unruly mob and the ill-planned arrivals of the entrants and their handlers. “Amateurs,” he muttered. He's been at the convention center for a full two days, enjoying the ash falls, sabotaging the rooms, checking up on the cephalopods. His orc battalion is off in the woods, scrounging up dinner and doing whatever else it is that orcs do in the woods. The mumakil, with some difficulty, and the loss of a few minor architectural features, is now hobbled next to the stables.

Taking out his well-worn notebook, crebain quill pen and bottle of squid ink, he proceeds to take meticulous notes on the feeble competition.

Faramir & Sylthian. Syl seems somewhat less than forthright with her husband. Mr. Syl thinks he can cook.
Sam & Primula_Baggins. Exasperatingly sweet and wholesome. He must have a dark side somewhere.
Túrin & NienorNiniel. Poor choice of reading material. Snapper’s food supply = orc food.
Haldir & Tooks. What is it with elves and beauty products???
Gwaihir & jeanelf. Goats = orc food. Check ordinance against littering.
Saruman & Dawnamira. No hard feelings? Go see.
Irolas & SueB. Who is this guy?
Dernhelm & Teremia. I have a bad feeling about these two.
Frodo & Fell Beast & Lembas. Groopies are evil! Pure evil! Check up on Fell.
Tom Bombadil & Elwë_Goldenwing. Do a background check on entourage. Some look promising.

Notlistening the Judge. Looks smashing in that black mail dress.
Satch the Judge. Likes free champaigne. Send up a bottle with some Haradrim chocolates and my compliments.

Ed appears to be an unattached groopie, and the only one, apparently, with a name. Perhaps she would like to dine with me tonight (on cabrito, perhaps.)
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